tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-42765141353788660352024-03-13T07:21:04.980-07:00Why There Are No Girls In San FranciscoThis blog is devoted to understanding why there are no girls in San Francisco*Samuel Snodgrasshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11762535101951720683noreply@blogger.comBlogger48125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4276514135378866035.post-79069344042086385732011-12-08T21:24:00.000-08:002011-12-08T21:31:45.486-08:00#47 The Ninety-Nine Percenter Pipedream<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjcFjm6ACMq8md1ArZ0UkKmLMDXiBgF8ex_T_ajiXA68wvysPrYUyp4nQt6jQx4QL7yBMSs7ozL5yIcFG_bXwZRyJ0D456cLCwzCetB8ttGELtT-e9THbhD9b1vLxKNOBic5NnIwxVuuA/s1600/lacumbre.jpg"><img style="float:right; margin:0 0 10px 10px;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 239px; height: 320px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjcFjm6ACMq8md1ArZ0UkKmLMDXiBgF8ex_T_ajiXA68wvysPrYUyp4nQt6jQx4QL7yBMSs7ozL5yIcFG_bXwZRyJ0D456cLCwzCetB8ttGELtT-e9THbhD9b1vLxKNOBic5NnIwxVuuA/s320/lacumbre.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5683995760119708802" border="0" /></a><br /><span style="font-size:85%;">"Time to turn back and descend the stair,<br />With a bald spot in the middle of my hair— <br />They will say: "How his hair is growing thin!"<br />My morning coat, my collar mounting firmly to the chin,<br />My necktie rich and modest, but asserted by a simple pin—<br />They will say: "But how his arms and legs are thin!"<br />- The Love Song of J. Alfred Prufrock<br /></span><br />Young or immature minded people like us experience a thought, after staring long and hard in the mirror, I mean really digging into all the relevant the physical and mental spaces - those pores, those milk jug ears, the hot mess of subcutaneous psychological untidiness - that leads to one conclusion: we are disgusting. We are repulsive trolls.<br /><br />Yet the thought is fleeting. It gets swept up and defenestrated by our primal narcissism, like a buried toy meeting a mulching lawn mower. Most of the time we are thinking this: 'We deserve all the world's attention! All of it. And none for anyone else. We're going to make ALL the babies. Except we don't want attention from ugly people. Or the uneducated. We hurl drinks at their faces when they approach. The temerity!'<br /><br />Chuck Klosterman put it another way. He said that every person he knew as a young man seemed frustrated that he/she didn't have the kind of mind blowing love that they felt entitled to.<br /><br />The paradox isn't imaginary. It implicates hard cold laws of sociology and probabilities. Because the story of romance in the real world is not millions and millions of radiantly happy couples holding hands to the very horizon. Instead, the story is this:<br /><br />-Teenagers: Skinny people sobbing because they are SOOO in luv and just got dumped.<br />-20 Somethings: Half are furiously onanistic and the remaining are in an obviously lop-sided relationship based on infatuation by one and guilt by the other.<br />-30 Somethings: Everyone is bored except for that one perfect married couple who is so resplendent and chatty at parties yet secretly seething with mutual disgust and goes home to wordless dinners where they fantasize about murder to the sound of clinking silverware.<br />-People past 40: Yuck.<br /><br />But as for the mind-blowingly passionate love mutually felt? Love, True Love, like between Westley and Buttercup in The Princess Bride? Who has that sh*t?<br /><br />And there's a reason for this. And it's the same reason that Yankees pay Derek Jeter but not you to start at shortstop. Westley and Buttercup aren't like us. They aren't the people you see on the 22 line or in your yoga class. Those people are normal. They're flawed. And I'm not talking about personality flaws, like Ike Turner having a touch of a temper. I'm talking the sh*t that reflects on your market worth: being bad at cocktail conversation or blue collared or balding or bacned or a touch unsymmetrical. Small flaws, really. 99% of people have them. But these flaws we don't forgive. Not in ourselves. Not in others.<br /><br />The sweetest, most decorous persons that ever lived - put in a dating situation - would turn into a judgmental a**hole. F*cking ruthless. Because that's what humans do. We judge, judge, judge. And, oh yes, we will find flaws. And one flaw of yours in particular will stick in our craw. The Flaw. Sometimes it's your crappy job. Or strangely oversized mouth. We fixate on it, like hyenas spotting the gimp of the antelope herd. Except we don't self-admit to what we're doing. We reframe the Flaw to implicate something abstract or vague in your character (e.g., you're a workaholic, you're needy) so we don't feel like superficial bastards and can sleep at night in the event we dump you for having a recessed chin.<br /><br />And as a function of this delusion that we convince ourselves that romance isn't like professional baseball, online commerce or commodity trading. Instead it's predicated on a special connection - that spark between Westley and Buttercup is personal, two hearts beating as one and all the other vomit-inducing platitudes that appear on wedding place cards. We distinguish it from basically every other free exchange in the world - i.e., where value is established by a mountain of public, agreed-upon consensus, not by what one individual person feels at a given moment. We will praise and express general affection for the idea of two homely, socially insignificant people loving each other in some god forsaken hovel or marsh - like it's cute, but don't for a second impose that construct on us. Ef that. Because unlike Shrek or Danny Devito and Rhea Pearlman we aren't weirdo losers.FN1<br /><br />The delusion is sustained over time partly because not all Flaws are equal, at least in a limited sort of way. Generally speaking, the Flaw people focus obsessively on is the one they are most terrified of exposing in themselves. The overachiever angles for the handsome bar tender four years her junior so she can say to herself, 'I am desirable. All those years I busted my hump to get into Cornell, then KPMG, and otherwise compensate for social rejection but I'm dating a pretty person now, which ipso facto means I am a pretty person, right? <a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aCdvF5o1tcE">Suck it</a>, Bakersfield High!'FN2<br /><br />Of course, a fat guy who buys a sports car still can't run fast. (On the plus side his sports car will never dump him for Carl Lewis). There's no cheating an efficient market. Even in the realm of romance, there's a cool kid club, and it's highly select and you're either in or you're out. If you're reading this blog, you're out. You're a ninety-nine percenter. You are a repulsive troll.<br /><br />The point is that our conflicted feelings of narcissism and self-loathing reflect on final calculus a tension between our personal expectations (which are huge) and the allotment social markets will allow us (which is, at least usually, rather modest)). San Francisco isn't especially unique is this regard but it is on the vanguard of a nascent collective psychology that demands fairytale endings for very ordinary people. And that's the kind of psychology that's bound to make us alienated and unhappy. And that's unnecessary.<br /><br />The thing about life in America, in San Francisco, right now, for the readers of WTANGISF, is that it's f*cking awesome. And it's not f*cking awesome because it's a fairytale. Or because you're going to marry Jake Gyllenhall or Blake Lively. It isn't and you're not. It's awesome simply because the air is clean and mild, you have a decent apartment, a gym membership, a few friends, and you're not eking out a polluted, hellish existence on <a href="http://www.reuters.com/article/2007/08/10/idUSDEL218894">12 rupees a day in Delhi</a>. You're a repulsive troll but you're also a lucky son of a b*tch.<br /><br />FN1. Right? Wait.<br /><br />FN2. Go Taft.Samuel Snodgrasshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11762535101951720683noreply@blogger.com24tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4276514135378866035.post-42818687220141766052011-08-16T14:18:00.000-07:002011-08-16T14:27:35.304-07:00#46 F*cking Facebook Photos<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgGUxMGp3i1qA8BXlSq0tIjvq6vMZ1QyMqxsvpiAfmu_rbtXUznYA2zU3Dyw9lweDDbv5E2PVLWQYTQZzYlyM5iYbtmJZBbc8W0E-Np5jfwnzrslmixqQ0Okqhds0jtnnrioJfWeg6Xfg/s1600/timthumb.jpg"><img style="float:right; margin:0 0 10px 10px;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 201px; height: 208px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgGUxMGp3i1qA8BXlSq0tIjvq6vMZ1QyMqxsvpiAfmu_rbtXUznYA2zU3Dyw9lweDDbv5E2PVLWQYTQZzYlyM5iYbtmJZBbc8W0E-Np5jfwnzrslmixqQ0Okqhds0jtnnrioJfWeg6Xfg/s320/timthumb.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5641567084833125730" border="0" /></a>
<br /><span style="font-size:85%;">"Humans are masters of deception. We use our minds and behavior continually to try to trick people into believing what is not true…that we're tougher, smarter, sexier, more reliable, more trustworthy than we really are."
<br />-Paul Bloom, Professor of Psychology and Cognitive Science at Yale University</span>
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<br />There's a moment in middle childhood when the difference between what you know and what grown-ups know starts to seem unaccountably huge. It's not just the stuff you're aware of but imperfectly understand - like man-made flight and pancakes - it's unknown unknowns. Crepes, blood sausage, <a href="http://movieclips.com/42bYq-old-school-movie-a-waitresses-panties/">really cool panties</a> we don't even know about. My brother's childhood belief, recounted years later, was that people must have a chip implanted in their brains during college, which is why mom and dad were so smart.
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<br />So it cuts deep when you finally realize as a teenager that grown-ups live life like a f*cking d*ckhead. They don't know sh*t. They're bad at their jobs and confused about the point of existence. They visit psychiatrists and pee their pants. As Adam Carolla says, "I had no idea. I had no idea that this is how life would be. You know when you're a kid and you're nine years old and you're walking around, you see a cop or a schoolteacher or a dentist or an attorney, you go, "Oh, that guy must know his sh*t"… I had no f---in' idea how bad everybody, from my gardener to the highest people on the rung of show business, how horrible everyone would be."
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<br />But fine. Life disappoints. Humans are fallible even in fully matured manifestation. John Edwards. Bruce Jenner. Darth Vader. Such is life and the moping, adolescent fury responsible for goth fashion. The truly devastating disillusion, however, comes on the sly. It's covert like a ninja but it kills every bit of childlike wonder and enthusiasm you have (sadly, the opposite effect of the ninja style). Within decades you become a despairing, self-loathing, bovine-minded middle-aged man with no hopes, no dreams and no interest in the wonder of the cosmos, like Kenny Powers as a gym teacher, and you won't even know how it happened.
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<br />The disillusion is this: the reason adults don't know much about anything is that they don't care. It doesn't matter to them. All those years they fed you a diet of math homework and mnemonic techniques as if learning about the world was the quintessential part of the human condition, but as far as they're concerned, the pursuit of knowledge is a nerd's sideshow, a <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/File:Bundesarchiv_Bild_102-12561,_Berlin,_Fahrrad_mit_Beiwagen.jpg">sidecar</a>, the artsy little seat adjoining the motorcycle of important things: island homes, famous friends, and trophy wives. Adults know by a wealth of experience that people like Socrates, Kepler, Ghandi, Hamlet, Abe Lincoln - those geniuses end up dead. Poisoned, persecuted, starved, stabbed, shot in the head. Charlie Sheen, Donald Trump and the Situation, by contrast, end up on top of sexy waitresses.
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<br />The secret to life, it turns out, isn't knowing about sh*t. It's convincing others to validate you. Class dismissed, tiny mo fos.
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<br />But consider that for a moment. You grow up presuming that reality - waterfalls, tanbark, the gravitational mechanics of jungle gyms - is the focal point of existence. However messy and amorphous the ultimate purpose of life, you just assumed it had something to do this stuff and knowing more about it was the natural next move. The notion that reality is a kind of arbitrary and fungible anchor for some weird construct that basically amounts to sociological warfare is profoundly disturbing.FN1
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<br />And probably at a conscious level we never accept it. For most everyone naked social strategizing, like rain to a sorority girl, is yucky. Empty somehow. Thus, adult life has historically involved pretending that the reason we squabble over the debt ceiling or stem cells or Helen of Troy, fight for a plot <a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kl2O6_C1Ba0">as Mel Gibson said</a> whereon the numbers cannot try the cause, is that such things matter existentially. They are special and intrinsic and we in the form of Bill Maher or Marc Maron or Mahmoud Ahmadinejad do not merely use them as common and fungible points of reference in the larger enterprise of propagating our DNA with someone who's not way dumb and ugly.FN2 Until Facebook.
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<br />Facebook has transformed reality from a necessary if random reference point into something extraneous. Q: Why did Jane visit the park or date that guy or whatever? A: So she can post self-promoting photos on Facebook. It's started to dawn on ladies that parks and, to the point of this blog, guys, have marginal or at least second order utility as mechanisms of social validation. And further, and this is the real epiphany, those things, in most cases, can make you look less than awesome. There are limits to what reality is willing to offer ordinary people.
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<br />Facebook isn't like that. On Facebook you have hot friends and a cute nephew and are being hugged by Mark Wahlberg when you celebrity saw him at a restaurant in Venice. On Facebook you don't have to accept being a mid level marketing manager with a used Jetta and a boyfriend who kind of looks like Janet Reno. On Facebook you're a f*cking superstar. On Facebook your knowledge about and engagement with the ostensible stuff of life can be regularly and almost wholly staged and for that reason is effective like never before in tricking people into believing that you're tougher, smarter, sexier, more sensitive than you really are.FN3
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<br />This isn't a knock. Any adult more interested in bumblebees than impressing Salma Hayek is a f*cking d*ckhead. This is, nonetheless, WTANGISF.
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<br />FN1. Carolla said in this regard, "You know how long man has been walking this earth? Millions of years [ed.: including direct ancestors]…the fact we all happen to be here at the same time at relatively the same age is one in a billion…if you were here in 1855 and I was here in 2025 we'd still be really close in time. …It is kind of a weird miracle-coincidence we're all here at exactly the same time. And, by the way, we're all going to be gone about the same time too. So, here the thing: what the f*ck are we killing each other for? Shouldn't we relax?…We have a short run, a little window, in terms of the earth's calendar, just a blink of an eye. How about we save the killing for the next group of assholes that comes when we're gone. But nope, we can't do it. We got to start building bombs and going at each other. And whenever I say that to someone, they say, 'What kind of f*ck fag pills you been eating?' All right."
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<br />FN2. Maron on Bill Maher's show said, "You can think for a long time that you're angry FOR A REASON. But, a lot of times, if you just do a little more thinking, you're probably just f*cking angry. Politics [or whatever] becomes a template for your [self-made] fury."
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<br />FN3. Concededly, social media technologies mess with conventional definitions of who people really are, so the point is overstated. Still, it's not likely that virtual realities like Facebook will ever cannibalize the primal realities of in-person interaction, whatever <a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XX8Y5-BZLaM">Keanu Reeves movies </a>suggest. Because at some point you have children and you can't tweet your way through that sh*t.
<br />Samuel Snodgrasshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11762535101951720683noreply@blogger.com8tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4276514135378866035.post-73415396574806336662011-05-13T11:34:00.000-07:002011-05-13T11:43:32.307-07:00#45 Unavailable Man Love<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhnsmnK7rX0IoazN2gHZGreqFPJ6gSpV2DuwcZnZMbPLukP4biHjY_Klqm2W3aUNnc5IO58Y7iyWciMGPVCps3ZO_CFi70QdmyzhFVpesncm5GtSh2k0xnjuDXAOwKzPyoK0XaeoLuWYg/s1600/dennis-and-liz.jpg"><img style="float:right; margin:0 0 10px 10px;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 320px; height: 240px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhnsmnK7rX0IoazN2gHZGreqFPJ6gSpV2DuwcZnZMbPLukP4biHjY_Klqm2W3aUNnc5IO58Y7iyWciMGPVCps3ZO_CFi70QdmyzhFVpesncm5GtSh2k0xnjuDXAOwKzPyoK0XaeoLuWYg/s320/dennis-and-liz.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5606272973363896930" border="0" /></a><br /><span style="font-size:85%;">"But in our research, and in the work of other scholars who study the psychology of behavioral ethics, we have found that … [human] conduct, whether in social life or work life, happens because people are unconsciously fooling themselves."<br />-<a href="http://www.nytimes.com/2011/04/21/opinion/21bazerman.html?_r=3&hpw">NY Times, April, 2011</a></span><br /><br />The subconscious influence of popular culture is pretty astounding. An abstract idea, something intangible, impersonal and totally made up that never needed to exist, like Rock 'n Roll, the Simpsons or Milfs <a href="http://www.blogger.com/en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Tipping_Point">somehow catches the collective imagination</a> and changes everything, the way people <a href="http://www.blogger.com/www.avclub.com/articles/norm-macdonald,54380/">talk to each other and sh*t</a>.FN1 In real life. If you really think about it, Holden Caulfield style, and are a freshman at Vassar, it will freak your a** out.<br /><br />No one can seriously contend that 30 Rock is a bad TV show. It's funny, it's smart and it consonates in a comfortable way with the snarky, self-referential ethos of the moment. But it's also had this effect: every other highly educated, upwardly mobile white chick in SF who clocks in between a 6-8 in the looks department is now pretending to be Tina Fey.<br /><br />The idea of Tina Fey is something like this: present-day reality, most notably the men that populate it, is a hilariously and fundamentally flawed FAIL! and that's HILARIOUS but in a knowing, equanimous, basically sympathetic way that concedes we're imperfect and not an overcompensating, over-invested blockhead like Tyra Banks.<br /><br />Being superior but only ironically so is a savvy move. It creates a psychological valence that can't be called into question. It's saying, "You, you, you! You're all ridiculous. Your lives are shams. But concededly so is mine, so no madsies that I judged you!…even though I made the moral standards by which you and I were judged, plus I rendered the judgment not you which has implicit significance, so naturally <a href="http://www.blogger.com/www.telegraph.co.uk/news/.../Top-10-Charlie-Sheen-quotes.html">I win</a>."<br /><br />But this kind of winning has limits. It translates into certain situational victories, the kind that get you an edge at work or a high five, but it's not Charlie Sheen winning. It's not a marker for sexual success. 30 Rock plays this straight: Tina Fey's Liz Lemon character is single. She has man trouble. And that, ostensibly, should undercut her designs on inner awesomeness.<br /><br />But it doesn't. Because if you watch 30 Rock for more than 3 minutes it's clear that Liz Lemon is not single for conventional reasons. She isn't single, by way of example, for the reasons that stars of a) Friends, b) Sex and the City, or c) Rock of Love were single (the semi-tragic inability to, respectively, a) be three pretty girls and three handsome guys but not do the math (consistently), b) make a connection as enduring and powerful as the one the girls had with high-end handbags, c) take off his bandana).<br /><br />No, Liz Lemon is single because the guys she hooks up with are all literally or metaphorically unavailable. In absurd ways. They possess faults (by character or situation) that are way beyond deal-breakers. <a href="http://www.popsugar.com/Video-Liz-Lemons-Love-Interests-30-Rock-11452555">They're midgets or blood relations or beeper salesman or white collar criminals or twenty years old</a> or, as in the case of her current beau, pilot Matt Damon, both emotionally and geographically remote.<br /><br />This is a crafty conceit. It dismisses the relevance of romantic failure as a relevant identity marker by transposing the source of the failure from Liz Lemon the person to some vague behavioral condition. The problem is not that Liz Lemon is undesirable, no, it's that her decision-making is haywire.<br /><br />It's actually craftier than that because everything else about Liz Lemon's world implies she has the best brain in the postal code. She's the <a href="http://www.blogger.com/www.amazon.com/Bossypants-Tina-Fey/dp/0316056863">BAWSS</a>.FN2 She's the winner even when she pretends she's not. Liz Lemon may love unavailable men but in every instance she's the only party who KNOWS that her relationships are doomed. It is up to her in a climatic of moment of exasperation to condescendingly lecture each and every one of these clueless horndogs on the intractability of the situation.<br /><br />Liz Lemon's flaw, then, is not really unavailable man love. Her flaw is that men are f*cking retarded (metaphorically). And that's a fake flaw, like not owning a TV or being called a womanizer.<br /><br />The semi-attractive, upper class women of America, nowhere better represented than San Francisco, California, heart the hell out of this sh*t. They only go for unavailable men! Men who ADORE them but are way too young/gay/moving to Alaska/hot but dumb/vampiric to sustain a living relationship. It's <a href="http://video.adultswim.com/king-of-the-hill/lonely-man-dinner.html">hilarious</a>! A hot mess! Comical disaster!FN3<br /><br />But it's even larger than this. Bullsh*t self-effacement about one's seduction skills has become the default M.O. of career women everywhere. SF women are wildly enthusiastic about their horrible fashion sense, inability to flirt, lack of maternal/sensual instinct, and any other epigamic traits that typically draw people together romantically. Jezebel, in <a href="http://jezebel.com/#%215301237/type+casting-the-skinny-glutton?comment=13824009">its amusing take-down</a> of the 30 Rock's "skinny glutton" leitmotif, describes the message as such: "I may look glamorous, but I have the mind and soul of a fat person! And this is hilarious!'"<br /><br />Hilarious indeed, like religion or <a href="http://www.nytimes.com/2005/01/26/dining/26wine.html">a snooty vodka preference</a> or the verse Morgan Freeman reads at the end of Invictus or any other delusion to cope with certain terrifying prospects of existence, such as thunderstorms, mortality, being judged or getting dumped. LOL. "You know why that crappy thing happened? Because of God. I mean social convention! I mean he lived in Boulder, it totally couldn't work! One thing is clear: in no way was it because I didn't measure up in some intrinsic way! No way! I run triathlons! My career is demanding! Actually, you know what the reason was? I so can't wear high heels! Isn't that absurd? The reason I'm single: my inability to walk seductively in misogynist foot wear!"<br /><br />It's madness. It's fantasy. It's manufacturing whole lives out of pixie dust and solipsism. But SF women don't care. They don't give a sh*t. They've seen that video about <a href="http://www.blogger.com/www.youtube.com/watch?v=4r7wHMg5Yjg">the honey badger</a>. And nothing will ever be the same.<br /><br />FN1. It's equally possible that the causality moves the other way. Society redefines itself on the down low then seizes upon some random trend or icon as the coherent expression of that redefinition, like the dude who proposes precisely when his hair loss starts to show.<br /><br />FN2. Aside: After new statistics showed more female than male managers in the workforce last year, there has been a spate of articles on the<a href="http://www.theatlantic.com/magazine/archive/2010/07/the-end-of-men/8135/"> incipient dominance of women</a> in higher education and corporate America. The default explanation is men lack the social intelligence of women. This has to be partly true but misses a more obvious explanation: women sort of ENJOY being part of a corporate structure and liked by their bosses and perceived as competent. They are emotionally invested. To the male mind, this is insane. Guys HATE corporate life. They hate the soul-crushing boredom and the demeaning affects of hierarchy and everything else that made Office Space a cult classic. If a job wasn't a crucial variable in sexual selection (which it presumably is not for women), no dude would ever work in a million years. Not when there's fishing, tents and nerf sports.<br /><br />FN3. The huge and sort of cliched appeal of the unavailable man is that he's harmless. Sure, he represents all kind of neatly packaged drama due to the inherently conflict of him being unavailable but really that's downside protection. It's almost the opposite of reckless. It's more like an insurance policy. It's provides a huge sense of security. When the relationship fails as it inevitably will there are no casualties. It's precisely what was supposed to happen. By contrast when an available guy (who's not gay or a werewolf or married) dumps you it means something. They got to know you in a very intimate way, saw every angle and facet and they passed. It's the judgment of just one guy but not really. No man is an island. When you get dumped, society has spoken.Samuel Snodgrasshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11762535101951720683noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4276514135378866035.post-76724619283273897402011-01-10T12:08:00.001-08:002011-01-10T12:10:12.945-08:00#44 Google Heuristics<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiIrdp_on4MQLfHQaE31n2vWY2Bj1ICo9cEQ5zHFTvzad3KJDwvIGan9IIrd5v0wfKdG_8pzhg1uTfkpgevi_ne728WGiV-lG3rdC8hSUap_8KSlbR4NI-F-quAlEmnec2eldsR09-pZQ/s1600/2106102_f520.jpg"><img style="float: right; margin: 0pt 0pt 10px 10px; cursor: pointer; width: 320px; height: 263px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiIrdp_on4MQLfHQaE31n2vWY2Bj1ICo9cEQ5zHFTvzad3KJDwvIGan9IIrd5v0wfKdG_8pzhg1uTfkpgevi_ne728WGiV-lG3rdC8hSUap_8KSlbR4NI-F-quAlEmnec2eldsR09-pZQ/s320/2106102_f520.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5560651766352799618" border="0" /></a><br />The world's most advanced answer machine presumes<a href="http://googlefail.net/google/why-there-are-no-girls-in-san-francisco/"> the BIG questions</a> ...Samuel Snodgrasshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11762535101951720683noreply@blogger.com9tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4276514135378866035.post-40984834648378575892010-12-03T11:30:00.000-08:002011-01-06T11:14:35.360-08:00#43 The War on WFTs<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgQVnZXk0EobyZMHa5Cu9FXHrxGfZrtUQEDuQxG7UZhJOdXCNOR1XtBPMjg0lFTJXbtO7tfVCit_YaThdYQyRiYqRcjjjGbKl5Hng39mEXn4C1M2S_vLCQPKKVYcaaoSqQ5AjhzM-WJjg/s1600/barack-obama-looking-at-womans-butt.jpg"><img style="float: right; margin: 0pt 0pt 10px 10px; cursor: pointer; width: 320px; height: 274px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgQVnZXk0EobyZMHa5Cu9FXHrxGfZrtUQEDuQxG7UZhJOdXCNOR1XtBPMjg0lFTJXbtO7tfVCit_YaThdYQyRiYqRcjjjGbKl5Hng39mEXn4C1M2S_vLCQPKKVYcaaoSqQ5AjhzM-WJjg/s320/barack-obama-looking-at-womans-butt.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5546541462923797714" border="0" /></a><br /><span style="font-size:100%;"><span style="font-style: italic;font-size:85%;" ><span style="font-family:arial;">“Well, it’s no mystery that ass has always been tits’ greatest enemy. It’s almost like a Muslim-Jewish thing, but with tits and ass. It’s the choice in life.” </span></span><span style="font-size:85%;"><span style="font-family:arial;">- Kenny Powers</span></span><span style="font-style: italic;font-size:85%;" ><br /><br /><span style="font-family:arial;">“Important things are inevitably cliche, but nobody wants to admit that.” </span></span><span style="font-size:85%;"><span style="font-family:arial;">- Chuck Klosterman<br /><br /></span></span></span><span style="font-size:100%;"><span style="font-family:arial;">Let’s clarify from the outset: in this post you shall be moved in progression from glib superficiality to deep and self-reflective profundity. A playful comment or two will segue into a provocative yet indulgent and probably pointless examination which will segue into something honest and decent and a little wistful. It will be like life that way, in terms of emotional arc. So be prepared to get f*cked up with some truth, my beautiful b*tches.</span><br /><br /><span style="font-family:arial;">In the last few weeks Autumn has descended upon San Francisco not simply as a matter of the Gregorian calendar but as a bona fide weather phenomenon, with heaps of rain and arctic gales. A big time brumal blow-out. None of that soft-dying light and twittering sparrows crap from Keats. Any sense of summer and hope you’ve been clinging to was collared and defenestrated through and out the tenth floor windows of your soul. The optionality and incentive to lay out at Stinson or Southwest it down to San Diego on a Friday, the mojitos, the glory, the jewelry, the cash, being coked out on a boat - it’s f*cking over. Dead. Crushed and mangled on the dented hood of a parked car below. </span><br /><br /><span style="font-family:arial;">As a matter of consolation and bereavement we’ve brought out the fall fashion collection. As per unspoken collective agreement the ladies are showing boutique-y boots, wool coats and black tights/jeans and the dudes sport jeans and black J Crew jackets. Although the average temperature difference between SF summer and winter is about 4 degrees, we all kind of agree to dress like it’s snowing. </span><br /><br /><span style="font-family:arial;">Now the dirty little secret of winter fashion is that, in the underground and fiercely fought battle between ass and tits, it gives ass the advantage. Put a sweater or a jacket upon a fine set of boobs and they drown in a sea of fabric. They disappear like buoys in a storm. Moreover, absent some really fine tailoring the whole package can create a mistaken impression of dumpiness across the middle. For tits and <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Battle_of_Stalingrad">Nazi Germany’s 6th Army</a>, winter is a bad situation.</span><br /><br /><span style="font-family:arial;">The ass, meanwhile, loves the holidays. It loves ice-skating outfits and patterned tights and jouncing back from the gym in Lululemon Athletica. It feels radiant and fabulous, like the brightest bulb on a decorated tree. </span><br /><br /><span style="font-family:arial;">But let’s get serious: it’s really never not winter in San Francisco. Season in and season out, ass is constantly getting the attention and the glory. In a free market economy equally divided between two embattled factions - women with fine asses (“WFAs”) and women with fine tits (“WFTs”) - this has ramifications. A social credit is imposed in one case and a tax in other. And hence, in the absence of any countervailing controls or regulation, over the years WFAs have been allocated to SF by disproportionate number. They are everywhere. Triathletes and Marathon runners. Flat chested vegans and A cup, type A MBAs. This is the spontaneous SF order. This is non-linear and this is fact. But it’s beyond competition. It’s beyond conflict. It’s open war. A war on WFTs.</span><br /><br /><span style="font-family:arial;">The modern condition is such that most of us don’t have any experience with actual, non-metaphorical war. But we <a href="http://www.npr.org/templates/story/story.php?storyId=125859197">understand</a> war. We get the gist: awesome <a href="http://video.google.com/videoplay?docid=-2297890050303959977#">shoulder-rolls</a>, intrigue, and <a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jaWaBfyYqUQ&feature=related">megalomania</a>, on one hand, and <a href="http://movies.yahoo.com/movie/1808444810/photo/522708">beautiful bare-chested men</a> and saucy vixens on the other. Troy, Avatar, Gone with the Wind and Star Wars - it’s all there. The lesson, as a movie critic once so deftly put it, is that war is a story about ambition and commerce, because life is about ambition and commerce, but every war eventually transmutes into a love story because life is often that, too. We get it. Explosion, light-saber duel, another explosion. And Bam! Pregnant.</span><br /><br /><span style="font-family:arial;">And thus we know: the singular conflict in life is not between tits and ass. That is an absurd reductionism.* Tits v. ass is just one conflict out of many, and like most conflicts over status (like those in religion, professional sports, cola choice, etc.) it is mostly determined and motivated by ignorance, instinct or some coincidence (by family connection, geography, etc.) of cultural association. And further, if you alter the context, inform the instinct, or reverse engineer the cultural association, then one’s loyalties are influenced. The significance of certain variables gets reconsidered. New feelings are stirred. Sides are switched. Jews are baptized. Wolves are danced with. Because life isn’t just about motor-boating fun bags. It’s also about finding spiritual connection. As Forest Gump says about destiny versus randomness, it’s about both. Both are happening at the same time. </span><br /><br /><span style="font-family:arial;">And so it goes that SF guys who live long enough in SF learn to love WFAs. Many of us deep down don’t want to do it. For a time we resist. But eventually we surrender. Because we are vulnerable. Because deep down the human spirit is generous. Sooner or later the sweet tailpipe of SF women puts a spell on us. We get charmed.</span><br /><br /><span style="font-family:arial;">But, understand, we will never be complete. We will always feel hollow and wanting in the most intimate of things. That is the tragedy. All the ass-magic in the Marina can't change a man from his core beliefs**. And so many a good man in San Francisco will have his day of reckoning and on the day he will self confess: “I’m not an ass man. I’m a tit man. And this is WTANGISF.”***</span><br /></span><br /><span style="font-size:100%;"><br /><span style="font-family:arial;">*Unless you’re a sultan, Hugh Hefner or otherwise carry on a highly unusual way of life.</span><br /><span style="font-family:arial;">**To paraphrase a man with a mind like a f*cking scientist.<br />***</span></span><span style="font-size:100%;"><span style="font-family:arial;">"The fact is that, in the day-to-day trenches of adult existence, banal platitudes can have life-or-death importance." - David Foster Wallace</span></span>Samuel Snodgrasshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11762535101951720683noreply@blogger.com12tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4276514135378866035.post-59412415276536292652010-09-05T12:47:00.000-07:002010-09-15T16:16:07.258-07:00#42 The Social Proof Problem<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhyWE2HVT5a_5LHlDnae2ik_w5YhjEQHQgbWxw5Bl5VnTWfMUpvMQBis2zxOplTYrZLMywmEN-whUl5EXPUTbLb6e88UKXS7-CtkDUpNKLJ68-PDy-l5GFH8yZOgsIpyvaPEPISskzooQ/s1600/gallery_main-padma-lakshmi-david-spade-koi-06172010-02.jpg"><img style="float:right; margin:0 0 10px 10px;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 277px; height: 320px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhyWE2HVT5a_5LHlDnae2ik_w5YhjEQHQgbWxw5Bl5VnTWfMUpvMQBis2zxOplTYrZLMywmEN-whUl5EXPUTbLb6e88UKXS7-CtkDUpNKLJ68-PDy-l5GFH8yZOgsIpyvaPEPISskzooQ/s320/gallery_main-padma-lakshmi-david-spade-koi-06172010-02.jpg" border="0" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5513522353706101842" /></a><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"><br /></span><http://www.dailymail.co.uk/tvshowbiz/article-1294704/kelly-osbourne-splits-model-fiance-luke-worrall-amid-cheating-rumours.html><http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/epistemology><http://movies.nytimes.com/2009/03/20/movies/20buck.html><http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/inside_the_third_reich><http://www.independent.co.uk/life-style/weather-churlish-chiding-and-the-windchill-factor-1293280.html><http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/fundamental_attribution_error><http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ezr4u2opuso><http://midtowngirl.com/2010/04/cosmo-time-fascinating-facts-about-rich-guys.html><http://www.nytimes.com/2000/04/10/us/in-man-rich-silicon-valley-it-seems-like-strikeoutcom.html?pagewanted=all><p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Arial"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">“Matchmakers say the dating scene is probably worse than anywhere.“</span></span></span></p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Arial"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">- “</span><a href="http://www.nytimes.com/2000/04/10/us/in-man-rich-silicon-valley-it-seems-like-strikeoutcom.html?pagewanted=all"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">In Man-Rich Silicon Valley</span></a><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">,” New York Times.</span></span></span></p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Arial; min-height: 14.0px"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px"></span><br /></span></span></p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Arial"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">“One of the big problems ... these days was that the women were too picky.''</span></span></span></p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Arial"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">- Same article.</span></span></span></p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Arial; min-height: 14.0px"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><br /></span></p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Arial"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;">The concept that a woman’s desire for a man depends </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"><a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Social_proof">on other women’s desire</a> for that man is hard for guys to get their minds wrapped around, no matter how many Playboy models David Spade impregnates. Because guys are way too objective and ahistorical to care about sociological judgments. Every male model in the world could descend upon SF to serenade the SF 6s and SF guys would say, good, go sick. Take </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"><a href="http://www.dailymail.co.uk/tvshowbiz/article-1294704/Kelly-Osbourne-splits-model-fiance-Luke-Worrall-amid-cheating-rumours.html">Kelly Osbourne</a> off the marriage market while you’re at it. </span></span></span></p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Arial; min-height: 14.0px"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px"></span><br /></span></span></p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Arial"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;">It’s a question of </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"><a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Epistemology">epistemology</a>. Men use their brains to organize their thoughts and make sense of them and the surrounding world. Women, on the other hand, let their survival impulses guide them, like </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"><a href="http://movies.nytimes.com/2009/03/20/movies/20buck.html">the Great Buck Howard</a> on the hunt for his hidden performance fee, towards the set of behaviors that best serves to their immediate situational advantage and then, like acquitted Nazi </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"><a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Inside_the_Third_Reich">Albert Speer</a>, they use their brains to gerrymander a patch-work of communicable ideas and beliefs that make their behaviors acceptable to the wider world.</span></span></span></p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Arial; min-height: 14.0px"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px"></span><br /></span></span></p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Arial"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;">This is partly why it's difficult to understand the feminine take on reality: what counts is how things FEEL, subjectively, for a particular human at a given moment, kind of like a personalized </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"><a href="http://www.independent.co.uk/life-style/weather-churlish-chiding-and-the-windchill-factor-1293280.html">wind chill factor</a>, which is basically unworkable as measure of standardized, sharable truth and yet, at the same time, if you think about it, the only truly relevant measure of human experience. When our biology tells us to hook up with some person, our biology is saying that person’s genes are survivors - they are capable of making babies who are popular with and attractive to subsequent generations of people. </span></span></span></p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Arial; min-height: 14.0px"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px"></span><br /></span></span></p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Arial"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;">In this way, the fact female desire is so heavily dependent on the opinions and social proof of other females actually makes rational and probably scientific sense. Good looks, earning potential, charm - we chase after these things as if they have intrinsic value but really they are just features probabilistically associated with reproductive success. As Adam Carolla says, "I don't care how ugly you say a dude is, if he's f*cking a new hot stewardess every night, then you can say all you want about his schnauze and male pattern baldness but he can't hear you, because he's on top of another stewardess."FN1</span></span></span></p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Arial; min-height: 14.0px"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px"></span><br /></span></span></p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Arial"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;">The forgoing generally all works out on balance. Some dude who is cool but generally ignored will, given enough time, start hanging out with some cute nanny he met at the park and then suddenly ever chick in his universe who hadn’t been aware of existence double takes. He gets his chance. </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"><a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Fundamental_attribution_error">Usually</a>. </span></span></span></p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Arial; min-height: 14.0px"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px"></span><br /></span></span></p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Arial"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;">A theoretical problem: if we accept as a predicate that all women, at at least some time in their lives (because they’re tired or depressed or thinking rationally about the matter), feel a total or almost total lack of interest in men as a romantic or sexual (or whatever) objects, then imagine what would occur if, by some probability-defying confluence of events, women in a particular society all experienced this lack of interest AT EXACTLY the same time AND share with one another the fact they feel this way at exactly the same time. If logic holds, then in the aftermath of this hypothetical moment no woman in that society would ever again desire a man because, so long as no foreign woman entered the society, all the men around would be undesirable to the other women. The implied cognition in every woman’s brain (that no man around had social proof of value) would stultify the system.</span></span></span></p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Arial; min-height: 14.0px"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px"></span><br /></span></span></p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Arial"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;">This, of course, is no hypothetical. This is San Francisco, and </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;">like <a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ezr4u2OPUso">snow blindness in cats</a>, it scares the livin' sh*t out of us. </span></span></span></p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Arial; min-height: 14.0px"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px"></span><br /></span></span></p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Arial"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;">It happened like this: in most human spaces, like IstanbulFN2, Chicago, New York, or professional graduate programs, there’s an upwardly mobile class of women, be they, respectively, Ukranian women, Iowa farm girls, 24 year old struggling actresses (who are dazzled by a $60 restaurant meal), or sorority girls, that disrupt such a hypothetically static system. Graduate school may be the most relatable exemplar. The first semester starts and everyone has their section and the social hierarchy of cool and uncool gets worked out in a few weeks and all the girls fixate on about three guys as being desirable with the rest being generally ignored but then, not long thereafter, two guys, guys no girls deemed worthy of attention, reportedly hook up with UNDERGRADUATE girls! The whole hierarchy and design of things has to be re-thought. Wildcard, bitches!</span></span></span></p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Arial; min-height: 14.0px"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px"></span><br /></span></span></p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Arial"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;">But what you get in San Francisco is system shock pre-emption. Certain infrastructural realities like excessive living costs and industry specific professional opportunities (no fashion, no media, no marketing) enforce an on-going population stasis. A homogeneity. Putting arguments about the attitudes of professionally successful women aside, the absence of an young and non-affluent (but aspiring) class of girls robs SF women of a competitive motivator. It’s confusing to type A, successful women when they move here </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"><a href="http://midtowngirl.com/2010/04/cosmo-time-fascinating-facts-about-rich-guys.html">knowing the Bay Area</a> is full of type A, successful men since they come to understand that, in the minds and expressed opinions of the type A locals, none of the men have any social value. In </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"><a href="http://www.nytimes.com/2000/04/10/us/in-man-rich-silicon-valley-it-seems-like-strikeoutcom.html?pagewanted=all">a (somewhat dated but probably sort of relevant) New York Times article</a> about the “Man-rich” SF Bay Area, a relationship coach of 10 years is quoted as saying, “I've never seen things so bad...The women are very tough on the men. They're constantly finding reasons to not like them.” </span></span></span></p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Arial; min-height: 14.0px"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px"></span><br /></span></span></p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Arial"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;">Ironically, if you relocated 10,000 hot stewardesses into SF (and provided them with the resources to afford rent, etc.), the dating scene would improve <i>for SF women</i>. The guys around them would suddenly seem a little rakish, a little smoother. For what happens to an unattractive guy when he’s given a little money and the affections of a pretty girl with a little charm? He becomes against all reason and probabilities the the very thing SF women say doesn’t exist in San Francisco: David Spade. </span></span></span></p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Arial; min-height: 14.0px"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><br /></span></p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Arial"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;">FN1</span></span></span></p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Arial"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;">Carolla said that in the context of a story about low test scores in the U.S. He further commented, “All these countries are ahead of us yet they all wish they lived here? I'm not sure how much these metrics are worth. We're not bilingual, our math skills are not that of India or parts of Asia. We're down in the middle of everything. Except for the part that everyone wants to come into our frat house. So we're a dumb frat house with ugly dudes yet everyone wants to party with us? To me, that's the ultimate test score."</span></span></span></p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Arial; min-height: 14.0px"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px"></span><br /></span></span></p><p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Arial; min-height: 14.0px"><span class="Apple-style-span" style=" ;font-family:arial;">FN2</span></p><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><p style="margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; font: normal normal normal 12px/normal Arial; "><span style="letter-spacing: 0px; "><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style=" ;font-size:medium;">If you spend some time in Turkey you learn that Russian women figure into the nation in an interesting way. The story goes something like this: the rise of modern, progressive(ish) Turkey coincided with the fall of the USSR. Ukranian women with no money or really resources started to show up in Istanbul, invigorating the local prostitution market. This development surely had some pretty negative and seedy externalities but at least on an anecdotal level it seems to have created a nascent class of eligible hotties. The Russian girls who were once whores (in the sense that they gave blow jobs for fifty Turkish Lira and a black eye) are increasingly becoming “whores” (in a sense that they give blow jobs for Beamers and beach houses and Turkish girls hate them).</span></span></span></p></span><p></p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Arial; min-height: 14.0px"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px"></span><br /></p></http://www.nytimes.com/2000/04/10/us/in-man-rich-silicon-valley-it-seems-like-strikeoutcom.html?pagewanted=all></http://midtowngirl.com/2010/04/cosmo-time-fascinating-facts-about-rich-guys.html></http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ezr4u2opuso></http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/fundamental_attribution_error></http://www.independent.co.uk/life-style/weather-churlish-chiding-and-the-windchill-factor-1293280.html></http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/inside_the_third_reich></http://movies.nytimes.com/2009/03/20/movies/20buck.html></http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/epistemology></http://www.dailymail.co.uk/tvshowbiz/article-1294704/kelly-osbourne-splits-model-fiance-luke-worrall-amid-cheating-rumours.html>Samuel Snodgrasshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11762535101951720683noreply@blogger.com18tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4276514135378866035.post-60711074403760768492010-06-25T07:23:00.000-07:002010-06-25T07:47:54.760-07:00#41 Misanthropy in the Marina<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgsoY-FzG6dJPF8WYEJWgnzxyaQEEYR2obhe-xXYo4B0b-QvKgVa9rAutHu47NGDPKfJ3K4np_MLQQOMqoX4AkV8sxZdpnnN1ZCaNl7thbdg7bZi__b9OHwMUhH20fROffn2Y78QXI0xA/s1600/stand-by-me-kiefer_l_43752.jpg"><img style="float:right; margin:0 0 10px 10px;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 320px; height: 240px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgsoY-FzG6dJPF8WYEJWgnzxyaQEEYR2obhe-xXYo4B0b-QvKgVa9rAutHu47NGDPKfJ3K4np_MLQQOMqoX4AkV8sxZdpnnN1ZCaNl7thbdg7bZi__b9OHwMUhH20fROffn2Y78QXI0xA/s320/stand-by-me-kiefer_l_43752.jpg" border="0" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5486720383496834354" /></a><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"><br /></span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style=" border-collapse: collapse; white-space: pre-wrap; -webkit-border-horizontal-spacing: 2px; -webkit-border-vertical-spacing: 2px; "><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;">The worst part about middle school was the disorder. It was sociological chaos. You didn't really know who your friends were. You didn't know who YOU were. You'd figured out that being cool mattered ALOT, far more than puppies, ponies, mom, Little League, Nature or just about anything that made people happy, and you’d matured enough to sense how things might turn out for you coolness-wise, but matters remained inchoate. There was optionality. You were just a kid and you knew it. Kelly Clarkson’s get fat. Bad asses with tween ‘staches stop growing. It was still anyone's game.</span></span></span><div><span class="Apple-style-span"></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial, serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="border-collapse: collapse; white-space: pre-wrap; -webkit-border-horizontal-spacing: 2px; -webkit-border-vertical-spacing: 2px;font-size:medium;"><br /></span></span><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style=" border-collapse: collapse; white-space: pre-wrap; -webkit-border-horizontal-spacing: 2px; -webkit-border-vertical-spacing: 2px; "><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;">In situations such as this, situations of extreme social flux, things get touchy. Fiercely competitive. Rumors start. </span></span><a href="http://justaddh2o.files.wordpress.com/2009/09/swatchwatch.jpg"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;">Stupid plastic watches</span></span></a><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"> get worn. People are socked in the face. Anything to pick up an edge. Those who weren't vigilant about discriminating against the ugly, the nerdy or the poor would wake up one afternoon thirty-five years old, unshaven and destitute. Possibly handicapped. A Denny's waitress or a prison bottom. You were 13, you didn’t know. </span></span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial, serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="border-collapse: collapse; white-space: pre-wrap; -webkit-border-horizontal-spacing: 2px; -webkit-border-vertical-spacing: 2px;font-size:medium;"><br /></span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style=" border-collapse: collapse; white-space: pre-wrap; -webkit-border-horizontal-spacing: 2px; -webkit-border-vertical-spacing: 2px; "><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;">The transition from valuing relationships strictly on whether people are cooler and more advantaged than you are (OMG that guy's so hot! </span></span><a href="http://www.fadedyouthblog.com/32598/aniston-likes-young-guys-and-old-things"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;">I love hot boys</span></span></a><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;">!) to whether people are smart and nice to you and cool enough (as cool as you) is a rite of passage that happens for most emotionally functional, self-aware people by their late twenties. Chronologically, your engagement with the rules of hierarchy goes from bewilderment (junior high) to depression (high school) to savvy (college) to Machivellian over-reaching (post-grad) to gradual acceptance and a sense of proportion. </span></span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial, serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="border-collapse: collapse; white-space: pre-wrap; -webkit-border-horizontal-spacing: 2px; -webkit-border-vertical-spacing: 2px;font-size:medium;"><br /></span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style=" border-collapse: collapse; white-space: pre-wrap; -webkit-border-horizontal-spacing: 2px; -webkit-border-vertical-spacing: 2px; "><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;">The people who live in the Marina haven't figured this sh*t out.FN1 You'll see grown-up women with the romantic sensibilities of Justin Bieber fans, 30 something men doing an impersonation of </span></span><a href="http://concertsandsports.files.wordpress.com/2010/03/jb.jpg"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;">a thirteen year old doing an impersonation of an adult</span></span></a><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;">. There is posturing and </span></span><a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0RTc32qBpAk"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;">being loud contests</span></span></a><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;">FN2 and factitiously enthusiastic hugging and everything else associated with hyper awareness of social ranking coupled with a kind of behavioral skills paralysis, like a school sponsored dance where the boys stand on one side and the girls stand on the other, everyone fearful that they'll get punked or somehow exposed, shamed by a mean girl or thrown against a locker by a guy with a tween 'stache.FN3</span></span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial, serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="border-collapse: collapse; white-space: pre-wrap; -webkit-border-horizontal-spacing: 2px; -webkit-border-vertical-spacing: 2px;font-size:medium;"><br /></span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style=" border-collapse: collapse; white-space: pre-wrap; -webkit-border-horizontal-spacing: 2px; -webkit-border-vertical-spacing: 2px; "><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;">An enormous problem with populating a city with people who spent their adolescence getting humiliated in dodgeball is that after they graduate from Cal or Stanford or Penn or Cornell and start working at Bank of America and Hewlett Packard they want to be perceived as winners. But they still feel, deep down at the level where their humanity is, like acne riddled losers. This is a devastating combination.</span></span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial, serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="border-collapse: collapse; white-space: pre-wrap; -webkit-border-horizontal-spacing: 2px; -webkit-border-vertical-spacing: 2px;font-size:medium;"><br /></span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style=" border-collapse: collapse; white-space: pre-wrap; -webkit-border-horizontal-spacing: 2px; -webkit-border-vertical-spacing: 2px; "><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;">The Marina gets the brunt of it because the former high school dweebs move there expecting that it will be the final stage in their ascendance to the cool kid club. It's not of course, partly because you can't educate or monetize (unless you're D.Trump) your way into the high heaven of being a 9 and partly because San Francisco doesn't have cool kids, not even in the affluent neighborhoods. Sorority girls from the University of Florida just ain't around. They visit for one dork-fested, fog dampened weekend and think, screw this.</span></span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial, serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="border-collapse: collapse; white-space: pre-wrap; -webkit-border-horizontal-spacing: 2px; -webkit-border-vertical-spacing: 2px;font-size:medium;"><br /></span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style=" border-collapse: collapse; white-space: pre-wrap; -webkit-border-horizontal-spacing: 2px; -webkit-border-vertical-spacing: 2px; "><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;">But it's worse than that because the generally applicable SF ethos - that shallow materialism and the exclusion of others is a bad thing - holds true even on Union Street. So what you get is a bunch of putatively reformed but resividist dorks thinking like high minded, progressive SF citizens but feeling and acting in the confused and desparate terms of a tweener playing a status game he doesn't quite understand.</span></span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial, serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="border-collapse: collapse; white-space: pre-wrap; -webkit-border-horizontal-spacing: 2px; -webkit-border-vertical-spacing: 2px;font-size:medium;"><br /></span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style=" border-collapse: collapse; white-space: pre-wrap; -webkit-border-horizontal-spacing: 2px; -webkit-border-vertical-spacing: 2px; "><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;">The result and WTANGISF is this: not even Marina people like Marina people. All Marina chicks, even </span></span><a href="http://datingismiserable.com/"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;">the self-sabotaging, silly ones</span></span></a><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;">, hate Marina men for being thoughtless, unoriginal hacks/dweebs and all the guys hate the chicks for being supersilious, insecure b*tches. Everyone thinks that they're surrounded by a**holes.FN4 Everyone points accusatory fingers, everyone gets blacklisted. It's a**shole hysteria. It's Douche Scare(TM). </span></span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial, serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="border-collapse: collapse; white-space: pre-wrap; -webkit-border-horizontal-spacing: 2px; -webkit-border-vertical-spacing: 2px;font-size:medium;"><br /></span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style=" border-collapse: collapse; white-space: pre-wrap; -webkit-border-horizontal-spacing: 2px; -webkit-border-vertical-spacing: 2px; "><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;">But it's more diabolical than that, because Marina residents, basically, just like thirteen year old kids, aren't really a**holes. You may have some loud-mouth clowns from USC here and there but for the most part it's just decent twenty somethings working their little tails off to friend up and fit in. They try to act douchey and contemptuous, but they're total poseurs.FN5 Socially retarded, sure, psychologically damaged from years of high school nerd harassment, maybe, but bonafide evildoers, no.</span></span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial, serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="border-collapse: collapse; white-space: pre-wrap; -webkit-border-horizontal-spacing: 2px; -webkit-border-vertical-spacing: 2px;font-size:medium;"><br /></span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style=" border-collapse: collapse; white-space: pre-wrap; -webkit-border-horizontal-spacing: 2px; -webkit-border-vertical-spacing: 2px; "><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;">On the other hand, the most damning villainy is usually the most subtle. </span></span><a href="http://everything2.com/title/The+greatest+trick+the+Devil+ever+pulled+was+convincing+the+world+he+didn%2527t+exist"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;">The greatest trick the Devil ever</span></span></a><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"> pulled was convincing the world he didn't exist and so on. Perhaps the Douche and Bieber-fan factor is eating away at us in repeated and non obvious ways, destroying us bit by bit, like Chinese water torture or 44 minutes of Real Housewives. Psychological battery, spiritual assault. The waves of stupid pulsing out of Bar None, the piles and piles of attitude expelled like so much b*tch effluvia from 6s who think they're 9s: it's easy to dismiss as sociological nonsense, temporary perturbations of the system, like tears in the rain or a fart in the wind. But day by day the alienation builds. The disenchantment. The confusion. Everything - the posh stores, the wine bars, the views of the Bay - is so wonderful yet everyone's unhappy.</span></span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial, serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="border-collapse: collapse; white-space: pre-wrap; -webkit-border-horizontal-spacing: 2px; -webkit-border-vertical-spacing: 2px;font-size:medium;"><br /></span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style=" border-collapse: collapse; white-space: pre-wrap; -webkit-border-horizontal-spacing: 2px; -webkit-border-vertical-spacing: 2px; "><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;">We can say all that and still concede this: villainous or not it takes some kind of a warped genius to simultaneously be a misanthrope and a conformist kiss a**. If you go around accusing everyone of being a Douche and then do everything in your power to seek peer approval and respect, then you're culturally engaged, you're mixing it up, but you never have to settle on any particular identity and you never have to settle for a romantic counterpart to that identity. You never have to concede that you're ordinary. There's no </span></span><a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Confabulation"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;">confabulation differential</span></span></a><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"> in your nutty Lake Wobegon mind, where everything self-related is <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Illusory_superiority">way above average</a>. You can go to your grave believing your virtue, your charm, your glamour ... it's all unassailable. That no one would dare deny it. Except all the people who know you. And those douchebags can go to hell.</span></span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial, serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="border-collapse: collapse; white-space: pre-wrap; -webkit-border-horizontal-spacing: 2px; -webkit-border-vertical-spacing: 2px;font-size:medium;"><br /></span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style=" border-collapse: collapse; white-space: pre-wrap; -webkit-border-horizontal-spacing: 2px; -webkit-border-vertical-spacing: 2px; "><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;">FN1. B&T, cougars, and yuppified breeders are common and colorful and sometimes nuanced Marina character types but not relevant to our immediate purposes. None informs the big picture sociocultural mindset of the Marina, except as an amusing curiosity, like that special ed kid who was integrated into gym class the last semester of the 9th grade.</span></span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial, serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="border-collapse: collapse; white-space: pre-wrap; -webkit-border-horizontal-spacing: 2px; -webkit-border-vertical-spacing: 2px;font-size:medium;"><br /></span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style=" border-collapse: collapse; white-space: pre-wrap; -webkit-border-horizontal-spacing: 2px; -webkit-border-vertical-spacing: 2px; "><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;">FN2. When you travel abroad you discover something never discussed on MSNBC: Americans, comparatively speaking (NPI), produce a stunning amount of noise in conversational situations. Americans tend to socialize with </span></span><a href="http://www.backpacker.com/community/ask_buck/160"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;">the same technique</span></span></a><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"> they use to impress bears or panthers, emphasizing decibel volume over word combination. Other nationalities find this trait intrusive and obnoxious of course but mostly you can tell they find it bewildering, like it's an invention of evil they hadn't thought of, a brand new way of being a jerk.</span></span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial, serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="border-collapse: collapse; white-space: pre-wrap; -webkit-border-horizontal-spacing: 2px; -webkit-border-vertical-spacing: 2px;font-size:medium;"><br /></span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style=" border-collapse: collapse; white-space: pre-wrap; -webkit-border-horizontal-spacing: 2px; -webkit-border-vertical-spacing: 2px; "><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;">FN3. The tween 'stache is quietly the most dangerous 'stache because with the other 'staches, even </span></span><a href="http://media.giantbomb.com/uploads/0/7980/973085-snidely_whiplash_large.jpg"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;">the evil mastermind 'stache</span></span></a><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;">, there's always the sense that </span></span><a href="http://images.stltoday.com/blogzone/tube-talk/files/2010/04/bradley.whitford.jpg"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;">a regular</span></span></a><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"> Mike Ditka / Magnum PI 'stache or a Hulk Hogan handlebar 'stache is going to come around to help. But if you're confronted by a </span></span><a href="http://images.fanpop.com/images/image_uploads/Kiefer-in-Stand-By-Me-kiefer-sutherland-445533_600_398.jpg"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;">tween 'stache</span></span></a><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;">, watch out Wil Wheaton, because that's the only 'stache going in your universe. You are on your own.</span></span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial, serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="border-collapse: collapse; white-space: pre-wrap; -webkit-border-horizontal-spacing: 2px; -webkit-border-vertical-spacing: 2px;font-size:medium;"><br /></span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style=" border-collapse: collapse; white-space: pre-wrap; -webkit-border-horizontal-spacing: 2px; -webkit-border-vertical-spacing: 2px; "><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;">FN4. A fun fact on the scarring power of high school: when some researchers looked into how much a man's height affects his professional success they found an increase in salary accorded to each additional inch of height but more interestingly they found unexpected discrepancies in the data. Eventually </span></span><a href="http://www.nber.org/papers/w10522"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;">they worked it out</span></span></a><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;">: if they controlled for adolescent height, then the effect of adult height on wages for men was essentially eliminated. It all depended on how tall the guy was in high school.</span></span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial, serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="border-collapse: collapse; white-space: pre-wrap; -webkit-border-horizontal-spacing: 2px; -webkit-border-vertical-spacing: 2px;font-size:medium;"><br /></span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style=" border-collapse: collapse; white-space: pre-wrap; -webkit-border-horizontal-spacing: 2px; -webkit-border-vertical-spacing: 2px; "><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;">FN5. There's nothing intrinsically absurd about being depressed and tormented by a**holery. It's a sign of complex character and higher level thinking. It's why we love Hamlet and Holden Caulfield. But a word of caution to wanna-be poets and NPR listeners: it will not get you laid. Lionize Hamlet and Holden if you like but those f*ckers could not close. The Situation would have tapped Ophelia ten times by the Fourth Act. In the aftermath, she'd probably hate men forever, start drinking Jager and get thee self to a boob job but she wouldn't have committed suicide. So who's the a**hole? </span></span></span></div></div>Samuel Snodgrasshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11762535101951720683noreply@blogger.com21tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4276514135378866035.post-40158800660048591832010-06-05T12:36:00.000-07:002010-06-05T12:50:25.417-07:00#40 Bridge and Tunnel<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhhYloJj9qnVuHcc2on7-LTk2nZds8ro8GQdVWQ3VVJ7lnoGoeUCzd8vvil-8Dl-Vgy8DvzePPrRSrapcTECL1-QFT7ZL6UPGCBarL6z3QXgJprB1V78tguQQ3iyofBQfunFAN-E5WOxQ/s1600/Night-At-The-Roxbury.jpg"><img style="float:right; margin:0 0 10px 10px;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 240px; height: 320px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhhYloJj9qnVuHcc2on7-LTk2nZds8ro8GQdVWQ3VVJ7lnoGoeUCzd8vvil-8Dl-Vgy8DvzePPrRSrapcTECL1-QFT7ZL6UPGCBarL6z3QXgJprB1V78tguQQ3iyofBQfunFAN-E5WOxQ/s320/Night-At-The-Roxbury.jpg" border="0" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5479376744073690226" /></a><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"><br /></span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style=" border-collapse: collapse; "><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;">No one likes them. They're hillbillies. Morons. West coast guidos. They are louche, uncouth, junior college drop-outs. They are the infamous B&T. And it's not even their fault. They are a product of their provenance. They hail from the stultifying dreck that is Fremont or Novato or Vallejo. Have you ever visited such places? Witnessed the local flavor? We haven't but we can imagine it - outdoor malls, rampant boredom, limited options, and the mean, dumber than hell, wife-beater, jean-short, off-brand white sneaker wearing crackers who congregate in driveways to drink beer. A person gets stultified in such situations. Hell, a goat would get stultified - stultified from behind, that is.<br /><br />That's the thing: B&Ters literally practice bestiality. No, we don't know that. That's probably hyperbole. But they're certainly deviant reprobates. Construction workers and Pizza Hut managers and steroid abusers. The men are miscreants and the women street strumpets. You start to see them right as Friday afternoon turns into evening, appearing here and there in the gloaming, these tiny assemblies of gum-chewing, undereducated humanity. They are all slut fashion from Wet Seal and too much eye shadow and crass high heeled footwear, stepping out of Ford Mustangs or bouncing along Folsom on their way to Holy Cow, true life manifestations of </span></span><a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RjMfUd4VKec"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color:#000000;">the most absurd steam of consciousness Black Eyed Peas song ever</span></span></span></a><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;">, sensing with their tiny reptilian brains that they've got a feeling - feelings being right in the sweet spot of their cognitive skill-set - and their feeling is that tonight is going to be a good night, woo-hooo, because they've got their money and will spend it up, they work at Houlihan's, they'll find some blow, they're going to smash it up, like oh my God, they'll burn a car, they'll shoot a dog. They're going to do it! They will invade the Marina en masse at 11:30, like Visigoth marauders, storming Circa, puking in the streets, driving their cars into curbs, minds whirring like that of a Labrador Retriever in a field of bouncing tennis balls. They'll shut that sh*t down.<br /><br />Perhaps this is an unfair characterization. Kind of classist, and not in the good Beethoven or Mozart way. And yet the simple fact remains: whoever these B&T are, however virtuous and spiritually coherent and life affirming they may be deep down, we do not want them amongst us. "Us" being the persons who can read.<br /><br />Actually we could care less. The challenge is that humans prize boundaries. With no Dr. Evil there is no Austin Powers. You can't have Superman without Lex Luther. Fallstaff without Hotspur. Relevance depends on countervailing forces. You need rules. Exclusivity. It's basically the goal of the human condition: to distill and cordon off some kind of meaning and order amidst the outbreak of chaos happening everywhere.<br /><br />This how the B&T ruin it: they blur the boundaries. All week long SFers carefully strategize and fabricate a network of social interactions, performing social maneuvers of extraordinary nuance and delicacy, establishing precisely who is good and who is evil, who is desirable who is repugnant, who is in and who is out, all those pieces are put in place, like a neatly arranged chess board, and then the weekend comes, this Manichean match-up everyone has been preparing for, and then suddenly about five billion strangers from Marin and Alameda and local prisons come streaming across the bridges and through the Bart tunnel to upend the chess board and basically f*ck everything up.<br /><br />They f*ck up things in other places too. That is true. The term B&T actually originated in Manhattan. But there, like many cities, B&T have no real influence. The metropolis itself is too large. B&T are few oil drops in a vast sea. But in SF the B&T have the population advantage. They are deep sea BP gusher in a little gulf. They are an environmental disaster.<br /><br />The constructs that comprise the kind of hierarchies and exclusions that denigrate and slander B&T are of course arbitrary and capricious. They are an illusion, blah, blah, blah. But it's how the human race trundles along. An important principle of life we learned from a television commercial is that </span></span><a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=31ZevWuxrNE"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color:#000000;">when you let everyone play ... no one wins</span></span></span></a><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;">. We demand distinctions. We demand clarity and a line-up card before we're willing to socialize and make biblical-style relations. It's a curious thing about progressive thinking about difference and equality, it vitiates some of the most exciting and invigorating aspects of being alive. It really vitiates them. It vitiates them from behind.</span></span></span>Samuel Snodgrasshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11762535101951720683noreply@blogger.com14tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4276514135378866035.post-75640336484366698442010-06-04T21:56:00.000-07:002010-06-04T21:58:35.391-07:00#39 Progressive Hiring Policies<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjrFurJy4rndrdm5qDsKpfJXcu-zlO-ZGoXR4ZTDK3coVOXBbXcH8aXjmCymvRjL3WbdSXwASMmrOr8XKaYZIg9rr5hU6x9RYCLV69FV6QPMSounMxZZeJs8PDGgANjIV9PDwVaUil3pg/s1600/hipster0.jpg"><img style="float:right; margin:0 0 10px 10px;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 213px; height: 320px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjrFurJy4rndrdm5qDsKpfJXcu-zlO-ZGoXR4ZTDK3coVOXBbXcH8aXjmCymvRjL3WbdSXwASMmrOr8XKaYZIg9rr5hU6x9RYCLV69FV6QPMSounMxZZeJs8PDGgANjIV9PDwVaUil3pg/s320/hipster0.jpg" border="0" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5479149272966590626" /></a><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><br /></span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style=" border-collapse: collapse; white-space: pre-wrap; -webkit-border-horizontal-spacing: 2px; -webkit-border-vertical-spacing: 2px; "><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">It was a fine June San Francisco day and upon seeing someone in the building with a Peet's coffee cup, we concluded it was time to finally check out the Peet's cafe nearby, investigate in full and proper fashion the possible attractiveness of the baristas there, and so we sashay on over and who do we see behind the counter? Three dudes in various stages of unshaveness. What can I get you, sir? F*ck off. Never to return.</span></span></span>Samuel Snodgrasshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11762535101951720683noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4276514135378866035.post-80028335989632658312010-05-14T08:45:00.000-07:002010-05-14T11:11:34.436-07:00#38 Playa Haters<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh5xVdEL_gQS8tRQsGpX5xIwd1ozO-QDQssOY2RFrkCXVEr4U3pscfZWoQYX-91KHW0selDIGJOnGYsZUfh22gbucHoRQWxXHCu7S4JN8GEn98hqyXV2mcne4H5Fvn9KHoa0cmGza9a_A/s1600/pimped-out-chappelle1.jpg"><span style="font-family:arial;"><img id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5471156695600742978" style="FLOAT: right; MARGIN: 0px 0px 10px 10px; WIDTH: 320px; CURSOR: hand; HEIGHT: 240px" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh5xVdEL_gQS8tRQsGpX5xIwd1ozO-QDQssOY2RFrkCXVEr4U3pscfZWoQYX-91KHW0selDIGJOnGYsZUfh22gbucHoRQWxXHCu7S4JN8GEn98hqyXV2mcne4H5Fvn9KHoa0cmGza9a_A/s320/pimped-out-chappelle1.jpg" border="0" /></span></a><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEga6Flym0ZLiKwVtnhoa6xwS7sT-4HVPLJN96EDThwvP8CCPSrEMP4imp0XazxO6vVVuCPQwNvbUKIgm9Lm0J8E4TP2qtPz_U2HyYLHGv4N2Pkz5aA8fGcY-h4BeIRL2mXPu5yM5Lo2sA/s1600/10716_164844122812_654612812_3664201_1857917_n.jpg"></a></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="BORDER-COLLAPSE: collapse; -webkit-border-horizontal-spacing: 2px; -webkit-border-vertical-spacing: 2px"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;font-size:medium;">During the salad days of the </span><a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Romanticism"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;font-size:medium;">Enlightenment</span></a><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;font-size:medium;">, when </span><a href="http://www.wisegeek.com/what-is-a-powdered-wig.htm"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;font-size:medium;">whig powder</span></a><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;font-size:medium;"> and liberty was in the air, the philosopher Jean-Jacques Rousseau published </span><a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Jean-Jacques_Rousseau#Theory_of_Natural_Man"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;font-size:medium;">a theory</span></a><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;font-size:medium;"> about the origins of culture and the theory was this: back in the beginning, before property laws and </span><a href="http://www.blogger.com/www.hotornot.com/"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;font-size:medium;">Christian dogma</span></a><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;font-size:medium;">, when man was essential and wore loincloth, he wasn’t an a**hole. He was happy and </span><a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Amour_de_soi"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;font-size:medium;">thoughtful</span></a><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;font-size:medium;">.</span></span><span style="font-family:arial;"> <span class="Apple-style-span" style="BORDER-COLLAPSE: collapse; -webkit-border-horizontal-spacing: 2px; -webkit-border-vertical-spacing: 2px"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;">And this, Rousseau then argued, was what humanity should be shooting for.</span></span><br /><br /><span class="Apple-style-span" style="BORDER-COLLAPSE: collapse; -webkit-border-horizontal-spacing: 2px; -webkit-border-vertical-spacing: 2px"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;">It was a populist philosophy if there ever was one, a moral license to drink, </span><a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Libertine"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;">make free relations</span></a><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;">, and </span><a href="http://beastmaster2000.blogspot.com/2007/10/enlightenment.html"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;">stop going to church</span></a><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;">, and was flawed only in so far as that, descriptively speaking (evolutionary biologists later learned), man </span><a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EwFr_VcGMKQ"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;">at his purest</span></a><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"> is a colossal a**hole. Of course everyone suspected as much and so the focus went to the normative aspect of celebrating reason and pursuing happiness as the first order purposes of life, because who could argue with that?</span></span><br /><br /><span class="Apple-style-span" style="BORDER-COLLAPSE: collapse; -webkit-border-horizontal-spacing: 2px; -webkit-border-vertical-spacing: 2px"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;">By 2005, two centuries and change later, there’d been enough field testing to reveal a discrepancy between Rousseau’s ideas and behavorial patterns observed everywhere. People, even under the best of circumstances, didn’t act very interested in</span><i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"> being happy</span></i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;">. They acted interested in </span><a href="http://www.blogger.com/%3Chttp://en.wikiquote.org/wiki/Sally_Field"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;">being popular</span></a><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;">. They were after prestigious jobs and better-looking lovers. And they’d surrender rational thinking and suffer </span><a href="http://www.theonion.com/articles/fat-roommate-travels-all-the-way-to-tennessee-just,1236/"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;">all manner of miseries</span></a><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;">, like platform heels, pegged pants, and </span><a href="http://www.associatedcontent.com/article/662703/how_to_meet_your_billable_hours_requirements.html?cat=3"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;">billable hour requirements</span></a><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;">, to achieve such. They might talk about yoga and picnics or whatever but year after year, as long as </span><a href="http://www.theonion.com/content/node/34165"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;">starvation</span></a><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"> and </span><a href="http://www.ktuu.com/Global/story.asp?S=7690975"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;">frostbite</span></a><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"> and </span><a href="http://www.adn.com/news/alaska/wildlife/wolves/story/940618.html"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;">wild wolves</span></a><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"> had been dealt with, they’d </span><a href="http://www.theonion.com/articles/report-14-trillion-spent-annually-on-trying-to-loo,17125/"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;">burn most</span></a><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"> of their calories on hair cuts, Prada bags, FB profile pics, identifying with trendy things (“I love [Caddyshack/Vampire Weekend/tapas]!”) and squeezing self-promotion into cocktail conversations. The rest was mere epiphenomena, like </span><a href="http://search.barnesandnoble.com/The-Best-of-Playboy-Fiction-Volume-3/Playboy/e/9781567405019"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;">the poetry</span></a><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"> John Updike used to write for Playboy.</span></span><br /><br /><span class="Apple-style-span" style="BORDER-COLLAPSE: collapse; -webkit-border-horizontal-spacing: 2px; -webkit-border-vertical-spacing: 2px"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;">Thus in the year 2005 a vaguely employed guy in New York City named Paul Janka, having figured the preceding out, wrote a </span><a href="http://blog.juliaallison.com/Images/Paul%20Janka%20-%20Getting%20Laid%20in%20NYC.pdf"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;">17 page treatise</span></a><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"> on “Getting Laid in NYC” that went viral and made him an anonymous cult heroFN1 of sorts, to the point that “Paul Janka” became parlance for “player” for nearly every youngish single dude in Manhattan.</span></span><br /><span class="Apple-style-span" style="BORDER-COLLAPSE: collapse; -webkit-border-horizontal-spacing: 2px; -webkit-border-vertical-spacing: 2px"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"></span></span><br /><span class="Apple-style-span" style="BORDER-COLLAPSE: collapse; -webkit-border-horizontal-spacing: 2px; -webkit-border-vertical-spacing: 2px"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;">The appeal of "GLINYC" came from two related insights. First, Mr. Janka said that being successful with women required not cleverness or charm or even a job so much as a system (“Any successful business must follow a blueprint if it hopes to achieve significant results; the same applies to shagging women, believe it or not. Do not leave your sex life up to chance”). Second, that system, at least in Manhattan, was predicated on two basic ideas: a) meeting girls at night (especially weekend nights) at bars or clubs </span><a href="http://www.theonion.com/articles/area-man-an-expert-on-what-women-hate,1471/"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;">is futile</span></a><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"> (“No matter how suave, clever, funny or good-looking you are, I’m here to tell you that you’ll look rather dull next to New York Fucking City going off on a Saturday night”), b) dinner dates benefit no one (“the usual end game ... is a fat bill, a bloated stomach, some yawns and a peck on the cheek, with the guy standing foolishly by as the girl steps into a cab waving good-bye”).</span></span><br /><br /><span class="Apple-style-span" style="BORDER-COLLAPSE: collapse; -webkit-border-horizontal-spacing: 2px; -webkit-border-vertical-spacing: 2px"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;">For any dude on the make this was enticing stuff, partly because the human brain, and especially the male mind, is obsessed with systematizing or ordering a structure out of the ostensible chaos and ineffability of raw experience, and partly because Mr. Janka was exactly right, so right that ex post facto his theories seemed obvious. No normal guy likes clubbing and damn right, dinner dates are awkward and costly and just kind of suck.</span></span><br /><br /><span class="Apple-style-span" style="BORDER-COLLAPSE: collapse; -webkit-border-horizontal-spacing: 2px; -webkit-border-vertical-spacing: 2px"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;">Like all compelling heroes, Mr. Janka was more legend than fact, until 2008 or so when a magazine, some gossip sites, and then Dr. Phil, and then the Today Show, pulled him into the media’s lime light and the world discovered that Paul Janka was the real thing: a devastatingly handsome, Harvard educated lothario with no real income and a tiny, 0 bath apartment who stalked the streets of Manhattan chatting up, and being really, really, really enthusiastically received by, random girls he approached on the subway, at book stores, at Starbucks.</span></span><br /><br /><span class="Apple-style-span" style="BORDER-COLLAPSE: collapse; -webkit-border-horizontal-spacing: 2px; -webkit-border-vertical-spacing: 2px"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;">This isn't to suggest Mr. Janka's lifestyle has special cultural significance, at least any more so than John Mayer's or Tiger Woods'. His minor celebrity, like almost everything the media (the New Yorker and New York Times and a few others somewhat excepted) celebrates, is largely motivated by shallow sensationalism (and the Goldman Sachsesque capitalism its serves). What is interesting, and possibly significant, however, is the secondary and complex reason for the sensation: not Mr. Janka's lifestyle but his <i>opinion</i> of his lifestyle.</span></span><br /><br /><span class="Apple-style-span" style="BORDER-COLLAPSE: collapse; -webkit-border-horizontal-spacing: 2px; -webkit-border-vertical-spacing: 2px"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;">Mr. Janka is </span><a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dmYT6qlyIws"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;">outspoken</span></a><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"> about the fact he TRIES to be a player. He feels it is his job as a single man. It’s not - as the theory of Mr. Janka goes - an externality of his other successes (financial or social). He strategizes it. He talks about “tightening” his game and analogizes the girls in his love life to loans in a portfolio (poorly performing loans are cut loose). Mr. Janka’s argument is that being successful with women, and he’s indisputably correct on this point, takes analysis, hard work, and learning from his mistakes, and further, that men fail themselves and, implicitly, fail women's expectations of them, when they don't make this a priority.</span></span><br /><br /><span class="Apple-style-span" style="BORDER-COLLAPSE: collapse; -webkit-border-horizontal-spacing: 2px; -webkit-border-vertical-spacing: 2px"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"><a href="http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=playa+hata">Some people</a></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"> find Mr. Janka's opinions a tenacious vexation. They feel about Mr. Janka the subtle way King Edward I </span><a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/William_Wallace#Wallace.27s_capture_and_execution"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;">felt about</span></a><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"> William Wallace. The basis for this vexation is almost always expressed through an emotionally charged, weirdly personal argument that seems somewhat divorced from the logic of discussion. The usual charges focus on: 1) an alleged personality disorder, 2) the emotional harm Janka has inflicted on others, 3) how pathetic he is and how he's stupid jerk who's going to die loveless and lonely, and doesn't deserve them and still owes them $70 from the festival thing, no they don’t even want the money, take it back [flinging currency, sobbing].</span></span> </span><span class="Apple-style-span"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="BORDER-COLLAPSE: collapse; -webkit-border-horizontal-spacing: 2px; -webkit-border-vertical-spacing: 2pxfont-size:medium;" ><br /></span></span><br /><span style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="BORDER-COLLAPSE: collapse; -webkit-border-horizontal-spacing: 2px; -webkit-border-vertical-spacing: 2px"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;">But this isn't entirely crazy. Mr. Janka's opinions can mess with your worldview, disorient you precisely in the manner a romantic break-up does, and this is because everyone's worldview has as part of its construction an answer to a very particular question: is there an intrinsic meaning in consensual sexual success?FN2 And though the answer to this question tends to fall, in tangent with people's opinions on Mr. Janka's opinions, straight down gender lines, it's way more complicated and fundamental and ultimately provocative than we generally think.</span></span> </span><span class="Apple-style-span"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="BORDER-COLLAPSE: collapse; -webkit-border-horizontal-spacing: 2px; -webkit-border-vertical-spacing: 2pxfont-size:medium;" ><br /></span></span><br /><span class="Apple-style-span" style="BORDER-COLLAPSE: collapse; -webkit-border-horizontal-spacing: 2px; -webkit-border-vertical-spacing: 2px"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;font-size:medium;">The problem with sex from an existential perspective is that it's inherently awesome and it's inherently banal and cliche, and it's both things at the same time. Hardline religious prohibitions against recreational fornication, for example, seem insanely anachronistic but also, undeniably, are based on a valid point: sex for the purpose of sex somehow seems spiritually empty. Reality, however, makes it manifestly true that everything that occurs in adulthood, especially the stuff we admire and celebrate, like art, skyscrapers, and </span><a href="http://www.theonion.com/articles/area-man-plays-imagine-every-time-he-sees-a-piano,3141/"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;font-size:medium;">getting decent at guitar</span></a><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;font-size:medium;">, exists as a semi-conscious ploy to win some girl or guy's favor. Studies consistently show </span><a href="http://psycnet.apa.org/psycinfo/1977-03364-001"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;font-size:medium;">significant negative correlations</span></a><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;font-size:medium;"> between sexual frustration and a more general existential frustration. And further, any acts that lack the promise of sexual reward - like say, </span><a href="http://www.darwinawards.com/darwin/darwin1995-04.html"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;font-size:medium;">attaching</span></a><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;font-size:medium;"> a solid fuel rocket to a car, </span><a href="http://www.wired.com/science/discoveries/news/2007/04/dayintech_0403"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;font-size:medium;">moving to Montana</span></a><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;font-size:medium;">, or becoming a Catholic priest - are not only pointless, they tend to make trouble.FN3</span></span><span style="font-family:arial;"><br /><br /><span class="Apple-style-span" style="BORDER-COLLAPSE: collapse; -webkit-border-horizontal-spacing: 2px; -webkit-border-vertical-spacing: 2px"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;">Further, if we press the inquiry, the less it seems specifically about sex so much as social success in general. If, for example, you disapprove of Mr. Janka's ideas, it's not likely due to antiquated notions about virginity. If Mr. Janka habitually picked up girls and inveigled them back to his apartment, but stopped just short of sexual congress, at the precise point she advertised her full intent to sleep with him, that wouldn't redeem him. That might even make him worse. And this demonstrates the essence of any objection to Mr. Janka: he convinces as many women as possible to think he is very, very cool, and that is not harmless action, because the acknowledgment of coolness requires </span><a href="http://www.livescience.com/health/080710-onenight-stand.html"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;">a psychological surrender</span></a><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;">. You don't call someone cool unless they're more cool than you.</span></span><br /><br /><span class="Apple-style-span" style="BORDER-COLLAPSE: collapse; -webkit-border-horizontal-spacing: 2px; -webkit-border-vertical-spacing: 2px"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;">But trying to convince other people to think we're very, very cool is precisely what everyone does all the time. It's a quietly and universally shared ethic. We just aren't as systematic or direct or honest (nor, ultimately, successful) about it as Mr. Janka. We don't run a person-by-person guerrilla campaign. Maybe that makes a ethical difference but it’s difficult to articulate why.</span></span><br /><br /><span class="Apple-style-span" style="BORDER-COLLAPSE: collapse; -webkit-border-horizontal-spacing: 2px; -webkit-border-vertical-spacing: 2px"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;">In this regard, the moral value of Janka's philosophy, and diverging opinions on the matter, involve a really large question: what are we supposed to be doing with </span><a href="http://www.theonion.com/articles/apartment-set-up-to-create-illusion-of-wellrounded,3018/"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;">our lives</span></a><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;">? How do we reconcile the two and half century old Rousseauian quest for happiness and contemplation with our powerful, often conflicting desires for status enhancement and romantic glory. Why are we doing </span><a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OPfwZtX5_Xk&feature=related"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;">what we're doing</span></a><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;">? Working 55 hours a week, leasing an Audi, spin class, that $800 handbag, what’s the point? We aren’t waking every morning at 6:30 AM and playing this game to </span><i><a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Flow_(psychology)"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;">achieve flow</span></a></i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;">. We know it. We could, each one of us goddam overeducated, super privileged San Franciscans, if we wanted, move to Eureka, find a secure job as a clerk at a grocery store, read books, contemplate Nature and get cozy with the local bumpkins. But we don’t. Because people who do that </span><a href="http://www.theonion.com/articles/why-its-cool-to-suck-at-math,10324/"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;">are losers</span></a><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;">.</span></span><br /><br /><span class="Apple-style-span" style="BORDER-COLLAPSE: collapse; -webkit-border-horizontal-spacing: 2px; -webkit-border-vertical-spacing: 2px"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;">Some groups acknowledge this aspect of our humanity more openly than others. An affecting part of being in NYC, for example, is that New Yorkers are <em>interested in your business</em>. Step onto the 6 line Subway and 50 odd pairs of eyes will check your sh*t out. The more you think about it the more it's unnerving, because this hyper vigilant social surveillance is fueled by selfish interest and unapologetic ambition. You're being evaluated for the purposes of hierarchical placement. Sometimes you'll come out of these evaluations the cool kid and sometimes, even if you’re Mr. Janka, you'll get </span><a href="http://www.csuchico.edu/~cheinz/syllabi/asst001/fall97/adra-hpn.htm"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;">ranked out</span></a><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;">. As DFW commented, in Manhattan you almost hear the "hiss" of egos in various stages of inflation and deflation.</span></span> </span><span class="Apple-style-span"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="BORDER-COLLAPSE: collapse; -webkit-border-horizontal-spacing: 2px; -webkit-border-vertical-spacing: 2pxfont-size:medium;" ><br /></span></span><br /><span style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="BORDER-COLLAPSE: collapse; -webkit-border-horizontal-spacing: 2px; -webkit-border-vertical-spacing: 2px"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;">There's a honesty to that ethos but it's the number one reason people hate NYC. Undisguised social strategizing is distasteful and, if you're on the wrong end of it, demoralizing. Take, for contrast, the more sophisticated social protocols of San Francisco MUNI bus transportation, which dictate, especially during commute hours, that all riders deny of the existence of extra personal human life. Riders so improvident as to lack an invisibility prop (iPhone, iPod, paperback) must dodge, duck, dip, dive and dodge the obvious presence of others. They sprain their necks to avoid eye contact. They look past you if possible or through you if cornered. For fifteen minutes they're fifteen inches from your face but they don't blink. They sweat that sh*t out. </span></span><br /><br /><span class="Apple-style-span" style="BORDER-COLLAPSE: collapse; -webkit-border-horizontal-spacing: 2px; -webkit-border-vertical-spacing: 2px"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;">This brand of anti-socialism is socially equalizing and in a way high mindedly humanistic, perhaps the precise opposite of Mr. Janka's interventionist, chat, charm and conquer approach to existence, but it's also a cop out. It's a repression of an essential part of who we are. It's an excuse to be afraid. It's hatin'. It's WTANGISF.</span></span><br /><br /><span class="Apple-style-span" style="BORDER-COLLAPSE: collapse; -webkit-border-horizontal-spacing: 2px; -webkit-border-vertical-spacing: 2px"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;">Not that there are </span><a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Positivism"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;">positivist truths</span></a><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"> when discussing this bullsh*t. Our minds can manufacture some damn clever abstractions and we can cleave to them in our books, our dinner arguments, our blogs, etc. but no matter what sh*t we talk or profess to believe we'll always be in the most intimate of things a little confused and a bit lonely, in no small part because we know in a very profound way we aren't </span><a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mAsqZTwp1lQ"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;">going to live forever</span></a><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;">. Our </span><a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Scepticism_and_Animal_Faith"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;">animal faith</span></a><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"> in that cannot be shaken. And so in the absence of any divine guidance about what they're supposed to do before they die, people will always do the same thing: get out of the house, mix it up, and try to nab a pretty girl or two. And to us, that sounds like a Janka move. Like being a player. And it sounds pretty f*cking right. It doesn't sound like the most noble or sophisticated thing in the world, sure, but it still sounds like, well, life.</span></span><br /><br /><span class="Apple-style-span" style="BORDER-COLLAPSE: collapse; -webkit-border-horizontal-spacing: 2px; -webkit-border-vertical-spacing: 2px"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;">In the end, you may still think Mr. Janka and his opinions are way extreme. That he is messed up. A psychotic. And we're just saying, you may be correct. We're just saying that's precisely why we need him around. As DFW </span><a href="http://www.goodreads.com/quotes/show/257415"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;">also said</span></a><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;">, "Psychotics, say what you want about them, tend to make the first move."</span></span><br /><br /><span class="Apple-style-span" style="BORDER-COLLAPSE: collapse; -webkit-border-horizontal-spacing: 2px; -webkit-border-vertical-spacing: 2px"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;">FN1 "We do not require our heroes to be subtle, just to be big. Then we can depend on someone to make them subtle." D.J. Enright in 'The Marquis and the Madame', in Conspirators and Poets, 1966.</span></span> </span><span class="Apple-style-span"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="BORDER-COLLAPSE: collapse; -webkit-border-horizontal-spacing: 2px; -webkit-border-vertical-spacing: 2pxfont-size:medium;" ><br /></span></span><br /><span class="Apple-style-span" style="BORDER-COLLAPSE: collapse; -webkit-border-horizontal-spacing: 2px; -webkit-border-vertical-spacing: 2px"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;font-size:medium;">FN2 Let's note here that the terms of sexual success depend on your gender, which muddles things. Naked sexual success for a woman is more of a scenario than an act. It's an engagement ring. From the i-banker with a BMW. With a bit of snuggling. The rising phenomenon of the Cougar supplements this, but as a sort of risible Plan B, when hope for the good life has gone. </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="BORDER-COLLAPSE: collapse; -webkit-border-horizontal-spacing: 2px; -webkit-border-vertical-spacing: 2pxfont-size:medium;" ><br /></span></span><br /><span class="Apple-style-span" style="BORDER-COLLAPSE: collapse; -webkit-border-horizontal-spacing: 2px; -webkit-border-vertical-spacing: 2px"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;font-size:medium;">FN3 Adam Carolla, discussing the guys who, when ambushed on the TV show "Catch a Predator", claim they just intended to "hang out" with an underage girl, jokes, "If that is true ... if you're plan is to troll the Internet, exchange some pics, drive for nine hours, show up at the [14 yr old's] house in a wife beater, and then if your plan really is just go out to the batting cage, then something is profoundly wrong with you. I get the guy who wants to f*ck them. I don't agree with it but I understand it. I know what the motivation is. [But that] excuse is worse than the alleged crime in my book. Shooting pool with a strange 13 year old you met on the Internet, and just hanging out, penny for your thoughts, much wierder." </span></span>Samuel Snodgrasshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11762535101951720683noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4276514135378866035.post-88598364301895717292010-04-11T12:54:00.000-07:002010-04-11T13:16:26.332-07:00#37 Cougars<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjBLoYAgfLKy7-Sl71N7Nn1sZDtwbYEoGBu7nxfZpuJWMvAJRjJG20agD2wL8cYd6p-TH36-p0-qzLg76NxK7Hnrts6yT1cwQmzCFnu5sFeNG78-IYrddgtNg5mCDylBAXkKmXJJprv-A/s1600/infphoto_936674_courtney_cox_busy_philips_cougar_town.jpg"><img style="float:right; margin:0 0 10px 10px;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 238px; height: 320px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjBLoYAgfLKy7-Sl71N7Nn1sZDtwbYEoGBu7nxfZpuJWMvAJRjJG20agD2wL8cYd6p-TH36-p0-qzLg76NxK7Hnrts6yT1cwQmzCFnu5sFeNG78-IYrddgtNg5mCDylBAXkKmXJJprv-A/s320/infphoto_936674_courtney_cox_busy_philips_cougar_town.jpg" border="0" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5458972050394635730" /></a><br /><p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 13.0px Arial"><span class="Apple-style-span" style=" ;font-family:Tahoma, serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;">People can’t get enough of </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"><a href="http://www.doublex.com/blog/xxfactor/watch-out-bachelors-cougar-coming">Cougars</a>. People consider cougars a hilarious and scintillating cultural development. </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"><a href="http://www.funnyordie.com/videos/e7bf35aaf7/the-grumpy-cougar-from-erx11-nick-swardson-and-david-spade">Cougars</a>! people say with a smile of anticipatory delight, even if no </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"><a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Rebound">Cougar</a> is around, as if just saying the word is like blowing a high frequency whistle, and </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"><a href="http://www.ivillage.com/katie-couric-younger-boyfriend-0/1-a-123178">one</a> will come running along in short order. </span></span></span></p> <p style="margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; font: normal normal normal 13px/normal Tahoma; min-height: 16px; "><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px"></span><br /></span></span></p> <p style="margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; font: normal normal normal 13px/normal Tahoma; "><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;">A periodical no less august than Newsweek, in fact, called 2009 the </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"><a href="http://www.newsweek.com/id/202538">“Year of the Cougar.”</a> We kid you not. That’s some puissant cultural momentum there. Pretty soon Cougars will be bringing so much attitude and </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"><a href="http://www.hulu.com/watch/57940/saturday-night-live-cougar-den">middle-age sass</a> they will cannibalize their own metaphor. Little kids will ask, “Why are those scary cats at the zoo named after sexually aggressive, pre-menopausal women?” By the time those kids are teenagers, their won’t even be a first love, just a first Cougar. “Timmy met </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"><a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ArSqVIitKhk">a forty-year old</a> last night, Frank,” a beaming mom will announce. “Oh, did he now?” the dad will smirk, thinking, that’s my son. </span></span></span></p> <p style="margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; font: normal normal normal 13px/normal Tahoma; min-height: 16px; "><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px"></span><br /></span></span></p> <p style="margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; font: normal normal normal 13px/normal Tahoma; "><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;">At school, Senior cheerleaders won’t be caught dead with any boy above the eighth grade. College fraternities will bus in divorcees from suburban neighborhoods for Homecoming. Teachers caught sexting and cavorting with men their own age will be fired and exposed on tabloid web pages and Fox News. “What’s happening to our society?” an aged and tear-stained Glenn Beck will ask. </span></span></span></p> <p style="margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; font: normal normal normal 13px/normal Tahoma; min-height: 16px; "><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px"></span><br /></span></span></p> <p style="margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; font: normal normal normal 13px/normal Tahoma; "><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;">Redox, a cosmetic procedure that introduces fine wrinkles into smooth young skin, will make pharmaceutical companies billions. Frustrated 19 year old coeds will spend whole afternoons sitting on chicken wire, hoping to imprint a simulacra of cottage cheese on their thighs. Any woman older than 35 without fake boobs won’t be able to renew her driver’s license. Pederasts will leer through the chain linked fences around </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"><a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Noq_oR1a0gs">retirement homes</a> and pimply kids will sneak into the midnight showing of <i>Sex in the City 12</i>. </span></span></span></p> <p style="margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; font: normal normal normal 13px/normal Tahoma; min-height: 16px; "><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px"></span><br /></span></span></p> <p style="margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; font: normal normal normal 13px/normal Tahoma; "><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;">It’s all very different and as Newsweek seems to appreciate, it’s all very exciting. </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"><a href="http://www.funnyordie.com/videos/30d5e1d2e0/the-cougar-club-by-susan-mcbride">Cougars</a>! They might finally right all the imbalance and longing and soullessness that besmirches our times. In retrospect, the Cougar just makes so much sense. In the 2000 movie High Fidelity, record store owner Rob </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"><a href="http://en.wikiquote.org/wiki/High_Fidelity">avers</a>, </span></span></span></p> <p style="margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 1px; margin-left: 0px; line-height: 19px; font: normal normal normal 13px/normal Tahoma; min-height: 16px; "><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px"></span><br /></span></span></p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 1.0px 0.0px; line-height: 19.0px; font: 13.0px Helvetica"><span style="font: 13.0px Tahoma; letter-spacing: 0.0px color:#565656;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;">“</span></span></span><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;">Read any women's magazine and you'll see the same complaint over and over again: men...are hopeless ...they are selfish, greedy, clumsy, unsophisticated. These complaints...are kind of ironic. Back [in high school], all we wanted was foreplay, and girls weren't interested...they used to thump us if we tried. ...Between the ages of fourteen and twenty-four, foreplay changes from being something that boys want to do and girls don't, to something that women want and men can't be bothered with. ... The perfect match, if you ask me, is between the Cosmo woman and the fourteen-year old boy.”</span></span></span></p> <p style="margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; font: normal normal normal 13px/normal Tahoma; min-height: 16px; "><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px"></span><br /></span></span></p> <p style="margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; font: normal normal normal 13px/normal Tahoma; "><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;">The thing about social revolutions, especially ones foreseen by John Cusack comedies, is innocent people get caught in the cross-hairs. In the space between the old and new order there are casualties. For the late twenty something men and women of San Francisco in 2010, who still think in anachronistic terms of dating and then marrying someone roughly their own age, there are frustrations. Our instincts are at odds with our awareness of cultural forces. The idea that a guy should make a lot of money and have a really attractive younger spouse - it’s very 2008, and way outmoded, so much so that stubbornly pursuing it is not just banal and cliche but kind of tragic. It’s Charlie Chaplan making silent movies after the introduction of sound.</span></span></span></p> <p style="margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; font: normal normal normal 13px/normal Tahoma; min-height: 16px; "><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px"></span><br /></span></span></p> <p style="margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 14px; margin-left: 0px; font: normal normal normal 13px/normal Tahoma; "><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;">But we have faith. We will adapt. We will embrace. Why shouldn’t we? Cougars! As eloquently put by the WTANGISF editors:</span></span></span></p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 14.0px 0.0px; font: 14.0px 'Trebuchet MS'"><span style="font: 13.0px Tahoma; letter-spacing: 0.0px color:#565656;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;">“</span></span></span><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;">The truth is that on balance maybe old-school marital monogamy for all its socio-economical advantages isn't that psychologically beneficial for individuals. Perhaps being married to a [woman] who fantasizes about [Prince William] and resents being stuck with you isn't so wonderful for anyone. Perhaps regular guys are happier being celibate surfers or cartoonists or whatever than emasculated office cubicle providers. Perhaps [women are] happier talking trash with [their] single friends over cosmos and getting [comfort from Tucker Max] nine times a year. It's a different way of life sure but we don't know that it's a bad one.”</span></span></span></p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 14.0px 0.0px; font: 14.0px 'Trebuchet MS'"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;">Who can argue with that? Rawrr!</span></span></span></p>Samuel Snodgrasshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11762535101951720683noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4276514135378866035.post-39092430498666426762010-04-09T13:41:00.000-07:002010-04-09T13:57:09.753-07:00#36 "Lisa" from #35 comments<p><span style="font-family:arial;">In her comment to posting #35, "Lisa" said,</span></p><p><span style="font-family:arial;">"I think you're wrong about the guys in bars thing. .. No one invites anonymous serial killers to their wedding. I don't know why people have so much trouble with bay area dating. I moved here from Alabama (smiling and friendly) and met a great guy that my friend introduced me to at a club. ... Be nice, a nice girl will find you. God bless you."</span></p><p><span style="font-family:arial;">Two points.</span></p><p><span style="font-family:arial;">First, we like the cut of Lisa's jib.FN1 We suspect she is indeed smiley and friendly. She's from Alabama which isn't a foreign country but sort of is, and so Lisa probably has the frankness and happy spirit of a foreign girl. In addition, whatever our atheistic reservations, a sincere, old-school, Baptist-style, Bible-belt benediction ("God bless you") is just nice, like lemonade on a Southern summer afternoon when we know we shouldn't be having all that sugar. To this add Lisa's optimistic prediction that a nice girl will find us, and well, to be honest, we're crushing on Lisa a bit. She probably looks like Reese Witherspoon crossed with Jessica Simpson. </span></p><p><span style="font-family:arial;">Even if Lisa is the stuff dreams are made of, however, apparently she already has her "great guy" (and probably calls him "Sugar" every so often, the lucky bastard) so as quickly and magnificently as Lisa appeared, like a parking spot spied on Russian Hill, she is taken from us, and this is WTANGISF.</span></p><p><span style="font-family:arial;">Second, as to Lisa's point about serial killers, we have some things to say. Let's start with a footnote we edited out of #35:</span></p><p><span style="font-family:arial;">"FN1fn2: The argument that wedding party is somehow a more "real" and "safe" community probably once made sense but the progressive fracturing of all social groups, including families, by divorce, job jumping, grad school interludes and Facebook-grade friendship, renders it modernly meaningless."<br /><br />We're not quite sure if this is true. But it's probably true. Take the original example of </span><a href="http://www.yelp.com/biz/mamacita-san-francisco"><span style="font-family:arial;">Mamacitas </span></a><span style="font-family:arial;">on a Thursday. Mamacitas, like most restaurants/bars, accomodates nearly anyone who shows up, however, there are a bunch of infrastructural disincentives to entry - its Marina location, the frou-frou food, the parking difficulties, social pressures to dress and converse in a certain way while you're there - that act as an indirect vetting process of the clientele. The class of people willing to eat $18 Mahi Mahi nachos and get excited about a pricey pitcher of apple chunks in spoiled wine is actually quite small. It's almost exclusively limited to the bourgeouis p*ssies (Holla!) who live in or around one of the most expensive neighborhoods in the world, take Saturday yoga classes at Crunch and earn in the 99th percentile. And all these p*ssies are in some socio-economo-geographical way probably more closely connected (linkedin! Haas! SF Bar Association!) than the random, rag-tag assortment of cousins (there's no way to vet family members - the annoying, the pathetic, the dangerous - they come too) and old, sketchy as hell, high school friends who comprise a wedding party.<br /><br />The lovely Lisa might argue, however, that certain serial killers, like the infamous Ted Bundy, for example, hang out at places like Mamacitas and SEEM totally normal, with their yoga talk and BR slacks even though behind the urbane facade they're total psychos. They could show up at Mamacitas and no one would be the wiser. And that is true, but you see, the non-obvious serial killers, because they lead double lives, also get invited to weddings. That's the catch-22 with serial killers. No matter how safe we play it, they're going to murder us.<br /><br />FN1: By the way we also like "lisalisa" (we might even "likelike" her ) from #32 comments who said, "great writing and totally hilarious. you had me laughing out loud all to myself." She seems brilliant and probably has soft skin. Recommendation of this week: chat up girls named Lisa.<br /></span><a href="http:///"></a><br /><a href="http:///"></a><br /><a href="http:///"></a><br /><a href="http:///"></a><br /></p>Samuel Snodgrasshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11762535101951720683noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4276514135378866035.post-45809524105473105472010-04-02T21:45:00.000-07:002010-04-02T21:49:43.926-07:00#35 The Great White Buffalo<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEixezqyy2n02byuIuLDEXQt2W5B97HlmfiaFyoXhMkOr2xMFXRxBIvybYWKxRWn5NYCKWxikGaqz77DHkUgjRP_RibA8EoCOziogHqaYcBVYY3qYK496GRUbp6ctdUAMCIxrxZy4NV0ag/s1600/spmm.jpg"><img style="float:right; margin:0 0 10px 10px;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 226px; height: 320px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEixezqyy2n02byuIuLDEXQt2W5B97HlmfiaFyoXhMkOr2xMFXRxBIvybYWKxRWn5NYCKWxikGaqz77DHkUgjRP_RibA8EoCOziogHqaYcBVYY3qYK496GRUbp6ctdUAMCIxrxZy4NV0ag/s320/spmm.jpg" border="0" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5455768101440325186" /></a><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><br /></span><p style="text-align: left;margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; font: normal normal normal 12px/normal 'Times New Roman'; min-height: 15px; "><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: arial, serif; font-size: small; ">"You created this white monster ... and it seems harmless and puff and cute — but given the right circumstances, everything can be turned back and become evil." - Dan Aykroyd</span></p><p></p> <p style="text-align: left;margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; font: normal normal normal 12px/normal 'Times New Roman'; min-height: 15px; "><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: arial, serif; font-size: medium; ">If you really want to think about it every chick you meet is someone’s ex-girlfriend. However new, bright and shiny the immediate moment, in the form of a smiling barista, a Marina-ite on the morning bus, or even that fleshy, neckless grey-haired woman from the bursar's office who stinks of cigarettes, it always has a past, in the form of an ex-boyfriend, and that son of a b*tch is smirking. He's a lanky dude with an arm tattoo and yeah, he tapped that. It’s like some f*cked up sociological analogue to Heisenberg’s uncertainty principle: no matter what skirt you’re chasing, you’ll always be at least ten minutes too late. Some other guy will always get there first. And here’s what really stings: you’ll never measure up to that guy. He’s her Great White Buffalo.</span></p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px 'Times New Roman'"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><br />No one knows how many GWBs exist out there. Every woman running around seems to have one - this singular, totally amazing guy who passed through her life for a fleeting but impassioned moment, a man who is part Russell Brand, Byronesque Baroque charm and part narrow-eyed, broad-shouldered Gerard Butleresque confidence, the kind of man she wishes her current man could smell like, a man who for all his absence remains at the center of her consciousness, making you the side-show schlub. She also hates this man and is committed to believing he's EVIL despite not really believing this at all, since she feels in her heart of tear-filled hearts he is WONDERFUL, even though, objectively, from the perspective of a sane person, the GWB is not a real person at all, but rather a messy and well-worn bundle of ideas and memories that have over time become far more significant and invigorating than the realities that were their provenance.</span></span></span></p><p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px 'Times New Roman'"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial, serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><br /></span></span></p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px 'Times New Roman'"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"> </span></span></span></p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 13.0px Arial"><span style="font: 13.0px 'Times New Roman'; letter-spacing: 0.0px"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">What no one can dispute, however, is that the </span></span></span><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">GWB real enough as far as </span></span><i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">we</span></span></i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"> are concerned. If he ever comes back in flesh, goateed and unemployed and five foot nothing, we'll still be sent packing; and if he doesn't, well, that's small consolation, since we'll just go on being a vague disappointment, like a used Camry after the Beemer got totaled.</span></span></span></p><p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 13.0px Arial"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><br /></span></p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 13.0px Arial"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"> </span></span></span></p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 13.0px Arial"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">It doesn't make any rational sense, not really, since statistics and probabilities tend to suggest we're GWBs ourselves, just in the imagination of some girl whose name we barely remember and who we aren't hitting on now. Hence the paradox: we can't compete with the GWB even though, theoretically speaking, we ARE that guy.</span></span></span></p><p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 13.0px Arial"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><br /></span></p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 13.0px Arial"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"> </span></span></span></p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 13.0px Arial"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">The probable reason for this is that life sucks and people are morons. Another contributing factor is that sometimes in some situations, like say the city of San Francisco right now, there is a vacuum that exists in the place properly reserved for romantic drama. In San Francisco, dating "problems" are more conceptual than tangible. They aren't about infidelity, or horrible set-ups, or horrible break-ups, as much as the </span></span><i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">idea</span></span></i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"> of dating. It's like discussing the relative merits of heaven and hell, everyone has an opinion but the question is always open for debate because no one has actually been there. SFers sit on buses and say putatively motivational things like, "The best way to meet someone is through friends, not at a bar or [fill in here a typical venue that exists for the purposes of meeting new people]," and her friend agrees as if this is the most supportable statement in the world, and then silence ensues as they realize that they already know all their friends and know their friends' friends, so that might not be the most brilliant strategy on the planet.FN1</span></span></span></p><p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 13.0px Arial"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><br /></span></p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 13.0px Arial"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"> </span></span></span></p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 13.0px Arial"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">Life generally gets a little precarious when there are no distractions. Too much thinking happens, too much blogging. If you’re romantically uninvolved you fully start to lose your mind. You cyber-stalk on Facebook and sink inward and reconstruct the sorry set of events that made you add Alanis Morrisette’s “That I would be Good” to your iPod. Long untended emotions rise up with the vim of a viper strike. You obsess and keep score and obsess some more and all the while, the legend of the GWB grows. </span></span></span></p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 13.0px Arial; min-height: 15.0px"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px"></span><br /></span></span></p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 13.0px Arial"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">In this state of affairs, when we approach a woman, we are Bill Murray and the GWB is the Stay Puft Marshmallow. Ghost or not he’s way more powerful than we. Guys have something analogous - “The One That Got Away”, but the effect of TOTGA is different. TOTGA doesn’t render any new girl we meet inadequate. We like the new girl too, just not as much. The GWB by contradistinction exists solely too preempt and destroy us. He is Shiva. He is the atomic bomb. </span></span></span></p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 13.0px Arial; min-height: 15.0px"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px"></span><br /></span></span></p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 13.0px Arial"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">No one knows all the reasons why the GWB is so devastating but one of them is probably this: the allure of the GWB is not the guy he represents, or even the idealization of that guy. The GWB is instead like a magical mirror that reflects a younger, more earnest, passionate and hopeful version of the girl looking in. The GWB is all the things life was during the era she dated him, before she was disenchanted and weary and had given up in the small incremental ways everyone does as adulthood disappoints one dream after another. Girls aren't in love with the GWB - they’re in love with the person they once were. That's why we can never beat the GWB, not because he has bigger arms but because we didn't know her then and he did. </span></span></span></p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 13.0px Arial; min-height: 15.0px"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px"></span><br /></span></span></p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 13.0px Arial"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">This is all very touching as analyses go but it’s hardly conclusive. Just for instance there also has to be something to the theory that San Francisco has its share of perennially single people and single people when privately indulging in some good old fashioned self-pity rummage through the sh*theap of their past and hand-pick someone who was the most out of their league and decide retrospectively that it should have worked out with them (even though that person doesn’t for a second ever think about them retrospectively) and then proceeds to hold all prospective significant others to that absurd (and essentially false) standard. Too much perspective can be crippling.</span></span></span></p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 13.0px Arial; min-height: 15.0px"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px"></span><br /></span></span></p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 13.0px Arial"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">Whatever. Everyone can go to hell. There’s too much thinking in this town, and too much blogging. Why won’t SF ladies try smiling and lightening up a bit? Why do they so delight in labeling every guy who hits on them a “douche”? Great White Buffalo. Great White Buffalo. Great White Buffalo. He’s kicking our a**.</span></span></span></p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 13.0px Arial; min-height: 15.0px"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><br /></span></p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 13.0px Arial"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">FN1: Something deep and primordial makes women dislike men at bars.FN1fn1 Women like men at weddings. Weddings, as Vince Vaughn and Owen Wilson demonstrated cinematically, are the best place in the world to get laid. However, guess where the guys who go to weddings go on weekends when there's no wedding? Bars. It's the same guys, ladies. Tip of the week for SF women: this Thursday, when you're at Mamacitas, visualize one big friendly wedding party and pretend everybody knows everybody else. Because there's no goddam difference.</span></span></span></p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 13.0px Arial"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"> </span></span></span></p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 13.0px Arial"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><br /></span></p><p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 13.0px Arial"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">FN1fn1: The limbic portion of the brain, which governs feeling, considerably predates the cortex, which is the seat of reason. Therapy can help.</span></span></span></p>Samuel Snodgrasshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11762535101951720683noreply@blogger.com12tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4276514135378866035.post-30657716250231382052010-03-06T19:08:00.000-08:002010-03-07T12:11:37.445-08:00# 34 Girl Game<p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 15.0px Georgia"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial, serif;"></span></p><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial, serif;"><p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 13.0px Tahoma; min-height: 16.0px"></p><p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 13.0px Tahoma; min-height: 16.0px">“An unlikely group of nine made its way to the outside patio of the Marina bar...[and she] pointed out, “I'm kind of looking around this bar, and there's nobody I'd want to bone with," she said. "Or flirt with. Or get with. ... Maybe I'm being too critical.” -<a href="http://www.sfweekly.com/2010-03-03/news/girl-game/"> “Girl Game”, SFWeekly</a></p><p></p><p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 13.0px Tahoma; min-height: 16.0px"><br /></p><p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 13.0px Tahoma; min-height: 16.0px"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, serif; font-size: 16px; ">We’re at the Tipsy Pig and it’s not so lame. The place is crackling, veritably buzzing with post happy-hour, 5 beers-deep exuberance and all the internal noise and brain machinery that almost never shuts up has muted for once and we’re feeling a bit liberated and we’re cracking wise and people are laughing and we’re gesticulating and in our enthusiasm we splash some amber ale on our sleeve but we don’t care, it doesn’t matter, for once we feel good and happy and unable to maintain a logical train of thought.</span><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px"></span></p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 13.0px Tahoma; min-height: 16.0px"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px"></span><br /></p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 16.0px Arial"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px">Except that we can, we say to guy to our left. We like this guy. He’s got really hairy arms and wears those weird penny loafer shoes that distract the hell out of us when we see him step by our cubicle at work but now, in this moment, we don’t care. We are full of love and generosity. Ha! Yes we are, calm and collected and incisive as ever! Don’t mistake me for a wavering, incoherent drunk, the kind who weaves and meanders like the Mississippi on his way to the Bayou that is the bar bathroom. We are not that guy. We maintain focus. We do not slur our speech or yak in garbage cans. We keep conversation at the highest level. We talk about Max Weber and Richard Posner and the trend towards government decentralization during the Reagan administration. Because we are a supreme genius. Don’t doubt that. We like boobs, sure. Agreed. This is an opinion in which you and us, the hairy arm, penny loafer wearing monsters of the world and us, have achieved a great degree of confidence. Blood alcohol levels cannot compromise our brilliance on this particular issue. It is beyond chemical influence or measure. </span></p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 13.0px Tahoma; min-height: 16.0px"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px"></span><br /></p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 16.0px Arial"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px">And so this goes on. The moments are sliding by and they are enthralling and pointless and fuzzy and benign, like being trampled by a herd of stampeding teddy bears. We talk and laugh and hear other people talk and laugh. Socializing and consuming beer. We have no troubles.</span></p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 13.0px Tahoma; min-height: 16.0px"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px"></span><br /></p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 16.0px Arial"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px">And then a sober, calculated thought gets through. It sneaks in like a narc at a coke party. Maybe it’s the bar winding down. Maybe it’s the buzz fading. Maybe it’s the course of modernity. Bringing more and more of the activities at the Tipsy Pig under the rules of rationality. They are being brought.</span></p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 13.0px Tahoma; min-height: 16.0px"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px"></span><br /></p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 16.0px Arial"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px">The thought was provoked. It wasn’t us. We didn’t want it. The thing is under normal circumstances however conditioned you rarely witness women approaching guys at a bar, but that’s what happened, we swear and we noticed it. They approached that table and started talking, you know, but they were strangers no doubt about it, not acquaintances, they were having the bullsh*t conversation strangers have, you could tell by the body language, talking about Juicy Couture pants or <i>Mad Men</i> or some goddam college basketball game, whatever the dudes can come up with to pass the time before asking the coded question that will be asked: “What are you guys doing tonight?”</span></p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Helvetica; min-height: 14.0px"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px"></span><br /></p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 16.0px Arial"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px">And so the clarity has come. Females are talking, maybe even flirting, with guys who are definitely not us. Our self-worth and lives are suddenly put in sharp relief. All is not one. We were wrong. All is divided. The golden halo of 6 pale ales deceived us. This no heaven of teddy bears and sporty badinage. This is only a man crying out in the darkness. This is pathetic. This is San Francisco. We push our beer away from us and feel sober and lonely as sin on Sunday. </span></p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Helvetica; min-height: 14.0px"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px"></span><br /></p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 16.0px Arial"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px">Meeting a goddam girl shouldn’t be so hard, we think. That’s what she said. Focus! We’re supposed to be depressed, we think. We’re alone. We’re alone. Hairy armed guy is a stellar dude but he he has no boobs. That is a glaring default at this hour. </span></p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 13.0px Tahoma; min-height: 16.0px"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px"></span><br /></p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 16.0px Arial"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px">Great! Now the girls are leaving. They are part of a larger group we see. It is an egress en masse. Fourteen eyes beneath bangs and pony tails and shaped eyebrows surveying the room as they leave, looking everyone over, and here we are, we know it, just another creep to them, a douche or someone who doesn’t have much to say, who is neither cool nor interesting, someone that they definitely don’t <a href="http://whytherearenogirls.blogspot.com/2009/08/17-decline-of-marriage-and-those-17.html">want to bone with, or flirt with, or get with</a>.</span></p><p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 16.0px Arial"><br /></p><p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 16.0px Arial"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px">We thought we were dynamic! We thought we were funny! But we're not. We don't even f*cking exist.</span></p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 13.0px Tahoma; min-height: 16.0px"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px"></span><br /></p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 16.0px Arial"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px">Now we are depressed. Hairy arm guy doesn’t notice so we just gaze on silently as if we don’t care, as if we're ruthless mercenaries, like everyone else, playing some elaborate dating game, pretending that we know the rules, pretending that we’re tough too, pretending that we’re aggressive and ambitious and haughty. That we’re black and bad-ass and r<a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=owGykVbfgUE&feature=channel">ide horses backward with diamonds spilling out of our hands</a>. </span></p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 13.0px Tahoma; min-height: 16.0px"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px"></span><br /></p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 16.0px Arial"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px">But we don’t believe that sh*t. We just believe we’re lonely and vulnerable and staring at a half empty glass at a bar with 3 ounces of beer on our sleeve knowing that’s the way it’s been for a very long time. And we know it’s our fault, and we shouldn’t blame anyone and we deserve it. We know. We read the Internet too.</span></p></span><p></p>Samuel Snodgrasshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11762535101951720683noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4276514135378866035.post-89107529461782265642010-02-04T16:46:00.000-08:002010-04-09T13:57:38.810-07:00#33 Yoga Classes<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiv6WhfvK9nwQXsES_9QqZNaB3v8LKeO3JPL0RJQMwOIBdVgVEltgGbPQa6h-KksTMRO7SAlzo72UhWvS034f_LMKpc4l_mWhq2-rPf0rxuaimkTuyPLvMdcW2A1tP1kZaStpxx7GInCA/s1600-h/sting-and-yoga.jpg"><img id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5434556498319711874" style="FLOAT: right; MARGIN: 0px 0px 10px 10px; WIDTH: 320px; CURSOR: hand; HEIGHT: 278px" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiv6WhfvK9nwQXsES_9QqZNaB3v8LKeO3JPL0RJQMwOIBdVgVEltgGbPQa6h-KksTMRO7SAlzo72UhWvS034f_LMKpc4l_mWhq2-rPf0rxuaimkTuyPLvMdcW2A1tP1kZaStpxx7GInCA/s320/sting-and-yoga.jpg" border="0" /></a><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"><br /></span></span><p style="MARGIN: 0px; FONT: 13px Tahoma"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;">“Yoga is a lifestyle. It’s a way of life.”</span></span></p><p style="MARGIN: 0px; FONT: 13px Tahoma"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;">-KQED Forum </span></span><span style="FONT: 13px Arial"><i><a href="http://www.kqed.org/epArchive/R201001291000"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;">On the State of Yoga in America</span></span></a></i></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;">, Jan. 2010</span></span></p><p style="MIN-HEIGHT: 16px; MARGIN: 0px; FONT: 13px Tahoma"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"><span style="LETTER-SPACING: 0px"></span><br /></span></span></p><p style="MARGIN: 0px; FONT: 13px Tahoma"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;font-size:100%;">In San Francisco people </span><a href="http://wherearethemensf.com/"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;font-size:100%;">are aware</span></a><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;font-size:100%;">. They are higher level thinkers, like </span><a href="http://www.independent.co.uk/news/uk/this-britain/america-needs-a-revolution-says-sean-penn-666842.html"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;font-size:100%;">Sean Penn</span></a><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;font-size:100%;"> and spiritualist </span><a href="http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2008/06/12/dalai-lama-distances-hims_n_106675.html"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;font-size:100%;">Sharon Stone</span></a><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;font-size:100%;">. They podcast </span><a href="http://www.theonion.com/content/news_briefs/cash_strapped_npr_launches"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;font-size:100%;">“All Things Considered”</span></a><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;font-size:100%;"> and get sh*t faced on </span><a href="http://www.slate.com/id/2118039/"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;font-size:100%;">pinot</span></a><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;font-size:100%;">. They worry over </span><a href="http://www.sfgate.com/cgi-bin/article.cgi?f=/n/a/2009/07/28/sports/s055211D96.DTL&tsp=1"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;font-size:100%;">the predicament in the Middle East</span></a><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;font-size:100%;"> and condemn </span><a href="http://www.mtv.com/shows/jersey_shore/cast_member.jhtml?personalityId=13195"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;font-size:100%;">The Situation on the Jersey Shore</span></a><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;font-size:100%;">. They </span><a href="http://www.populationmedia.org/2009/06/19/woody-allen-on-population-speech-to-the-graduates/"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;font-size:100%;">transcend</span></a><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;font-size:100%;">. </span></p><p style="MIN-HEIGHT: 16px; MARGIN: 0px; FONT: 13px Tahoma"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span style="font-size:100%;"><span style="LETTER-SPACING: 0px"></span><br /></span></span></p><p style="MARGIN: 0px; FONT: 13px Tahoma"><span style="LETTER-SPACING: 0px"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;font-size:100%;">Many transcendent people practice yoga and San Franciscans are among the fervent. Like the </span><a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Mwu-4B9OQ5k"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;font-size:100%;">recreational activities</span></a><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;font-size:100%;"> lower-class white people do at fresh-water lakes, yoga is sort of an exercise and sort of a hobby but mostly a very specific way of thinking about the purpose of human life and your social status while barefoot, and as a special bonus it’s full of alliterative and pleonastically named moves like Downward Facing Dog^ that make people feel both playful and vaguely superior, like when you see mangled English on T-shirts made in Asia.^^</span></span></p><p style="MIN-HEIGHT: 16px; MARGIN: 0px; FONT: 13px Tahoma"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span style="font-size:100%;"><span style="LETTER-SPACING: 0px"></span><br /></span></span></p><p style="MARGIN: 0px; FONT: 13px Tahoma"><span style="LETTER-SPACING: 0px"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;font-size:100%;">Yoga classes seem like a prime pick-up place: an overabundance of </span><a href="http://newsblaze.com/story/20090829114921zzzz.nb/topstory.html"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;font-size:100%;">lightly clad women</span></a><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;font-size:100%;">, a presumptively non-predatory environment, and, for the length of the session, a collectively shared aspiration to be a better human than when you started, all of which, if you’re a shady dude out to score, seems pretty f*cking awesome. And statistically or probabilistically, who knows, it might even work (as a strategy), at least in the short term and if you don’t mind going to hell, but on a larger scale none of that even matters, because it’s the ethos rather than the environment of yoga classes that’s WTANGISF. </span></span></p><p style="MIN-HEIGHT: 16px; MARGIN: 0px; FONT: 13px Tahoma"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span style="font-size:100%;"><span style="LETTER-SPACING: 0px"></span><br /></span></span></p><p style="MARGIN: 0px; FONT: 13px Helvetica"><span style="font-size:100%;"><span style="FONT: 13px Tahoma"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;">The problem with yoga is that it aggravates an already pretty entrenched tendency for SFers to seek some elevated, totally abstract Truth</span></span><span style="LETTER-SPACING: 0px"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;">. You sit through enough yoga classes listening to </span></span><a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TY4Zl8TeP8g"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;">zen garden music</span></span></a><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"> doing the tortoise pose^^^ and you get </span></span><a href="http://edition.cnn.com/2010/CRIME/01/05/yoga.lawsuit.lee/"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;">brainwashed</span></span></a><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;">. You get </span></span><i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;">enlightened</span></span></i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;">. You start to really believe that life and even personal success isn’t out there, it’s </span></span><i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;">inside you</span></span></i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;">, delimited only by the contours of your confidence and inner reflections. Failure is an illusion, Sting has three week long orgasms and so on.</span></span></span></span></p><p style="MIN-HEIGHT: 16px; MARGIN: 0px; FONT: 13px Tahoma"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span style="font-size:100%;"><span style="LETTER-SPACING: 0px"></span><br /></span></span></p><p style="MARGIN: 0px; FONT: 13px Tahoma"><span style="LETTER-SPACING: 0px"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;font-size:100%;">This is confusing stuff because if you’re smart you can recognize the existential or philosophical wisdom in it, those Hindu ascetics were f*cking on to something, in fact it’s so compelling that you kind of want to ignore the obvious: it’s totally false in a sociological sense. It feeds a kind of narcissism that dismisses the relevance of very powerful </span><a href="http://static.desktopnexus.com/wallpapers/23564-bigthumbnail.jpg"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;font-size:100%;">exogenous realities</span></a><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;font-size:100%;">, the kind that govern who we ultimately get to be, such as our </span><a href="http://www.associatedcontent.com/article/882441/social_influences_on_behavior.html"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;font-size:100%;">peers</span></a><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;font-size:100%;">, Simon Cowell and Google’s HR department. All the </span><a href="http://aynrandlexicon.com/lexicon/physical_force.html"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;font-size:100%;">sh*t Ayn Rand</span></a><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;font-size:100%;"> warned us about. </span></span></p><p style="MIN-HEIGHT: 16px; MARGIN: 0px; FONT: 13px Tahoma"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span style="font-size:100%;"><span style="LETTER-SPACING: 0px"></span><br /></span></span></p><p style="MARGIN: 0px; FONT: 13px Tahoma"><span style="LETTER-SPACING: 0px"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;font-size:100%;">The message of yoga is that you can find higher meaning and your best self by ignoring the a**holes around you. This is probably right but keep in mind, its practice probably means the end of your genetic line. The question is do you want happiness and health or do you want desire and torrid heartache and intrigue and whatever else happens on Days of Our Lives? Do you want to be Obi Wan Kenobi in a hut on a moonscape or </span><a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Marlena_Evans"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;font-size:100%;">Marlena Evans</span></a><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;font-size:100%;"> (excluding 1994-1995 when she was possessed by the devil)? </span></span></p><p style="MIN-HEIGHT: 16px; MARGIN: 0px; FONT: 13px Tahoma"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span style="font-size:100%;"><span style="LETTER-SPACING: 0px"></span><br /></span></span></p><p style="MARGIN: 0px; FONT: 13px Tahoma"><span style="LETTER-SPACING: 0px"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;font-size:100%;">Dating puts the fallacies of yoga in sharp relief. Dating reminds us that despite what meditation mantras or motivational speakers say most decisions in life are not really </span><a href="http://thinkexist.com/quotation/life-is-full-of-choices-if-you-have-the-guts-to/347417.html"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;font-size:100%;">within us</span></a><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;font-size:100%;">. We aren't in control. The pressures are out there. And they are jejune, simplistically cliched and reductive things like mean girls and gender ratios and Fox News and the long-term epidermal effects of gravity. Such are the forces that keeps us off couches, sweating in the gym and moiling our vigor away in polyester coated cubicles. That make us ambitious and frustrated and ruthless and, if we’re lucky, wrinkled and worn out before we’re packed up and off to the morgue. This is San Francisco and New York City and Los Angeles. This is the great American way of life. These are the days of our lives.</span></span></p><p style="MIN-HEIGHT: 16px; MARGIN: 0px; FONT: 13px Tahoma"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span style="font-size:100%;"><span style="LETTER-SPACING: 0px"></span><br /></span></span></p><p style="MARGIN: 0px; FONT: 13px Tahoma"><span style="LETTER-SPACING: 0px"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;font-size:100%;">The stuff that motivates us, what we really deeply and passionately care about - youth, beauty, the money you lent Bernie Madoff, your parents, your 9 year old Pug named Nugget who has three teeth left - is ephemeral. You’re going to lose these things. And its going to break your f*cking heart every single instance. And it should. Because life isn’t about you. It’s not about your goddam one-ness with the cosmos.^^^^</span></span></p><p style="MIN-HEIGHT: 16px; MARGIN: 0px; FONT: 13px Tahoma"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span style="font-size:100%;"><span style="LETTER-SPACING: 0px"></span><br /></span></span></p><p style="MARGIN: 0px; FONT: 13px Tahoma"><span style="LETTER-SPACING: 0px"><span style="font-size:100%;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;">Everyone complains that SFers have unreasonable expectations about what they deserve. That there’s a disconnect between how they feel about themselves and how society judges them. Admittedly yoga isn’t directly responsible for this, it’s a symptom of a larger neuroses, but it’s also an exacerbating influence. It facilitates a certain mood and mindset pandemic among SFers that says the routine experience of cushy SF Bay Area life - its day-to-day details of Amazon shopping and parking and making small talk with people we deem beneath us socially - is an aggravation, an insufferably pain, a false ugly front to something lovely we just can’t see or appreciate, an unseen reality that is full of waterfall noises and wheat-grass smoothies and vicious animals assuming very serene poses, and that - miraculously - is somehow within us and so we successfully cultivate that mood and mindset and after all that, you know what that gets us? Well, who knows exactly, but it isn’t a strawberry blonde with bright eyes on a jet ski</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;">. And doesn’t everyone agree that’s what we’re missing?</span></span></span></span></p><p style="MIN-HEIGHT: 16px; MARGIN: 0px; FONT: 13px Tahoma"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"><br /></span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"><span style="LETTER-SPACING: 0px"></span></span></span></p><p style="MIN-HEIGHT: 16px; MARGIN: 0px; FONT: 13px Tahoma"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial, serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"><br /></span></span></p><p style="MARGIN: 0px; FONT: 13px Tahoma"><span style="LETTER-SPACING: 0px"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;">^Yoga’s penchant for flying crows and reclining moons, etc. shows a clear disfavor for anthropomorphic forms but it’s also prone to flagrant cherry-picking. Dogs do face down, true, but they also chase cars and lick their balls. </span></span><a href="http://www.prlog.org/10283000-when-yoga-pose-crow-can-be-dangerous.html"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;">Crows</span></span></a><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"> and </span></span><a href="http://www.yogajournal.com/poses/471"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;">cobras</span></span></a><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"> are probably the meanest creatures alive. Humans, meanwhile, can </span></span><a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eLedJCRg74M"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;">count cards</span></span></a><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"> and do </span></span><a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Hjp1MIGbYks&feature=related"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;">amazing jukes</span></span></a><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"> on astroturf. </span></span></span></p><p style="MIN-HEIGHT: 16px; MARGIN: 0px; FONT: 13px Tahoma"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"><span style="LETTER-SPACING: 0px"></span><br /></span></span></p><p style="MARGIN: 0px; FONT: 13px Tahoma"><span style="LETTER-SPACING: 0px"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;">^^Surely the Asians profiting off those t-shirt sales or just seeing ill-drawn Chinese character tattoos on the ankles of Vegas waitresses feel smug as hell, and so on the one-upmanship goes. Both the Asians and the Westerners are laughing their asses off at the expense of the other and if aliens ever come to this planet, they will destroy us out of sheer philosophical disgust and we will all deserve it.</span></span></span></p><p style="MIN-HEIGHT: 16px; MARGIN: 0px; FONT: 13px Tahoma"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"><span style="LETTER-SPACING: 0px"></span><br /></span></span></p><p style="MARGIN: 0px; FONT: 13px Tahoma"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;">^^^It’s </span></span><a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Turtles_all_the_way_down"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;">tortoises all the way down</span></span></a><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;">.</span></span></p><p style="MIN-HEIGHT: 16px; MARGIN: 0px; FONT: 13px Tahoma"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"><span style="LETTER-SPACING: 0px"></span><br /></span></span></p><p style="MARGIN: 0px; FONT: 13px Tahoma"><span style="LETTER-SPACING: 0px"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;">^^^^Except, OK, when it is. Technically we ARE made of stardust and a flower is not a flower but rainbows and wind and the infinite void and the whole history of the cosmos just pretending to be a flower and so on. The point is just that THINKING that way is both boring and culturally suicidal. It impresses almost no one (except, diabolically, when you’re a </span></span><a href="http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2010/02/03/aspen-yoga-instructor-fac_n_447934.html"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;">creep a**</span></span></a><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;">).</span></span></span></p>Samuel Snodgrasshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11762535101951720683noreply@blogger.com11tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4276514135378866035.post-7971913119453406672010-01-14T17:31:00.000-08:002010-01-14T17:38:21.408-08:00#32 The Downtown Routine (A State of Mind)<p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Helvetica"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial, serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><br /></span></span></p><p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Helvetica"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">[WTANGISF editors’ note: We suspect Sam may have over-indulged (beverage-wise) when he wrote the following.]</span></span></p> <p style="margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; font: normal normal normal 13px/normal Tahoma; min-height: 16px; "><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px"></span><br /></span></span></p> <p style="margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; font: normal normal normal 13px/normal Tahoma; "><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">The morning Muni bus is trundling through the filth and chaos of China Town. We're on the 1 line, the 30, the 45. It is body-on-body crowded again, just like yesterday and the day before that, so we stand and forfeit our seat, for appearance's sake really, and just like yesterday some grimacing, pirate-toothed septuagenarian bursts through </span></span><a href="http://sfist.com/2009/10/08/fight_on_sf_muni_bus_in_chinatown.php"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color:#000000;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">the scrum</span></span></span></a><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"> into the vacancy, first throwing us an elbow or taking a swipe at our knee cap with one of her five bags. Some small determined act of evil. She'll talk about us later, barking at one of her little friends in a violent burst of Cantonese fury; it will be a story of our weakness and contumely, punctuated by a loogie hocked to the curb. A wrinkled, wispy haired type in shapeless shoes manufactured in 1950 will look on, </span></span></span><span style="font: 14.0px Helvetica; letter-spacing: 0.0px"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">wondering, as he does every day, where all the hot chicks he sees in pirated DVDs are at</span></span></span><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">. All of this is ungenerous to think and inexcusably unfair and offensive and we know it but we’re grumpy. We step off the bus, feeling the usual local hate, being pummeled by tiny people and tiny food stuffs. The routine. </span></span></span></p> <p style="margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; font: normal normal normal 13px/normal Tahoma; min-height: 16px; "><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px"></span><br /></span></span></p> <p style="margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; font: normal normal normal 13px/normal Tahoma; "><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">A boring, late morning office buzz about lunch options and venues fizzles at 12:15 like it does every day because caring about burritos is intrinsically pathetic. As we leave the building we experience an irrational jolt of excitement, like when you de-plane at your vacation destination, when there's unmeasured sensual possibility, tropical fruit and rum and topless beaches!; but beyond the doors on Battery or Market or whatever it's just coldish wind and professionally bland boringness. Scrunch-faced women and drably dressed older guys. Groups of youngish men each indistinguishable one from the other in their khakis and striped shirts and diffident demeanors. We forget these people the moment we see them. </span></span></span></p> <p style="margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; font: normal normal normal 13px/normal Tahoma; min-height: 16px; "><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px"></span><br /></span></span></p> <p style="margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; font: normal normal normal 13px/normal Tahoma; "><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">We </span></span><a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mothers_of_the_Plaza_de_Mayo"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color:#000000;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">wonder about</span></span></span></a><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"> the disappeared pretty persons. Perhaps they are unemployed. Or work from home. They must exist - we recall seeing them on weekends, on Union Street or at Union Square, sunbathing at Dolores Park or strolling along Laguna towards the Mission on that idle Tuesday we played hookie. But never downtown. Certainly not at lunch time. </span></span><a href="http://www.theonion.com/content/node/35224"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color:#000000;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">Not really on Muni either</span></span></span></a><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">. Muni commute buses sometimes have 6s maybe a 7 and a half once in a blue moon. We puzzle on this briefly, sadly. A colleague, a cookie-cutter Republican white guy we tolerate on lunch outings, you know the type, all hackneyed fraternity brother banter and out-of-sync bravado, is talking about Tahoe cabins or his parking his Jeep we don't f*cking care. </span></span></span></p> <p style="margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; font: normal normal normal 13px/normal Tahoma; min-height: 16px; "><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px"></span><br /></span></span></p> <p style="margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; font: normal normal normal 13px/normal Tahoma; "><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">Whatever we ate was fine. It was okay. Some chick in the elevator is questioning us. Now opining. Something about fish tacos, and how they are “amazing,” which would just be forgettable mouth noise had she not said AMAZING in caps, which instead makes her criminally vapid and somehow vain, and should bar her from casual conversation for the rest of her shallow-minded, fatuous life but because she is one of the three congenital defect-free females under 40 who work at the company everyone starts agreeing like maniacs, creating a little sonic dust-up of a**-kissing nonsense.</span></span></span></p> <p style="margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; font: normal normal normal 13px/normal Tahoma; min-height: 16px; "><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px"></span><br /></span></span></p> <p style="margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; font: normal normal normal 14px/normal Helvetica; "><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">There was a time you know when we’d eat lunch at Bryant Park. We'd sit by the merry-go-round and behold Manhattan’s midtown splendor for half an hour. Models and artsy types and sleek Euro girls with sunshine bouncing off their sleek Euro hair. 24 year old marketing or publishing or PR assistants, making 40 grand and living in Murray Hill, all big eyes and toothy smiles, chatting away happily. Everyone checking out everyone. Everything a coy precursor to eventually becoming naked. No one saying sh*t about fish tacos.<br /></span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"> </span></span></p><p style="margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; font: normal normal normal 14px/normal Helvetica; "><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial, serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><br /></span></span></p> <p style="margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 18px; margin-left: 0px; font: normal normal normal 14px/normal Helvetica; "><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">In Sydney we’d cut out work around 5 and catch the train out to Bondi. We’d be wading into 72 degree waves by the half hour, breathless and happy. We'd usually bump into someone familiar, one of the regulars or a mate of a mate or Sandra, the improbably bosomed dark eyed Bay-Watchy girl who we barely knew but happened to work in the same building and was suddenly before us in a curious one-piece (she'd been swimming) and so we'd make sea-side chit-chat then teach her how to body surf in the same wildly cliched, farcically innocent, mutually grope-festy manner that you teach a girl to play billiards and then we'd stand with her gazing out over the water, us quietly thrilling and her quietly forgetting she has a boyfriend.<br /><br />Now it's 6. In dark, foggy downtown San Francisco. So we just head home. Separate packs of fuglies on separate Muni buses, each lurching up a hill. "School night!" someone says in a phony, cute voice that is, like </span></span><a href="http://www.guardian.co.uk/books/2008/sep/20/fiction"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color:#000000;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">DFW</span></span></span></a><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"> says, the absolute voice of death. We feel vaguely nauseous. We're unclear as to why Muni stops are a block or two apart. Why not 10 blocks? Subway style. Two miles shouldn't take thirty five minutes. We look around thinking like DFW did how repulsive everyone seems and how cow-like and dead eyed and how annoying and insecure. Up above cruel Shakespearean gods roll on the ground laughing.<br /><br />Our roommate calls. He wants to go out! he says which is so earnest and doomed a desire we want to cry. Our roommate is a good man in San Francisco. He is Roberto Benigni in </span></span><i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">Life is</span></span></i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"> </span></span><i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">Beautiful</span></span></i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">. He is a lone Chinese national standing before oncoming tanks. </span></span></span></p> <p style="margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 18px; margin-left: 0px; font: normal normal normal 14px/normal Helvetica; "><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">101 Minna! our roommate suggested and we can already envision it, not just the abstract notion of a Wednesday evening at a gimmicky drinking venue south of Market but the mathematical specifics: the 14 women who haven't been socially relevant since the 8th grade, the 13 women who are relevant but not significant provided a sober sense of physical and societal proportion, the five slightly irritated boyfriends, the three Sierra Nevadas, the two cougars having the time of their lives, the one cute, recently engaged community college girl from San Rafael, and the 35 semi-adult men with myriad half-visible insecurities and anxieties clutching pale ales like orphans with blankies. Everyone generally dismissive and bored of every one else. It'll be a Mexican standoff of awkwardness and condescension and desperate self-preservation. “</span></span><a href="http://www.yelp.com/biz/tlaloc-san-francisco"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color:#000000;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">Tlaloc</span></span></span></a><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"> has the most AMAZING salsa,” people will say.<br /><br />And people will be right. The routine doesn't lie. Patterns emerge. Downtowns develop. Ways of life and taco habits get entrenched and proliferated, in Manhattan, in Sydney, in San Francisco.<br /><br />Our bus stop approaches. We wait for it, waiting like morons, nothing to do, catching every so often a depressing, self-abnegating, self-loathing self-image in the window glare. Many summers ago we sat in our corduroy shorts on a mossy stump somewhere and pondered with our primitive little lord of the flies minds the nature of adult existence and whatever it was, it wasn't this. Not day after day. Not by choice. </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"> </span></span></p> <p style="margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 18px; margin-left: 0px; font: normal normal normal 14px/normal Helvetica; "><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">Not that retrospectively adorable youths are, at least typically, reliable sources of sound sociological theory. That is kind of the whole thesis of </span></span><i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">Lord of the Flies</span></span></i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">. Children are socio-pathological fantasists. Screw those bastards. They killed Piggy.</span></span></span></p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 18.0px 0.0px; font: 13.0px Arial"><span style="font: 14.0px Helvetica; letter-spacing: 0.0px color:#444444;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">We look out the window and sigh. We have missed our stop. This is not part of the routine. This is just a stupid existential corollary that </span></span></span><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">after an unintelligble day </span></span><a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Myth_of_Sisyphus"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color:#000000;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">just like yesterday</span></span></span></a><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"> and the day before that, devoid of girls, fair climes and girls and also, any attractive women leaves us where we started: bored on a bus with a bunch of fuglies. It's like that myth where you push a rock up a mountain and at the top, the rock rolls back down. It's like the second chick in a row, some pudgy Fresno State grad getting her nursing license or in sales at some start-up, screwing her face up in disgust when you try to buy her a goddam sea breeze. It's an absurd and insufferably boring struggle with no scale of values, like jazzercise or a David Blain endurance trick.</span></span></span></p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 13.0px Arial"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">Of course who the hell knows? Day to day doesn’t everybody feel bored and lonely? The bus driver, the tweener receptionist at the gym, those spooky octogenarian twins who wander about Nob Hill? Can you blame the culture or the metropolis or the man? Yes, yes, and yes. </span></span></span></p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 13.0px Arial; min-height: 15.0px"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px"></span><br /></span></span></p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 13.0px Arial"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">We’re finally ambling along Valencia or Scott or California or Laguna or whatever, closing in on home quarters and feeling like a solitary man and a pessimistic douche and just glad no one can look into our head and see the narcissism and negativity and frustration and weakness and then finding consolation that at least it’s f*cking Wednesday and that’s Hump Day and that’s a misnomer in San Francisco surely but at least it’s captures the right spirit and in two days it’ll be Friday and then, yeah, you know what we’ll do then, we’ll laugh at the downtown routine, we’ll fart in its f*cking face, and hell yeah, we’ll turn our backs and roar off like Geena Davis and Susan Sarandon, head to L.A. or Yosemite or you know, maybe just up to San Rafael, any place really where cute,</span></span></span><span style="font: 14.0px Helvetica; letter-spacing: 0.0px color:#444444;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"> recently engaged community college girls spot the streets like sprinkles on cupcakes, salsa is consumed comment-free and everyone agrees that everyone will eventually be getting naked. </span></span></span></p>Samuel Snodgrasshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11762535101951720683noreply@blogger.com22tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4276514135378866035.post-63958020594762291792009-12-11T08:56:00.000-08:002009-12-11T09:15:22.735-08:00#31 The 6s/7s Who Think They're 9s<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjb39wd1hNXzrUj6kvaxN-l9_Th8Bm7abXOmAfrepRM340qj4kcz0-o8RLOU2E3eSr1iZ5rwOv4RnAi2a9AeafepxpySgFXSryG1Pd55ElGwwXRqIsbn4zSPzS3c2O2aEQzOb03ZKzDww/s1600-h/ErmhTrPG1q4zvljs1e7tXAeDo1_400.jpg"><img style="float:right; margin:0 0 10px 10px;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 320px; height: 235px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjb39wd1hNXzrUj6kvaxN-l9_Th8Bm7abXOmAfrepRM340qj4kcz0-o8RLOU2E3eSr1iZ5rwOv4RnAi2a9AeafepxpySgFXSryG1Pd55ElGwwXRqIsbn4zSPzS3c2O2aEQzOb03ZKzDww/s320/ErmhTrPG1q4zvljs1e7tXAeDo1_400.jpg" border="0" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5414026431955945042" /></a><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"><br /></span><p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 13.0px 0.0px; font: 13.0px Arial"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;">-"San francisco? seriously? where all the 6s and 7s think they're 10s and 11s?" (</span></span><a href="http://www.yelp.com/topic/san-francisco-what-u-s-city-has-the-hottest-girls"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;">Yelp</span></span></a><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;">)</span></span></p><p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 13.0px Arial; min-height: 15.0pxcolor:#440f4c;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color:#000000;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;">-"The Bay Area is full of girls who THINK they're hot but really aren't."</span></span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: rgb(0, 0, 153); "><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"> </span></span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color:#000000;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;">(</span></span><a href="http://www.city-data.com/forum/san-francisco/812526-where-do-hot-girls-live-bay-2.html#post11563884%23ixzz0WatxWrbn"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;">City-data</span></span></a></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: rgb(0, 0, 153); "><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;">)</span></span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px"></span></span></span></p><p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 13.0px Arial; min-height: 15.0pxcolor:#440f4c;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color:#000099;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"><br /></span></span></p><p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 13.0px Arial; min-height: 15.0pxcolor:#440f4c;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px"></span></span></span></p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 13.0px 0.0px; font: 13.0px Arial"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;">-"Apparently many of the good men of San Francisco have decided that women are too uppity for their own good." (</span></span><a href="http://www.craigslist.org/about/best/sfo/83316442.html"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;">Craigslist</span></span></a><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;">)</span></span></span></p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 13.0px Arial; color:#000099;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color:#000000;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;">-"All the women i[n] SF are 6s but they have the additude [sic] of 10s." (</span></span><a href="http://www.yelp.com/topic/san-francisco-the-high-maintenance-girl-who-says-she-is-not-high-maintenance"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;">Yelp</span></span></a><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;">)</span></span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"> </span></span></p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 13.0px Arial; min-height: 15.0px"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px"></span><br /></span></span></p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 13.0px 0.0px; font: 13.0px Arial"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;">The statement is final and unwavering and the statement is this: SF women are 6s (or 7s) who think they are 9s. The fact of this is experienced so routinely and unavoidably that expression of it is no longer really controversial. It's barely interesting. It's like saying Dane Cook is a horrible comedian or people with eye-patches creep you out. It's not nice and it's kind of juvenile but it's also the structure of reality as objectively perceived. It's an assumption among friends, an ice-breaker among strangers, a talking point for Gavin Newsom in a pinch. Colleagues, people at parties, a random Brazilian girl outside of Mauna Loa. Everyone agrees. 6s who think they're 9s, yep, and don't you love red wine! Sean Hannity makes me sad!*</span></span></span></p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 13.0px 0.0px; font: 13.0px Arial"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;">There's a mess of things going on here but let's start with two curiosities. First, the statement reflects what may be the most weirdly specific yet universally shared aesthetic judgment of the post-Internet era. People can't even agree that </span></span><i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;">No Country for Old Men</span></span></i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"> was a good movie but if someone went around saying SF women are 3s (or 8s or 4s) SFers would tell him to get lost. Shut the hell up, they'd say. You're thinking of Bakersfield. Moron. Liar. It's 6s and (sometimes) 7s, open your eyes and pull it together.**<br /><br />Second, if it's true people can clearly distinguish a 6 from a 9, just like they can distinguish a fat person from a skinny one, then tens of thousands of SF women believing they're 9s when they are in fact 6s*** would seem to mean, essentially, that these women are insane. This, it turns out, is precisely what leading academics now theorize.</span></span></span></p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 13.0px Arial"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;">In the spring of 2009 a pair of research psychologists named Jean Twenge and W. Keith Campbell published </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><a href="http://www.narcissismepidemic.com/"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;">a book</span></a><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"> arguing that recent cultural developments, things like over-indulgent parenting, youtube and </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><a href="http://network.nationalpost.com/np/blogs/fullcomment/archive/2009/11/20/355398.aspx"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;">Carrie Prejean</span></a><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;">, have caused young American women to become delusional egomaniacs. They called this a "narcissism epidemic" and put forth a good deal of data and definitions to support it, far more in fact than they probably needed since the central idea - that women under 30 increasingly present a wildly unrealistic (in fact pathological) picture of their own success to themselves and to their peers - was embraced and confirmed wholesale by just about every publication (</span></span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><a href="http://online.wsj.com/article/SB124477121226408795.html#mod"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;">The WSJ</span></a><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;">, </span><a href="http://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-1213212/The-ego-epidemic-more-inflated-sense-fabulousness.html"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;">the </span></a></span><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><a href="http://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-1213212/The-ego-epidemic-more-inflated-sense-fabulousness.html"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;">Daily Mail</span></a><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;">, </span></span><span style="text-decoration: underline ; letter-spacing: 0.0px color:#000099;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><a href="http://www.newsweek.com/id/194640)"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;">Newsweek</span></a></span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;">, </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><a href="http://www.guardian.co.uk/commentisfree/2009/jul/26/women-wellbeing-unhappiness"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;">the Guardian</span></a><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;">, et al.) that reviewed the book.**** </span></span></span></p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 13.0px Arial; min-height: 15.0px"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px"></span><br /></span></span></p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Verdana"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;">All this seems a neat and easy umbrella explanation, a real time-saver, for the sub-epidemic of SF 6s who think they're 9s, but local SF opinion suggests something more complex is happening. When people say SF women think they're 9s, they don't seem to mean it literally. No one really contends SF women possess the clinical characteristics of pathological narcissists: constantly seeking attention or worshiping material wealth and (God knows) physical appearance. No one contends that SF women are from Florida. </span></span></span></p><p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Verdana"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial, serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"><br /></span></span></p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 13.0px Arial"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"> </span></span></span></p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Verdana"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;">The implication is more subtle: less that SF women are unable to differentiate between the world as it is and the world as they want it to be and more that they are self-consciously posturing and hoping no one will notice, similar to the way Padma Lakshmi pretends she has </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><a href="http://www.televisionaryblog.com/2007/01/top-chef-contestants-no-fans-of-padma.html"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;">something to add</span></a><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"> or really any business being on Top Chef. There is a sense by this account in which SF women DO believe they're 9s </span></span></span><span style="font: 13.0px Arial; letter-spacing: 0.0px"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;">but only in the manner that Christopher Hitchens says most religious proselytizers believe in heaven: which is to say they don't. They reason they won't shut up about the afterlife and why you should fear it is because deep down they know it doesn't exist.</span></span></span></p><p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Verdana"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial, serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"><br /></span></span></p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 13.0px Arial"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"> </span></span></span></p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 13.0px Arial"><span style="font: 13.0px Verdana; letter-spacing: 0.0px"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;">The cheesebally indictment that SF women think they're 9s is, at base, just a vague claim that a disportionately large percentage of SF women are opportunists;</span></span><i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"> </span></span></i></span><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;">that they are smart and calculating and intuitively understand a curious and fundamental aspect of epistemology and human relations: if you convince enough people to believe in something, that something becomes true. Nothing else matters.</span></span></span></p><p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 13.0px Arial"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"><br /></span></p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 13.0px Arial"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"> </span></span></span></p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 13.0px Arial"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;">In the context of the SF social scene such posturing sort of works but mostly it doesn't. It works more than it would in say Chicago, New York, Atlanta, or anywhere else with a less desperate male-female ratio (</span></span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;">"If there are a large number of desirable members of one's own sex available, one may regard one's own market value as lower," researchers reported in the </span></span><i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;">Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin</span></span></i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;">) </span></span><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;">but by wide account it is still a failed strategy. The only people who fall for it are the same blockheads who couldn't figure out </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><a href="http://www.time.com/time/specials/packages/article/0,28804,1909772_1909770_1909763,00.html"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;">Chris Gaines</span></a><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"> was Garth Brooks.***** </span></span></span></p><p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 13.0px Arial"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"><br /></span></p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 13.0px Arial"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"> </span></span></span></p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 13.0px Arial"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;">The underlying trouble is that an inordinate number of SF women aren't off the mark by much. They're in shape (Crunch Fitness!). They're higher educated (Go Bears!). They're technically stylish (layers!) and socially savvy (<i>He's Just Not That Into You</i>!) and mostly symmetrically featured (sample sale at Sephora!). A decade after getting laughed off the high school cheer-leading squad, they've overachieved their way into the vicinity of the Golden Circle.****** But they're still outside. They live in the halo. They Just Miss. </span></span></span></p><p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 13.0px Arial"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"><br /></span></p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 13.0px Arial"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"> </span></span></span></p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 13.0px Arial"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;">Just Missing******* is not right or wrong in any moral sense but it is impossibly awkward. The paradigmatic example is the guy who is handsome, clever, and well-built but, at the same time, 5 foot 7. Every grad school class or large corporate office has one of these dudes. He is secretly obsessed with his looks and all the cute girls platonically flirt with (but never date) him and even though he is vaguely cool and caddish he somehow doesn't seem to have any close friends and deep down you suspect he is miserable.</span></span></span></p><p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 13.0px Arial"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"><br /></span></p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 13.0px Arial"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"> </span></span></span></p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 13.0px Arial"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;">His curse is this: he's fractionally too short to be a Mark Whalberg man-on-campus and fractionally too tall to be a Dudley Moore diminutive wiseacre. He misses by one and a half inches in either direction. And worse, he lives out his days experiencing these brief, throw-away moments when, because everyone around happens to be seated or Asian or he's rollerblading, the world actually perceives and treats him as the unchallenged alpha. He'll spend three months getting used to being above-average ordinary, and then </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=W45DRy7M1no"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;">boom!</span></a><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"> this completely different, totally superior existence is thrown in his face for a moment or two before being ripped away. He'll never grow that one and half inches, and for this he's almost certainly doomed to the comparative obscurity of being pretty cool/athletic/handsome </span></span><i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;">for a short guy</span></span></i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;">, </span></span><span style="text-decoration: underline ; letter-spacing: 0.0px color:#000099;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><a href="http://www.economist.com/businessfinance/management/displaystory.cfm?story_id=14299211"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;">but</span></a></span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><a href="http://www.economist.com/businessfinance/management/displaystory.cfm?story_id=14299211"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"> he never feels 100% sure</span></a><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;">. There's </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Katherine_Harris"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;">no one</span></a><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"> in Palm Beach County to retally the votes and make an official pronouncement. So he can't let go and he can't get comfortable. He's </span></span><span style="text-decoration: underline ; letter-spacing: 0.0px color:#000099;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><a href="http://journal.sjdm.org/06136/jdm06136.htm"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;">consumed</span></a></span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"> by vain ambitions and </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Counterfactual_thinking"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;">counterfactual thinking</span></a><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;">. </span></span></span></p><p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 13.0px Arial"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"><br /></span></p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 13.0px Arial"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"> </span></span></span></p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 13.0px Arial"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;">There are other examples of course but the same emotional affect governs them all. Just Missers are prone to a special brand of cognitive dissonance, whereby they constantly try to re-engineer (just slightly) the prevailing value system in order to invalidate the relevance of the one or two immutable traits (5ft6half!/flat-chested!/didn't get into Kellog!) that are the true and only barriers between them and wild social success but simultaneously</span></span><i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"> </span></span></i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;">they sense such efforts are futile - they are self-conscious of their plight - so they never stop feeling insecure and frustrated which makes them act out (at least in some situations), which is confusing (and frankly a bit irritating) to everyone else, because Just Missers burn so many calories trying to convince others that they are blithe and "above it" like elite people are supposed to be. </span></span></span></p><p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 13.0px Arial"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"><br /></span></p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 13.0px Arial"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"> </span></span></span></p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 13.0px Arial"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;">Self-ware SF 7s, for example, will, in order to avoid environments in which they might be judged solely on their appearance, do things like promote day culture and frequent wine bars and wear layers and, in order to avoid direct comparison to more physically beautiful women, express a </span></span></span><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><a href="http://www.henglish.co.kr/English/Reading/Disney/Cinderella/Img/image007.jpg"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;">haughty animus</span></a><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"> towards the "Bridge and Tunnel" chicks or LA girls and anywhere either might show up, and these carefully and studiuosly cultivated attitudes will - for a time - make them feel like 8s or 9s but only so long as larger, more powerful leveling forces, such as a romantic relationship, Perez Hilton or a </span></span><span style="text-decoration: underline ; letter-spacing: 0.0px color:#000099;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TcBAmfRnqCk"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;">nervous</span></a></span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TcBAmfRnqCk"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"> guy</span></a><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"> on MUNI making a bold move, are squared off and kept at bay, and all of this together tends to make the SF 7s feel genuinely fabulous and superior and also genuinely </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><a href="http://www.cnn.com/2009/LIVING/personal/07/01/tf.narcissim.keeping.you.single/index.html"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;">bereft and alienated</span></a><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;">. It's a wierd dichotomy to be packaged together in one person, you can't decide if it's cool or pathetic, if they are the tormented Sisyphusean hero or the dumb kid who puts on a cape and jumps off the roof.</span></span></span></p><p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 13.0px Arial"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"><br /></span></p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 13.0px Arial"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"> </span></span></span></p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 13.0px Arial"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;">What does this mean for the future? Twenge and Campell </span></span><span style="text-decoration: underline ; letter-spacing: 0.0px color:#000099;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><a href="http://www.booktv.org/Watch/10487/The+Narcissism+Epidemic+Living+in+the+Age+of+Entitlement.aspx"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;">ultimately</span></a></span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"> concluded that the epidemic of narcissism was a very bad thing ********, but the more reasonable conclusion is, who the f*ck knows, and the same goes for the localized SF epidemic of Just Missers. Once a conventionally aberrational pathology like Narcissism or Just Missing becomes normalized, conventional consequences may cease to apply. If everybody's crazy, well, nobody's crazy and humanity, with a few muttered grumblings and the magic of </span><a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/In_vitro_fertilisation"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;">I</span></a></span><span style="text-decoration: underline ; letter-spacing: 0.0px color:#000099;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/In_vitro_fertilisation"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;">n</span></a></span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/In_vitro_fertilisation"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"> Vitro</span></a><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;">, will abide. </span></span></span></p><p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 13.0px Arial"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"><br /></span></p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 13.0px Arial"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"> </span></span></span></p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 13.0px Arial"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;">*The companion cliche of course is that SF men are pencil necked nerds. 5s and 6s at best. Everyone also agrees on that. But no one contends SF men are nerds who think they're underwear models. They may be chauvinists with a sense of entitlement, the thinking goes, but (for the most part) they aren't delusional.</span></span></span></p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 13.0px Arial; min-height: 15.0px"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px"></span><br /></span></span></p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 13.0px 0.0px; font: 13.0px Arial"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;">**Additional point of clarification: the 1-10 grading scale is the prevailing gold standard for assessing the attractiveness of individual persons while simultaneously being a jerk. It is accurate to the half decimal. The Gaussian function or bell curve of the measure would seem to defy application to a city-sized population of people (i.e., all large groups randomly (i.e., naturally) distributed should be "full of 5s") but due to complex sociological and economic factors (some of which this blog has attempted to research and explain) this is not the case. A city can indeed be disproportionately full of 6s. Like that situation with all the </span></span><span style="text-decoration: underline ; letter-spacing: 0.0px color:#000099;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><a href="http://www.opednews.com/articles/opedne_chris_ri_080510_the_great_depression.htm"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;">securitized</span></a></span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><a href="http://www.opednews.com/articles/opedne_chris_ri_080510_the_great_depression.htm"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"> mortgage debt</span></a><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;">, it is a case of humans failing to meet the expectations of mathematical models.</span></span></span></p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 13.0px 0.0px; font: 13.0px Arial"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"> ***Let's put aside for now the feasibility of knowing (from an arm-chair/bar-stool perspective and with inordinate precision) what is happening inside other people's brains. The feat seems more tricky that it probably is. If you've ever been to the Las Vegas strip on a Friday at 9 PM, for example, regardless of the season, you somehow know that 80% of the men who travel to Nevada are always exactly 93% mistaken that they will get laid that evening. </span></span></span></p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 13.0px Arial"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;">****It should be noted that although Twenge and Campbell emphasize that the recent rise in narcissism disproportionately affects females, their research also shows that men on the average (in no small part because of Floyd Meriweather and that cheese nug married to Heidi Montag </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><a href="http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/the-narcissism-epidemic/200906/the-normal-narcissism-reality-tv)"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;">remain</span></a><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"> the (slightly) more narcisstic gender. </span></span></span></p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 13.0px Arial; min-height: 15.0px"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px"></span><br /></span></span></p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 13.0px Arial"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;">*****As well as that disturbing demographic of humanity that is over-eager to suspend disbelief, including movies goers who enjoyed </span></span><i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;">Independence Day</span></span></i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"> and the guys who pick up trannies at the corner of Pine and Larkin.</span></span></span></p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 13.0px Arial; min-height: 15.0px"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px"></span><br /></span></span></p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 13.0px Arial"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;">******America loves the Da Vinci Code but the less publicized Golden Circle is far more relevant. </span></span></span><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><a href="http://www.alternet.org/story/93861/why_i_hate_beauty/?page=1"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;">Conventional wisdom</span></a><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"> and intuition dictates that the attractiveness of a person is relative to that of the person doing the assessment. But that's not the way desire actually works. This is (conceptually) absurd and why we laughed when George Constanza rejected a woman for being bald but it's also social fact. A girl is - objectively - either beautiful enough to be in the Golden Circle or she's not. If we use the 1-10 grading scale of aesthetics as a crude approximation, if you're an 8 or above you're in the Golden Circle (and curiously, everybody intuitively knows EXACTLY who this is) and further, once you're deemed to be in the Golden Circle, personality is (basically) all that matters. You can fight over who's technically more georgeous or whatever but that hair-splitting is basically irrelevant wrt personal relationships. That </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><a href="http://images.teamsugar.com/files/users/3/31869/35_2007/14238346_0.jpg"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;">next-door-cute Spanish chick</span></a><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"> married to Matt Damon may be less stunning than about a ten thousand models running around Hollywood but it doesn't matter since she (presumably) has more charisma.</span></span></span></p><p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 13.0px Arial"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"><br /></span></p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 13.0px Arial"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;">*******Seminal to the Just Miss Theory is a book titled </span></span><i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;">Americana</span></span></i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"> by Don Delillo (in the relevant part, a girl wants to know if the protagonist thinks she's pretty. He tells her, "I think you just miss"). Drew Barrymore, by being Drew Barrymore, is also an influence.</span></span></span></p><p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 13.0px Arial"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"><br /></span></p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 13.0px Arial"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;">********Specifically T &C claim narcissism is "corrosive" and "toxic" for society and their reasoning on this point is quite funny. According to Twenge, although it's commonly believed that overconfidence is socially advantageous </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><a href="http://www.newyorker.com/reporting/2009/07/27/090727fa_fact_gladwell"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;">the data</span></a><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"> indicates the opposite - that narcissism proper "tends to blow up in [narcissists'] face[s]" due to the underestimation of risks. Get enough of these people together the argument goes, and society falls apart. Relationships are sabotaged, surgeries botched, iPhones toyed with at 72 mph. It's suicide by incompetence. Relatedly or not, this brings to mind a </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><a href="http://www.newyorker.com/humor/2008/06/23/080623sh_shouts_saunders"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;">brilliant New Yorker humor piece</span></a><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"> in which the author conceives a TV show in which ordinary people everywhere begin to sense they have superhuman powers (e.g., flight, invisibility, etc.), the hook of the show being these people don't actually have superpowers (e.g., they fall off rooves, run the streets nude, etc.), and the twist being these people eventually start to lose their normal abilities ("a Japanese lady forgets how to speak Japanese, a Texas woman forgets how to chew").</span></span></span></p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 13.0px Tahoma; min-height: 16.0pxcolor:#444444;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px"></span><br /></span></span></p>Samuel Snodgrasshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11762535101951720683noreply@blogger.com20tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4276514135378866035.post-79789708541384166962009-12-05T10:09:00.000-08:002009-12-05T10:16:15.621-08:00#30 Airplanes<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjjGDnbHmou8Aa_nxJmiFc7P6siSgl4iNsm-SqBvWJhaVV6wjFg5Od2tCo09oT9ESZVW_o1PPyQ6lbVurmwYjCsW_K_d0k730l9HmVjxa1d8wpx1qKzirEmFMcfz8EM4XD3q0p5Yur4MA/s1600-h/airplane-fall-apart.jpg"><img style="float:right; margin:0 0 10px 10px;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 320px; height: 214px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjjGDnbHmou8Aa_nxJmiFc7P6siSgl4iNsm-SqBvWJhaVV6wjFg5Od2tCo09oT9ESZVW_o1PPyQ6lbVurmwYjCsW_K_d0k730l9HmVjxa1d8wpx1qKzirEmFMcfz8EM4XD3q0p5Yur4MA/s320/airplane-fall-apart.jpg" border="0" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5411817319079330530" /></a><br /><p style="margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; font: normal normal normal 13px/normal Tahoma; "><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"> According to </span></span><a href="http://econospeak.blogspot.com/2009/07/economist-on-modern-economic-theory.html"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;">modern and vaguely populist</span></span></a><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"> (at least in America) economic theory, no one should get </span></span><a href="http://docs.google.com/gview?a=v&q=cache:MbpU39VxWD0J:webuser.bus.umich.edu/srick/Challenge.pdf+modern+economic+theory+emotion&hl=en&gl=us&pid=bl&srcid=ADGEESguS0cLEkOPH_kbMsutHIBLXQ8d4974SNCWa9x-hBP-jj6ksDKzCC4MYpcKwe0h-ZIssn1vktCR1ujHMIwj0ex3MfvMFuqn4A-MHJD3Wux4_HrPjmAXJS7p4ptGGawoz9t8-DR1&sig=AFQjCNHof0WUtpaaEQA-WmrR1JhmLId-9Q"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;">emotional</span></span></a><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"> about anything. Rare (</span></span><a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Black_swan_theory"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;">but regular</span></span></a><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;">) market disturbances aside, like Texas-sized meteors or </span></span><a href="http://i220.photobucket.com/albums/dd256/AmerigoVespucci/1109_pauly_shore_beach_gf_00.jpg"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;">Pauly Shore</span></span></a><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;">, everything that happens in a free society is totally reasonable. Talents and hard work are recognized in due proportion. Resources shift in measured response to supply and demand. The universe makes sense. </span></span><a href="http://www.slate.com/id/2184503/"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;">It is what it is</span></span></a><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;">. Sit down and shut up. </span></span></p><p style="margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; font: normal normal normal 13px/normal Tahoma; "><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial, serif;"><br /></span></p> <p style="margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; font: normal normal normal 13px/normal Tahoma; "><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"> </span></span></span></p> <p style="margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; font: normal normal normal 13px/normal Tahoma; "><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;">The larger ontological philosophy here is that the fact of something (e.g., Life is nasty, brutish and short) is far more significant than the essence of something (e.g., Life is “beautiful”), because the former drives self-seeking behavior while the latter makes people discuss </span></span><a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Thomas_Pynchon"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;">Thomas Pynchon</span></span></a><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"> novels and surrender to Germans. The idea is, in other words, that abstract (as opposed to utilitarian) thinking about external pressures has almost no extrinsic value. Asking </span></span><a href="http://www.trueorigin.org/holocaust.asp"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;">what it means</span></span></a><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"> to be hunted by a Nazi, for example, while you're being chased by a Nazi, is an awful misuse of resources and frankly, a bit pretentious. Just run, a**hole.</span></span></span></p><p style="margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; font: normal normal normal 13px/normal Tahoma; "><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial, serif;"><br /></span></p> <p style="margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; font: normal normal normal 13px/normal Tahoma; "><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"> </span></span></span></p> <p style="margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; font: normal normal normal 13px/normal Tahoma; "><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;">Which brings us to airplanes. Airplanes like </span></span><span style="text-decoration: underline ; letter-spacing: 0.0px color:#000099;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color:#000000;"><a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-LkusicUL2s"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;">Louis</span></span></a></span></span><a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-LkusicUL2s"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"> CK</span></span></a><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"> says are amazing. In a concrete, sort of frightening way airplanes demonstrate godlike capacities to overcome normally applicable laws of nature. Sitting in a chair in a metal box hurtling through the air is psychologically staggering but visceral and tangible enough that we can figure out what is happening. Any six year old will find an iPhone or microwave useful but a 747 Jumbo Jet? That will blow his mind. </span></span></span></p><p style="margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; font: normal normal normal 13px/normal Tahoma; "><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial, serif;"><br /></span></p> <p style="margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; font: normal normal normal 13px/normal Tahoma; "><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"> </span></span></span></p> <p style="margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; font: normal normal normal 13px/normal Tahoma; "><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;">The freakiness of air travel has this less obvious effect: it forces us to think about conditions that are otherwise unconnected to our normal life. We board the metal box at SFO with a presumptively fixed model of reality and three hours later we're in the Houston airport confronted with events and people </span></span><a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ludic_fallacy"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;">invalidating that model</span></span></a><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;">. Halter tops! Tan legs! U of T co-eds! Holy sh*t! We stumble about wild-eyed and mumbling, pointing at comely lasses and square jawed lads, stupefied as to why everyone else is acting unfazed, like they're characters in some TV show like </span></span><span style="text-decoration: underline ; letter-spacing: 0.0px color:#000099;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color:#000000;"><a href="http://arrowquick.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/09/HouseCastSeason1.jpg"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;">House</span></span></a></span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"> or </span></span><a href="http://www.tvguide.com/tvshows/greys-anatomy/191535"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;">Grey's Anatomy</span></span></a><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"> and there's some code never to mention how statistically improbable it is that everyone around them is uncommonly attractive. Why aren't these people acting equally astonished? we wonder. If they went into a hospital and all the doctors in the immunology department were, say, 6 foot 11, wouldn't they obsess on it? "F*ck my cell counts," wouldn't they say, "I want to know about the hiring policy?" </span></span></span></p><p style="margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; font: normal normal normal 13px/normal Tahoma; "><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial, serif;"><br /></span></p> <p style="margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; font: normal normal normal 13px/normal Tahoma; "><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"> </span></span></span></p> <p style="margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; font: normal normal normal 13px/normal Tahoma; "><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;">On one level the shock SF travelers experience is sourced by the sudden awareness (or reminder) that in places other than San Francisco reality routinely includes physically appealing people. This discovery is confirmed over and over again during our travels and put in startlingly sharp and sort of comic relief the Thursday after we return when we're at the W Hotel in SOMA having a vodka soda and surveying the array of local aesthetic atrocities - weak chins, cankles, cross-ethnic facial lopsidedness - on unknowing display. </span></span></span></p><p style="margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; font: normal normal normal 13px/normal Tahoma; "><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial, serif;"><br /></span></p> <p style="margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; font: normal normal normal 13px/normal Tahoma; "><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"> </span></span></span></p> <p style="margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; font: normal normal normal 13px/normal Tahoma; "><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;">On another level, however, is something more existentially thorny. Airplanes create a </span></span><a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Demarcation_problem"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;">demarcation problem</span></span></a><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;">. Where precisely do we fix the boundaries of our dating pool?</span></span></span></p> <p style="margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; font: normal normal normal 13px/normal Tahoma; min-height: 16px; "><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px"></span><br /></span></span></p> <p style="margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; font: normal normal normal 13px/normal Tahoma; "><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;">Air travel, like many non-Nazi evasion situations, challenges our capacity to limit the scope of meaningful external pressures to those actually impinging upon us in the moment. It blurs the boundaries between what exists as an emotionally resonant concept and what exists in fact. If San Francisco realities mandate we date someone who is a 5.5 (on the imaginary universal scale of attractiveness) does it matter that we'd be dating a 7 if we hypothetically lived in Omaha? The answer is: well, maybe. </span></span></span></p> <p style="margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; font: normal normal normal 13px/normal Tahoma; min-height: 16px; "><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px"></span><br /></span></span></p> <p style="margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; font: normal normal normal 13px/normal Tahoma; "><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;">By far the most interesting thing about human connection is that it can transcend the typically contextually relevant stuff like geography and time and, you know, death. The idea of a person - their style, attitude, hips to waist ratio - tends to trump the comparatively more trivial fact of them actually being around. The man or woman who you are mostly deeply and forever in love with, for example, is probably someone you saw for ten seconds standing in line for a pretzel at Shea Stadium five years ago. </span></span></span></p><p style="margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; font: normal normal normal 13px/normal Tahoma; "><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial, serif;"><br /></span></p> <p style="margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; font: normal normal normal 13px/normal Tahoma; "><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"> </span></span></span></p> <p style="margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; font: normal normal normal 13px/normal Tahoma; "><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;">But it's insane to live your life thinking that way. It's emotional nonsense. If that person was truly a good and strategic match for you the laws of supply and demand would have ineluctably pushed her your way.</span></span></span></p><p style="margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; font: normal normal normal 13px/normal Tahoma; "><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial, serif;"><br /></span></p> <p style="margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; font: normal normal normal 13px/normal Tahoma; "><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"> </span></span></span></p> <p style="margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; font: normal normal normal 13px/normal Tahoma; "><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;">Except that's not true either. Realities however manifested (e.g., Nob Hill versus Nebraska) are both fixed and unfixed in the literal sense. There are unknowns. There are </span></span><a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Unknown_unknown"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;">unknown unknowns</span></span></a><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;">. Maybe our company will open an office in Omaha. Maybe we'll move there with the 5.5 we finally married. Maybe our new secretary will be a charismatic 7 who bleeds Mets blue. Maybe she'll be wearing a style of panties we've never heard of. The set of environmental facts we were supposed to care about and accept as unchangeable may stop mattering.</span></span></span></p><p style="margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; font: normal normal normal 13px/normal Tahoma; "><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial, serif;"><br /></span></p> <p style="margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; font: normal normal normal 13px/normal Tahoma; "><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"> </span></span></span></p> <p style="margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; font: normal normal normal 13px/normal Tahoma; "><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;">This may seem like a lot to extrapolate from commercial aeronautics. But we all sort of use this messy logic. A 7 is reluctant to settle for a 6 who thinks she is an 8 partly because he perceives that outcome as inequitable (by the same totally abstract, criteria-free, essentially </span></span><a href="http://www.avclub.com/articles/inventory-13-films-with-wildly-mismatched-romantic,1850/"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;">insane measure</span></span></a><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"> that sent humanity into a collective furor when that cheese ball gypsy </span></span><a href="http://www.askmen.com/daily/austin_150/167_fashion_style.html"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;">David Copperfield</span></span></a><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"> started hooking up with Claudia Shiffer) but also because he doesn't live on a homestead in the western expansion. In his world the Wright Brothers have happened. He knows his commitment won't survive the next business trip to Chicago.</span></span></span></p><p style="margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; font: normal normal normal 13px/normal Tahoma; "><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial, serif;"><br /></span></p> <p style="margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; font: normal normal normal 13px/normal Tahoma; "><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"> </span></span></span></p> <p style="margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; font: normal normal normal 13px/normal Tahoma; "><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;">It would be so much simpler if this wasn't the case. If it took 6 months to get to Reno, SF ladies would start looking real fine. On the downside the economy would be based on beaver pelts and gold nuggets. Half of us would end up shot or in county prisons. The less hirsute men would start looking real fine. Maybe the lesson is that life's confusing. It never is what it is. Especially when you want it to be. </span></span></span></p>Samuel Snodgrasshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11762535101951720683noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4276514135378866035.post-46348521958891342612009-11-09T21:50:00.000-08:002009-11-09T21:54:52.823-08:00#29 The NorCal - SoCal Rivalry<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjtm16ozCVAste318YClTXbQFovWE0jmdWPYMi7PYYgum9ptae1q87OtjfuNwp6zXjb-IX0O7_FdHhxQKESFSYw1pgsbibGB6ZuA2Pxe4NIGd0YRSw5LN9Fhyphenhyphenw0AlTFgde0HF_5aqMofQ/s1600-h/travel_a_05manwaring-Offerman_576.jpg"><img style="float:right; margin:0 0 10px 10px;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 320px; height: 180px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjtm16ozCVAste318YClTXbQFovWE0jmdWPYMi7PYYgum9ptae1q87OtjfuNwp6zXjb-IX0O7_FdHhxQKESFSYw1pgsbibGB6ZuA2Pxe4NIGd0YRSw5LN9Fhyphenhyphenw0AlTFgde0HF_5aqMofQ/s320/travel_a_05manwaring-Offerman_576.jpg" border="0" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5402348990715157442" /></a><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><br /></span><p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Helvetica"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">Nearly everyone has a high school experience that feels both very specific and totally stereotypical. This phenomenon screws with our ability to remember things straight: high school is lived as a series of senseless, sort of upsetting social screw-ups but retrospectively understood as an altogether ordinary and predictable initiation into grown-up values. You go through it feeling really alienated and trying to shake off and forget every stupid thing that happens but once you gain enough worldly perspective to see that your alienation made you not alone but totally normal then you start to see high school as </span></span><a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=y8qb9TRqZsM"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">cosmically significant</span></span></a><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">. You celebrate and fetishize the specialness of details that, at the time, were not important at all. </span></span></p><p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Helvetica; min-height: 14.0px"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial, serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><br /></span></span></p><p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Helvetica"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"> This progression would seem to make us more smart than dumb. Sane forty-somethings do not go around saying, “Remember that cross-town/cross-valley rival high school, those guys - its faculty, students, and mascot - f*ck them. They represent everything that was evil and wrong in the world.” Just the opposite. In hindsight the fervor and enmity that fed that rivalry, along with all the other rivalries (glee clubbers vs. cheerleaders, goth vs. punk, Emilio Estevez vs. Judd Nelson), seem vaguely amusing.<br /></span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"> </span></span></p><p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Helvetica"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial, serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><br /></span></span></p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Helvetica"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">You’d think that this simple but foundational precept of relativism would be extrapolated to other conflicts in life but it almost never is, probably because, logically, there’s no obvious stopping point. You beat up your brother but the neighborhood kid better not beat him up but the kid from a different neighborhood better not mess with your neighbor and so on it goes, </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><a href="http://www.yelp.com/topic/san-francisco-nor-cal-so-cal-rivalry"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">battling</span></a><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"> a team from another city to hating Arab-Americans to world wars and then alien wars and then, eventually, fighting shoulder to shoulder with </span></span><i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">our</span></span></i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"> aliens against a**hole aliens from a second cosmos. People piss us off into infinite regress.</span></span></span></p><p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Helvetica"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial, serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><br /></span></span></p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Helvetica"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"> </span></span></span></p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Helvetica"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">And this is why teenagers aren't entirely crazy. It's true that a high school rivalry - along with many other acts of cultural dissonance - is random and absurd but it’s only true </span></span><i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">after the fact</span></span></i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">. Hell is </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><a href="http://www.evil-soft.com/IMAGES/Hell%20Far%20Side%202.jpg"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">hilarious</span></a><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"> </span></span><i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">once it's over</span></span></i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">. Transcendent meaning in present tense reality, on the other hand, is always constructed out of arbitrary conflicts and polarization, since it has to be constructed out of something. </span></span></span></p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Helvetica"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"> </span></span></span></p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 13.0px Tahoma; color:#000099;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial, serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><br /></span></span></p><p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 13.0px Tahoma; color:#000099;"><span style="font: 12.0px Helvetica; letter-spacing: 0.0px color:#000000;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color:#000000;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">When reminiscing about high school, for example</span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">, </span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: rgb(0, 0, 0); font-family:Helvetica, serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><a href="http://www.forbes.com/2008/09/19/celebrity-geeks-gadgets-tech-personal-cx_ew_0919celeb.html"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">people love to claim</span></a><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"> “I was </span></span><i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">such a nerd</span></span></i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">” (as if no one </span></span><i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">now</span></span></i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"> could possibly imagine that being true) but such statements are wildly misleading. Retrospectively being called a nerd means you </span></span><i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">were smart</span></span></i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"> but being called a nerd during high school meant something different. It meant you</span></span><i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"> weren’t cool</span></span></i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">. It meant choosing the wrong side in a seminal conflict: teachers vs. the rebel youth. </span></span></span></span></span></p><p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 13.0px Tahoma; color:#000099;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial, serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><br /></span></span></p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Helvetica"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"> </span></span></span></p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Helvetica"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">Similarly, everyone sort of believes that romance is founded on two people </span></span><i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">liking</span></span></i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"> the same unique things, such as frisbee, </span></span><i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">Business Week</span></span></i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">, or Catholocism. But that’s just a trick of memory. It’s not, if you think about it what really connects you with someone at the time of the connection. What sparks romance is not discovering a particular but shared affinity for something unusual - like you both adore Death Cab for Cutie - it’s when you share a very particular hatred - like you both </span></span><i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">can't stand</span></span></i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"> Death Cab for Cutie. Or you hate bananas or southern France or Republicans or find fat people disgusting. That’s love. Two people against the universe.</span></span></span></p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 13.0px Verdana; min-height: 16.0px"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px"></span><br /></span></span></p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 13.0px Verdana"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><a href="http://www.yelp.com/topic/san-francisco-san-francisco-yelpers-do-you-hate-la-or-nyc-more-and-why"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">Rivalries</span></a><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"> by this measure have to happen. Northern California has to despise Southern California and vice versa, not so the Giants can win the pennant but so love has a chance. The conflict could theoretically be over almost anything - Bonds vs. Manny, weed vs. coke, hiking vs. surfing, youtube vs. Paramount) - people will adapt to the governing construct. They will build art and nuance out of the contrivance they've chosen to care about. They will find a way to come together. </span></span></span></p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 13.0px Verdana; min-height: 16.0px"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px"></span><br /></span></span></p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 13.0px Verdana"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">But here's the problem: Northern California has chosen to take a stand against a fundamental aspect of human attraction: physical beauty. We supposedly hate tans and big boobs and modelesque bone structure. We hate people who aspire to and care about such conditions. This is like taking the position of mass suicide over mass survival. Or puppies rather than babies. It's either self-destructive or a total lie and in this case both. </span></span></span></p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 13.0px Verdana; min-height: 16.0px"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px"></span><br /></span></span></p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 13.0px Verdana"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">Every person in San Francisco would LOVE to date a model even if they'd never admit it. And every person male or female would rather be casually mistaken for Salma Hayek than Steven Hawking. Every single </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><a href="http://www.yelp.com/topic/los-angeles-why-are-people-in-la-seem-so-much-happier"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">LA-hating</span></a><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"> person. No one wants to be loved for their mind. The primordial need of the human soul is utter devotion from someone who is totally superficial. </span></span></span></p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 13.0px Verdana"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"> </span></span></span></p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 13.0px Verdana"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial, serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><br /></span></span></p><p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 13.0px Verdana"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">Basing a community-wide propositional attitude on bullsh*t falsehood has this strange result: everyone in San Francisco is simultaneously offended by beauty and offended no one finds them beautiful. Even though the disdain of beauty makes sense internally (since it makes you feel superior) it's counter-productive externally (since it's an implicit insult to the company you keep). "I ain't here because of your looks," we're saying, "Wanna make out?" Every time someone picks up on you it's a slap in the face. It's like being selected to play the part of the homely fat girl in a Lifetime movie. "You're perfect!" the casting agent delights. </span></span></span></p><p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 13.0px Verdana"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial, serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><br /></span></span></p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 13.0px Verdana"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"> </span></span></span></p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 13.0px Verdana"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">And yet: the open and notorious defense of a self-defeating delusion is, curiously, sort of brave. We are saboteurs standing fast on a sinking ship. There may be no beauty in San Francisco and there may be no girls and to say to the world, “That's the way we like it” with a straight face, that's insanity and will surely be our risible ruin, but all of this, in some small way, is also spectacular. It makes us laughable loners but if </span></span><i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">Breakfast Club</span></span></i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">, </span></span><i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">Rushmore</span></span></i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"> and </span></span><i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">Napolean Dynamite</span></span></i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"> have taught us anything, it's that there's nothing profound about </span></span></span><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><a href="http://www.lyricsdepot.com/bruce-springsteen/glory-days.html"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">being popular</span></a><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">. Greatness is achieved only in the pathos of an asymmetrical face and extraordinary social failure. And maybe this in the end redeems us. Maybe we're wrong but that's why we're right.</span></span></span></p>Samuel Snodgrasshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11762535101951720683noreply@blogger.com13tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4276514135378866035.post-48875473499462775482009-10-30T18:34:00.000-07:002009-10-30T18:41:10.586-07:00#28 The Cultural Creep of Silicon Valley<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEivFKUYDCVPYz0cY8TqqzQpRGO9WH-iyGiZ2CONXsrcNAgYwCUCAk8S8Y3XoOH1ysPyfz70pkxvd_Q1zXbSTYMDhjCbhLuYG4xdKjdvwqmsS65r88w9vV0dSzhIMbiJGH6KVqJCrDfw7Q/s1600-h/GetAttachment.aspx.jpeg"><img style="float:right; margin:0 0 10px 10px;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 184px; height: 280px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEivFKUYDCVPYz0cY8TqqzQpRGO9WH-iyGiZ2CONXsrcNAgYwCUCAk8S8Y3XoOH1ysPyfz70pkxvd_Q1zXbSTYMDhjCbhLuYG4xdKjdvwqmsS65r88w9vV0dSzhIMbiJGH6KVqJCrDfw7Q/s320/GetAttachment.aspx.jpeg" border="0" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5398573065193929970" /></a><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><br /></span></span><p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 16.0px 0.0px; font: 13.0px Tahoma; color:#444444;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">Some revolutionary technologies, like the printing press, </span></span><a href="http://www.stuhrmuseum.org/research/BicycleCorp.htm"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">the bicycle</span></span></a><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">, and the George Foreman grill, do not carry </span></span><a href="http://uk.video.yahoo.com/watch/2348420"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">murderous undertones</span></span></a><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">. We assume there may be collateral costs - </span></span><a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=B1BdQcJ2ZYY"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">scriveners</span></span></a><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"> go on the dole, a kid scrapes his knee, Michael Scott burns his toe cooking bacon - but none involve rivers of blood or an inanimate object with </span></span><a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=B1BdQcJ2ZYY"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">a homicidal agenda</span></span></a><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">. </span></span></p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 16.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Helvetica; color:#444444;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">Our hunches here are pure intuition but they're also almost always correct since weirdly, some technologies, like </span></span><a href="http://www.whitehouse.gov/about/presidents/jimmycarter/"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">some humans</span></span></a><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">, aren't corruptible for purposes of evil, while others, like</span></span><a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ford_Pinto#Safety_problems_and_scandal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"> the Ford Pinto,</span></span></a><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"> </span></span><a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Lawn_darts#Banned_from_sale_in_the_U.S._and_Canada"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">lawn darts</span></span></a><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"> and Richard Nixon, are just waiting to turn on us. </span></span></span></p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 16.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Helvetica; color:#444444;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">For a long time we've been preoccupied with being attacked by </span></span><a href="http://www.junkscience.com/aug99/toaster.html"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">toasters</span></span></a><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">, robots, and television sets but Silicon Valley tech boom has provided a sleeker and more probable set of menaces. The advent and widespread use of the Internet, virtual realities and mobile devices has raised all manner of horrors the media won't shut up about: cyber stalking, identity theft, </span></span><a href="http://www.nytimes.com/2009/09/15/opinion/15tue3.html"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">texting at the wheel</span></span></a><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">, Nigerian princes, etc.) </span></span></span></p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 16.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Helvetica; color:#444444;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">The fact of our obsessive fear probably reflects the legitimacy of the threats but it's also why we don't really have to worry. Things that have obvious intrinsic value and obvious intrinsic evil, like the Patriot Act, Megan Fox or </span></span><a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NPBHtjZmSpw"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">the Second Amendment</span></span></a><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">, will never ultimately undo us because the drama between the good and the bad is too thrilling for society not to vigilantly monitor and control the dynamic. </span></span></span></p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 16.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Helvetica; color:#444444;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">What gets us in the end is the nonobvious </span></span><i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">extrinsic</span></span></i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"> evils. No one really gets eaten by a shark or shot or mutilated by an Internet predator; we get killed by eating too many Sourdough Jacks. </span></span></span></p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 16.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Helvetica; color:#444444;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">The extrinsic evils of Internet-related technologies - increasing physical separation, shallow communication, shortened attention spans - are, for the most part to most people, psychological nonfactors even though ultimately these are the things that 1) by glacial creep and </span></span><a href="http://www.theonion.com/content/news/job_became_completely_humiliating?utm_source=a-section"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">snowball effect</span></span></a><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"> (e.g., twitter shortens attention spans which spawns new technologies to service the ever enlarging market of people with short attention spans) totally reconstruct social behavior and 2) probably alienate us and make us feel unhappy. That is </span></span><a href="http://starwars.wikia.com/wiki/Thermal_exhaust_port"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">the point of exposure</span></span></a><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">: where the societal superstructure is changing without people noticing. The possibility of a serial killer trolling chat rooms freaks us out but the guy using technology to f*ck you over just a little bit in a novel way - he's the cultural creep.</span></span></span></p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 16.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Helvetica; color:#444444;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">According </span></span><a href="http://nsrc.sfsu.edu/article/look_whos_googling"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">to a study</span></span></a><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"> at the university of Texas, for example, there is a false degree of intimacy assumed by women who look for love on the Internet. The scientists found that the high frequency and intensity of email communication convinces women to alter their sexual boundaries.</span></span></span></p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 16.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Helvetica; color:#444444;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">Admittedly this is not a phenomenon isolated to San Francisco (according to </span></span><a href="http://www.articlesbase.com/dating-articles/thirty-percent-of-americans-have-used-online-dating-services-1103030.html"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">most recent estimates</span></span></a><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">, 30% of Americans have used online dating services) but 1) that doesn't mean it's not relevant to WTANGISF and 2) anecdotal evidence suggests that normal people doing things like match.com, craiglist hook-ups or Facebook romance is disproportionately high in the Bay Area, probably because this is where the technology behind it all was invented. </span></span></span></p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 16.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Helvetica; color:#444444;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">One of the great illusions of the Internet is the proposition that we can </span></span><i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">understand </span></span></i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">people more effectively through the fake world of Facebook or match.com than at a bar or a club, a belief which is totally wrong but easy to embrace since an inorganic simulacrum of reality 1) is less emotionally stressful 2) allows more separate occasions of contact (which in real life means something but in virtual reality meaning almost nothing) and 3) is incomplete enough to conceptualize as being better than it actually is. </span></span></span></p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 16.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Helvetica; color:#444444;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">This is how the cultural creep makes his move and why girls feel falsely intimate with him. He can text an ostensibly personal message to fifteen girls at once, go from married to single by a click of a radio button, and pick up girls at a bar and on match.com </span></span><i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">at the same time</span></span></i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">. The limiting factor for the size of a lothario's harem is almost never charm, it's time. It takes time to talk on the phone and actually be in a certain place at a certain time and to create different identities for different women. Modern technology is eroding such transaction costs.</span></span></span></p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 16.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Helvetica; color:#444444;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">Understand though that the already desperate position of 95% of SF guys is exacerbated by this. A special irony of online dating is that it far more superficial, salacious and sausage-festy than the standard bar environment. Match.com, for example, </span></span><a href="http://www.edatereview.com/blog/2005/08/malefemale-ratio-of-online-dating.aspx"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">reported</span></span></a><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"> a gender ratio of 60-40% in 2005 and if Match's subsequent silence on the issue and anecdotal evidence is any indication, the ratio now is much much worse. In addition, places like match.com are supposed to connect people based on </span></span><i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">individuality </span></span></i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">rather than random physical attraction: their hobbies, cultural tastes, etc. along with a nod or two towards a political persuasion or world view, all these being defining personal attributes and, at the same time, everybody who dates online finds out, qualities </span></span><i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">no one</span></span></i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"> cares about </span></span><i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">at all</span></span></i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">. </span></span></span></p><p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 16.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Helvetica; color:#444444;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><br />A worse and higher level problem is that the population of the online dating pool is almost unlimited, which seems like a good idea but is really </span></span><a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=O-7gpgXNWYI"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">an all-time backfire</span></span></a><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"> for men. Chuck Klosterman made </span></span><a href="http://www.esquire.com/features/ESQ0205AMER_P52"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">the insightful comment</span></span></a><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"> that pursuing women already in relationships is strategic because in order to win a single woman's affection you have to be more desirable than every other single guy around "but if you meet a woman who is dating some dude named Mitch ... you merely have to be more desirable than Mitch."</span></span></span></p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 16.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Helvetica; color:#444444;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">Klosterman here was simply pointing out a loophole in the evolutionary law that women are drawn to the alpha male, the loophole being that alpha maleness is a completely relative concept. Online dating is the logical opposite of Klosterman's tiny loophole. When pursuing a girl at a normal social venue, a bar for example, you have to be the most desirable guy who showed up </span></span><i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">at that bar at that hour</span></span></i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">, which, concededly, makes for inauspicious odds, but a site such as match.com is infinitely more competitive, since it lacks any real temporal or geographical parameters. You have to be the most desirable guy </span></span><i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">on the Internet</span></span></i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">. </span></span></span></p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 16.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Helvetica; color:#444444;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">That the cultural creep of Silicon Valley is bad for SF guys, however, doesn't necessarily mean it's bad in the absolute. Robots are evil only if you're not a robot. The question of the matter is less about morality than the nature of choice: are women's romantic preferences founded on out-of-date biological compulsions (that now make women see all men as creeps or losers) or on a deep-seated and unwavering instinct for finding fulfillment, specifically in the make-believe arms of an avatar who says he's not married? The answer, if you live in San Francisco, is yes.</span></span></span></p>Samuel Snodgrasshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11762535101951720683noreply@blogger.com8tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4276514135378866035.post-82453743744720982642009-10-25T21:43:00.000-07:002009-10-26T20:20:25.975-07:00#27 The Language of Silicon Valley<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhizpWUW55yIEt8TqsoxBcs2fGFYBtk7XP93knIep0i1LtJJ1H0_ztfViRmsrewbPIDNADdmSM2YsrcqYdD8AZGUlHf7PWKZsjLcdsG4-En5z4jkr0RSTDsSpbhTbIhOv301QHRbFbblw/s1600-h/conchords.jpg"><img style="float:right; margin:0 0 10px 10px;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 320px; height: 162px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhizpWUW55yIEt8TqsoxBcs2fGFYBtk7XP93knIep0i1LtJJ1H0_ztfViRmsrewbPIDNADdmSM2YsrcqYdD8AZGUlHf7PWKZsjLcdsG4-En5z4jkr0RSTDsSpbhTbIhOv301QHRbFbblw/s320/conchords.jpg" border="0" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5396766529818782546" /></a><br /><p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Helvetica; min-height: 14.0px"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: rgb(68, 68, 68); "><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;">Lily Tomlin said language exists to satisfy man’s deep need complain, and perhaps this blog is both the evidence and the aspiration. Of course the joke is funny only because it’s so far from being true. </span></span><a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Language_Instinct"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;">Language</span></span></a><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"> and this blog really exist, just like </span></span><a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ht9WEpdi5JY"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;">law, religion, economics, and ultimate fighting championships</span></span></a><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;">, to sort out who gets to hook up and hug it out with whom, a hypothetical to which the answer is always: </span></span><a href="http://celebedge.ca/Dramarama/ContentPostingDramarama3column?newsitemid=19e9dd7b-372b-4f4d-a304-c23cb1a2d7d9&feedname=RYAN_PORTER_GOSSIP&show=False&number=0&showbyline=False&subtitle=&detect=&abc=abc&date=False"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;">Jeremy Piven</span></span></a><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;">. </span></span></span></p><p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Helvetica; min-height: 14.0px"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color:#444444;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"><br /></span></span></span></p><p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Helvetica; min-height: 14.0px"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: rgb(68, 68, 68); "><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;">This is precisely why public speaking is universally </span></span><a href="http://www.smartcompany.com.au/information-technology/a-quarter-of-people-fear-public-speaking-more-than-dying-here-s-how-to-beat-your-fear.html"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;">man’s greatest fear</span></span></a><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;">. Fail at language in public, with everyone around to see, and it's sexual suicide, not just with respect to the girl who rejected your shamefully awkward Starbucks come-on but every girl who witnessed it and the hundreds probably thousands of girls who are instantly texted and twittered. You're f*cked. You just lost all your mojo and got on </span></span><a href="http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=schnide"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;">the schneid</span></span></a><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;">, at least for a while, at least until, say, you taunt someone smaller than you in public. </span></span></span></p><p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Helvetica; min-height: 14.0px"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial, serif;color:#444444;"><br /></span></p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Helvetica; color:#444444;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"> </span></span></span></p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 16.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Helvetica; color:#444444;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;">For women, of course, language skills are a little less paramount as pressures of sexual selection, since, if they’re clever about it, they can rely on diversionary tactics - rules of decorum, bitchiness, mini-skirts, etc. But if you’re a guy the issue sooner or later will get pressed directly. A teacher will call on you, the star football season will end, the waitress will finish pouring the other coffee. Wear all the sleeveless Ts you want, but eventually you’re going to need to </span></span><a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mFV7FnbhBRY"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;">say something</span></span></a><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;">.<br /><br />Single guys in weaker moments deny this. When the realities of </span></span><a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1cUNNKzj_Nc"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;">being short </span></span></a><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;">or fat seem particularly salient, like the Sunday morning after twelve Heinekens, all male tragedies get sourced to aesthetic and genetic shortcomings. They regress to the <http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zcfneidocak> preliterate period of middle school and early high school where misshapen body parts and dim dating prospects defined most everyone, and the former facts were the strongly correlated cause of the latter. When you're 15 construing the world through your insecurities makes sense, because your peers really and sincerely do hate you, on the level of your soul, due to your weak chin or spindly legs or whatever, but by the time you're an adult, after girls start meeting people who know about </http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zcfneidocak></span></span><a href="http://books.google.com/books?id=4jzEnlEE5l8C&pg=PA5&lpg=PA5&dq=chuck+klosterman+%22We+all+owe+our+lives+to+Woody+Allen%22&source=bl&ots=hdDg2o3F7w&sig=hGrw-DjMWvzCtcJMis0Gt1irpN4&hl=en&ei=2CmpSqH-CI2osgPwioSABQ&sa=X&oi=book_result&ct=result&resnum=1#v=onepage&q=&f=false"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;">Woody Allen films</span></span></a><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;">, attributing romantic failure to physical imperfection is less logical. It's kind of like thinking </span></span><a href="http://www.mb-soft.com/believe/txo/primitiv.htm"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;">the toast</span></span></a><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"> got burned because the milk’s expired. </span></span></span></p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 16.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Helvetica; color:#444444;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;">The inexorable fact is some guys have language gifts and some have biceps and out of cosmic fairness or as some sick metaphysical joke those groups seldom overlap. This is why guys team-up, both in hair-brained </span></span><a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HFIe995kJQc"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;">Roxanne-style</span></span></a><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"> schemes and on really advanced levels, as demonstrated by the Hollywood complex, where nebbish Harvard grads feed lines to thickheaded but handsome louts. To the extent such stratagems work it’s rarely with equal benefit. Some virigin in Culver City spends four months writing the first draft of </span></span><i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;">Fool’s Gold </span></span></i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;">and as a result, Matthew McCounghney blasts seven sorority girls on spring break in Cabo. </span></span></span></p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 16.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Helvetica; color:#444444;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"> But in San Francisco something even more complex has happened. Guys have forsaken the language common to society for a language common to guys who love building computers. This language is like English in a way, except for the part about humans being the communicating interface and </span></span><a href="http://www.reuters.com/article/oddlyEnoughNews/idUSTRE5085DE20090109"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;">sensing the emotions of others</span></span></a><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;">. </span></span></span></p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 16.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Helvetica; color:#444444;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;">Other guys who also specialized in this language have been recruited to relocate to the Bay Area and those guys have recruited others and so by now every poindexter and egghead loner who survives twelve to sixteen years of public school beat-downs gets a job in Santa Clara and a loft in SOMA. They wander about the Bay Area in a loose but huge confederation of pidgin-tongued social misfits.</span></span></span></p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 16.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Helvetica; color:#444444;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;">Now here's the problem: society hasn't figured out what to do with these guys. Geeks are geeks and women hate them but the economy loves them. </span></span><a href="http://www.wired.com/wired/archive/9.12/aspergers_pr.html"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;">Author Bryna Siegel </span></span></a><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;">says "In another historical time, these men would have become [presumably virginal] monks...suddenly they're making $150,000 a year with stock options." That's the oxymoron. Being an expert at a coding language is lucrative but it's also like being male gymnast, perhaps the only sport in the world that’s impressive but doesn’t impress women. Women construe it as minor form of autism. </span></span></span></p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 16.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Helvetica; color:#444444;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;">This problem spills-over into another: the economic value of the geeks is misleading to regular SF guys, who are long accustomed to thinking that the secret to professional and, by proxy, sexual success, as a politician, salesman, lawyer, reporter, rapper, or Michael J. Fox as a Kansas boy in Manhattan, is out-talking the people around you. With all the shifty-eyed geeks tooling around in </span></span><a href="http://www.spiegel.de/international/business/0,1518,637368,00.html"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;">Porsches</span></span></a><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"> the paradigm has shifted, sufficiently so that regular SF guys increasingly doubt the pay-off of charm and wit, which is grade A self-sabotage. It's like pursuing gridiron glory by emulating </span></span><a href="http://sports.espn.go.com/nfl/news/story?id=3733021"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;">Plaxico Burress</span></span></a><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;">' strip club moves.</span></span></span></p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 16.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Helvetica; color:#444444;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;">Language, according to </span></span><a href="http://serendip.brynmawr.edu/exchange/node/555"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;">academic Steven Pinker</span></span></a><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;">, is supposed to be common to all societies, and any given culture is approximately as skilled at it as any other. Without language, the thinking goes, no girls get talked into or out of anything, and without that, you have no naughtiness, no new generation and no surviving culture, just some harrowing </span></span><a href="http://www.helium.com/items/1545945-short-story-review-the-silent-towns-by-ray-bradbury"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;">Ray Bradbury </span></span></a><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;">single-gender dystopia, popularly known, of course, as the city of San Francisco, where </span></span><a href="http://www.theonion.com/content/infograph/apples_new_iphone"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;">the newest model iPhone</span></span></a><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"> is always ringing, but no girls are around to hear. </span></span></span></p>Samuel Snodgrasshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11762535101951720683noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4276514135378866035.post-16096940279030401032009-10-13T22:12:00.000-07:002009-10-20T18:32:18.975-07:00#26 The Employees of Silicon Valley<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgzPmj0VKkTeT5pCSXKSy9D_-LaO2x00o64Eo9c9dG_W1ZcIwfb7YDmOAFqvXhapqWGQg5c5aW5cKavCEun8LHOAeZdxVpIWqVcqeLRbKOBMHQrDOYqiLJ0A38QbP-wkDmbzTEtAmcvRw/s1600-h/nerds-1.jpg"><img id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5392326396292160674" style="FLOAT: right; MARGIN: 0px 0px 10px 10px; WIDTH: 312px; CURSOR: hand; HEIGHT: 320px" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgzPmj0VKkTeT5pCSXKSy9D_-LaO2x00o64Eo9c9dG_W1ZcIwfb7YDmOAFqvXhapqWGQg5c5aW5cKavCEun8LHOAeZdxVpIWqVcqeLRbKOBMHQrDOYqiLJ0A38QbP-wkDmbzTEtAmcvRw/s320/nerds-1.jpg" border="0" /></a><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"><br /></span><p style="MARGIN: 0px 0px 17px; FONT: 13px Tahomacolor:#444444;" ><span style="LETTER-SPACING: 0px"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;">In mainstream movies, as often as not, the technical genius, the brainiac who saves/redeems humanity by calculating an impossibly complex set of mathematical/programming proofs/codes, is </span></span><a href="http://www.imdb.com/media/rm1340578048/tt0244244"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;">Hugh Jackman</span></span></a><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;">, </span></span><a href="http://www.imdb.com/media/rm4294547712/tt0268978"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;">Russell Crowe</span></span></a><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"> or </span></span><a href="http://www.imdb.com/media/rm2753533184/tt0089886"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;">Val Kilmer</span></span></a><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;">. God knows why movie goers accept this conceit since in real life techies are about as glamorous as a kid brother with a club foot. Even that annoying hipsterish guy from Mac commercials is a rosy delusion. In real life the tech genius is </span></span><a href="http://www.imdb.com/media/rm3007682816/nm0316079"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;">Paul Giamatti</span></span></a><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;">, but more depressed. </span></span></span></p><p style="MARGIN: 0px 0px 16px; FONT: 12px Helveticacolor:#444444;" ><span style="LETTER-SPACING: 0px"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;">And yet: </span></span><a href="http://www.yelp.ca/loves/nerds"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;">movie goers</span></span></a><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"> </span></span><i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;">like</span></span></i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"> Paul Giamatti. He’s </span></span><a href="http://freakonomics.blogs.nytimes.com/"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;">smart</span></span></a><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;">. He’s </span></span><a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jLkdSDAw1gU"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;">funny</span></span></a><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;">. He’d be a winning dinner or road-trip companion. Sure he’s dyspeptic, incorrigibly introverted and self-loathing but he’s real. He’s true. He’s </span></span><i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;">interesting</span></span></i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;">. He’s </span></span><i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;">us</span></span></i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;">. Maybe we’re not AS geeky as Paul Giamatti we all have an inner geek that can relate to him. No one sees the Wolverine or </span></span><a href="http://www.metacafe.com/watch/1723468/the_doors_movie_trailer/"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;">Jim Morriso</span></span></a><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;">n on screen and thinks “That’s me!” but we </span></span><a href="http://thinkexist.com/quotation/charlie_brown_is_the_one_person_i_identify_with-c/201844.html"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;">all sort of feel</span></span></a><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;">, on some level, like </span></span><a href="http://www.imdb.com/media/rm3877344512/tt0375063"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;">the unwanted</span></span></a><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;">, unconfident wine-geek doofus who can’t get laid to save his life in </span></span><i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;">Sideways</span></span></i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;">. </span></span></span></p><p style="MARGIN: 0px 0px 16px; FONT: 12px Helveticacolor:#444444;" ><span style="LETTER-SPACING: 0px"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;">In San Francisco, of course, </span></span><a href="http://news.cnet.com/8301-10784_3-9845960-7.html"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;">it’s not a metaphor</span></span></a><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;">. We literally ARE that guy. We work at Google, HP, Facebook, Genetech and so on. We’re engineers, patent attorneys, CTOs, lab technicians and quality control officers. We grew up on a diet of online war games, academic decathlons, socially mandated celibacy and noogies. Our </span></span><a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Tfpha8wszjw"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;">geekness</span></span></a><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"> is not some secret, inner sense of self-regard but </span></span><a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Rumor"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;">prevailing public opinion </span></span></a><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;">- which is pretty much all that counts.</span></span></span></p><p style="MARGIN: 0px 0px 16px; FONT: 12px Helveticacolor:#444444;" ><span style="LETTER-SPACING: 0px"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;">Whether this fact should be celebrated or bemoaned has traditionally depended on </span></span><i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;">ideology</span></span></i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;">: either you thought that human advancement was about intelligence and thus geeks were good or you thought it was about being cool (i.e., socially influential) and geeks were scourge. It was just assumed that girls, along with </span></span><a href="http://www.metacafe.com/watch/1512955/did_you_know_adam_sandler_is_a_republican_that_sucks/"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;">Republicans</span></span></a><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;">, third grade bullies, people from L.A. and basically anybody psychologists considered half-way normal, were blood-sworn believers in the latter. </span></span></span></p><p style="MARGIN: 0px 0px 16px; FONT: 12px Helveticacolor:#444444;" ><span style="LETTER-SPACING: 0px"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;">But by now - post youtube and twitter and the rest - the ideological debate isn't really relevant, because now the geek drives a better car than you do. As social developments go, this is total revolution, this is like the lowliest cave-man discovering fire, and everyone sort of acknowledges it by reading fluff pieces on "geek chic" and watching Judd Apatow films but, at the same time, no one believes it matters. The basic propositional attitude that the geek is a social liability has not changed </span></span><i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;">at all</span></span></i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;">. People just take it for granted that there’s a billion geeks in the SF Bay Area and that girls hate geeks and that’s just </span></span><a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MJpyskHMwRs"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;">the way it is</span></span></a><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;">. </span></span></span></p><p style="MARGIN: 0px 0px 17px; FONT: 13px Tahomacolor:#444444;" ><span style="LETTER-SPACING: 0px"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;">This, </span></span></span><span style="LETTER-SPACING: 0px"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;">given </span></span><a href="http://www.articlegold.com/Article/The-Universal-Theme-of-Love--Men-Want-Sex--Women-Want-Money/5220"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;">conventional wisdom</span></span></a><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"> and a mountain of cross-cultural statistical evidence, seems pretty f*cking improbable. People vaguely suppose that somehow female superficiality explains it. The idea is that girls either begrudge geeks for being a) too intellectual or b) too ugly. The former is a male anxiety derived from high school but that was never actually ever true and the latter is a canard aggressively promoted by soap operas, Seventeen and Cosmopolitan and falsified by the lifestyles of Mick Jagger, Donald Trump, and every man alive in the UAE. </span></span></span></p><p style="MARGIN: 0px 0px 17px; FONT: 13px Tahomacolor:#444444;" ><span style="LETTER-SPACING: 0px"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;">What everyone knows at least subconsciously but is probably too guilty to point out is that while there is no valid ideological or a superficial reason to reject the geek, </span></span><a href="http://thinkexist.com/quotation/once_you_eliminate_the_impossible-whatever/220272.html"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;">there is still a reasonable one</span></span></a><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;">: the geek's personality. </span></span></span></p><p style="MARGIN: 0px 0px 17px; FONT: 13px Tahoma"><span style="LETTER-SPACING: 0px"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;">The geek's big secret is that at his core, behind the awkwardness and Return of the Jedi underpants, is a whole lot of repressed negativity. Day to day reality hates on him and he hates on it.</span></span></span></p><p style="MARGIN: 0px 0px 16px; FONT: 12px Helvetica"><span style="LETTER-SPACING: 0px"><a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=h4b2QNnVrY0&feature=related"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color:#000000;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;">He hates</span></span></span></a><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"> the bullies and the insults and the atomic wedgies and he hates his peers’ </span></span><a href="http://www.nbc.com/Saturday_Night_Live/video/clips/george-f-wills-sports-machine/2734/"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color:#000000;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;">lack of imagination</span></span></span></a><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;">, the pabulum that </span></span><a href="http://snltranscripts.jt.org/91/91grichmeister.phtml"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color:#000000;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;">comprises most people’s brains</span></span></span></a><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;">, the </span></span><a href="http://www.guardian.co.uk/books/2008/sep/20/fiction"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color:#000000;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;">hackneyed behavior </span></span></span></a><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;">and the inane status mongering, and the idiots in high school who thought it was cool to shotgun Coors at the rope swing on Fridays or lunch at Taco Bell and then carry their Taco Bell soda canisters to Spanish class as undeniable emblems of their superiority.</span></span></span></p><p style="MARGIN: 0px 0px 16px; FONT: 12px Helvetica"><span style="LETTER-SPACING: 0px"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;">Supposedly. We guess.</span></span></span></p><p style="MARGIN: 0px 0px 16px; FONT: 12px Helveticacolor:#444444;" ><span style="LETTER-SPACING: 0px"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;">So the geek makes the most rational move available to a higher minded human. He gets out. He withdraws to </span></span><a href="http://www.theonion.com/content/node/28026"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;">a wholly fantastically universe</span></span></a><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;">, a make-believe existence constructed not with money or power or sex or cats or any of the other bullsh*t things that usually attract female attention but instead with Proust novels or Mac OS code or the periodic table or off-shoots of George Lucas’ imagination. That’s the definition of the geek: someone who finds his </span></span><a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=q3hn6fFTxeo"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;">happiness</span></span></a><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"> in a place where real people don't exist. </span></span></span></p><p style="MARGIN: 0px 0px 16px; FONT: 12px Helveticacolor:#444444;" ><span style="LETTER-SPACING: 0px"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;">The irony here, and why geek abuse makes us feel so conflicted, is that the facts that make the geek </span></span><a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=e4qtvMfhsCI"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;">pathetic</span></span></a><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"> also make him heroic. He’s unhappy and bullied but he persists. He fights the long hard fight. He is scarred but not vanquished and this makes him profoundly human or at least human in the most interesting way, not just because he is the underdog but because the scars of humanity are far more compelling than its </span></span><a href="http://www.heidiklumfans.com/"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;">unblemished forms</span></span></a><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;">, which is why the Oscar never goes to </span></span><i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;">The Mexican</span></span></i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"> or </span></span><i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;">Point Break</span></span></i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"> but instead to films about brilliant but geeky </span></span><a href="http://www.zuguide.com/index.php#Life-is-Beautiful"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;">Jews</span></span></a><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"> or </span></span><a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=unu-9vM9VZw"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;">gays</span></span></a><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"> being killed. </span></span></span></p><p style="MARGIN: 0px 0px 16px; FONT: 12px Helveticacolor:#444444;" ><span style="LETTER-SPACING: 0px"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;">But life involves a lot more than the pursuit of extraordinary meaning and knowledge, or, for that matter, the inexorable tragedy of that pursuit. In fact life, and the relationships that comprise it, even the ones we really, really care about, are mostly made up of totally uninspired, unexceptional and benign routine. And that’s the way we like it. We like our quotidian latte at Starbucks and casual, effortless break-room chatter and impromptu jaunts to the lake for summer skinny-dipping. If you’re whole life, or at least a major chunk of it, was a movie, you’d rather be </span></span><a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=T1str-3iRSw"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;">slapsticking</span></span></a><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"> about the Hamptons with a grinning </span></span><a href="http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0000530/"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;">Andrew McCarthy</span></span></a><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"> than </span></span><a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=itR0-I9idXk"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;">wasting away</span></span></a><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"> in a concentration camp with a starving concert pianist. Everyone </span></span><a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ajFycGg4Mz8"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;">feels that way</span></span></a><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;">, including girls, except for </span></span><a href="http://www.theinsider.com/news/2168198_Ashley_Olsen_Wants_to_be_Taken_Seriously"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;">Ashley Olsen</span></span></a><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;">, who is very serious</span></span></span><span style="FONT: 13px Tahoma; LETTER-SPACING: 0px"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;">.</span></span></span></p><p style="MARGIN: 0px; FONT: 13px Times New Romancolor:#444444;" ><span style="LETTER-SPACING: 0px"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;">The fact the geek is both content is his alternative universe and intriguing in a situationally specific way in this one, doesn’t, on a relationship level, matter much. And the fact that SF guys are often reformed geeks, or at least self-identified reformed geeks, attempting to morph into normal members of society, capable of playing by conventional rules of hierarchy with new found money or occupational prestige, doesn't go much further. It helps but like a fine Italian suit on a two-headed circus freak. In the most routine and intimate of human things, such as pillow talk, shared silence and extra-marital nooners, the geek forever feels like he did when he was 15 and being shoved up against a locker: angry and bored and (</span></span><a href="http://www.goodreads.com/quotes/show/50296"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;">as Rilke says</span></span></a><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"> to us (when we’re in the mood for deep, deep, really special wistfulness (like maybe just after we’ve seen </span></span><i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;">Lost in Translation</span></span></i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;">)), unutterably alone.</span></span></span><span style="FONT: 12px Helvetica"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"> </span></span></span></p><p style="MIN-HEIGHT: 14px; MARGIN: 0px; FONT: 12px Helvetica"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"><span style="LETTER-SPACING: 0px"></span><br /></span></span></p><p style="MARGIN: 0px; FONT: 13px Tahomacolor:#444444;" ><span style="LETTER-SPACING: 0px"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;">It's a wierd, unforgiving thing to say someone is beneath us romantically. </span></span></span><span style="FONT: 16px Times New Roman; LETTER-SPACING: 0px"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;">We do it all the time but it's still weird and mean and </span></span></span><span style="LETTER-SPACING: 0px"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;">based on almost nothing, just a vague psycho-societal composite of the sexual ideal that is highly situational (even though we act as if it's not) and probably in the end makes us feel more heartbroken than loved. </span></span></span></p><p style="MARGIN: 0px; FONT: 12px Helveticacolor:#444444;" ><span style="LETTER-SPACING: 0px"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"><br />But the geek actually IS beneath us romantically. He's intriquing, so people want to see him on display for amusement, and he's symbolic, so people want to know he exists for the same reasons they want polar bears to exist, but in the day to day trenches of every day existence he's unbelievably annoying, so people don't want him for </span></span><i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;">him</span></span></i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;">. And somehow his new-found wealth and influence makes his core personality that much more insufferable. And though this in some small way legitimizes our </span></span><a href="http://www.criminal-law-lawyer-source.com/terms/discrimination.html"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;">discrimination</span></span></a><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"> and exculpates us morally, it also makes San Francisco the loneliest place in the world to wear Return of the Jedi underpants.</span></span></span></p>Samuel Snodgrasshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11762535101951720683noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4276514135378866035.post-89072878615044415312009-10-01T08:51:00.000-07:002009-10-01T09:02:47.717-07:00#25 SF Guy-Girls vs. The Florida Female<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgW1ddzHUlzRN6GgyhztEfEhYl1NzS3H6NZ9Bk9dPDanuOCRiWepXEeMWqAOduTITOvMJggS2jfAaqZ8vjl7lLud2HIp9CXXKMYpZoZTj0icYehfEeVEmt1jMLbO4U99I0R7F007f2YIQ/s1600-h/florida_cartoon_map_postcard-p239557671851311833qibm_400.jpg"><img style="float:right; margin:0 0 10px 10px;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 320px; height: 320px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgW1ddzHUlzRN6GgyhztEfEhYl1NzS3H6NZ9Bk9dPDanuOCRiWepXEeMWqAOduTITOvMJggS2jfAaqZ8vjl7lLud2HIp9CXXKMYpZoZTj0icYehfEeVEmt1jMLbO4U99I0R7F007f2YIQ/s320/florida_cartoon_map_postcard-p239557671851311833qibm_400.jpg" border="0" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5387661667465273314" /></a><p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Helvetica"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"><br /></span></span></p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Helvetica"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px"><a href="http://whytherearenogirls.blogspot.com/2009/09/wtangisf-solution-series-part-1.html"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;">European girl</span></span></a><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;">s can be slutty, because they’re verbal, confident and culturally complex, but American girls can’t, because they’re from Florida. </span></span></span></p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Helvetica; min-height: 14.0px"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"><b></b></span></span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"><br /></span></span></p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Helvetica"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;">Something happened to America sometime between the advent of air conditioning and the day Kim Kardashian got popular. Florida went from the least to the second most populated Southern state and it went from white cracker, feral hoggy swamp-land to </span></span><a href="http://www.associatedcontent.com/article/682433/hooters_of_clearwater_florida_the_original.html?cat=3"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;">corporate sponsored titty show</span></span></a><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;">. And while this was taking place, somehow, without really even trying, Florida imperialized, </span></span><a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MqPDVmyxgzE"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;">smash and grab style</span></span></a><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;">, the definition of what it meant to be </span></span><a href="http://www.theweeklyvice.com/2009/02/florida-strip-club-dancers-jailed-on.html"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;">an attractive female</span></span></a><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"> in America. </span></span></span></p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Helvetica; min-height: 14.0px"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"><b></b></span></span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"><br /></span></span></p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Helvetica"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;">The rest of the country </span></span><a href="http://www.nytimes.com/2004/06/03/arts/television/03WATC.html"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;">has not received this kindly</span></span></a><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;">. The rest of this country </span></span><a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wugmipPvTFE"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;">does not like Florida</span></span></a><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;">, at least not what Florida </span></span><i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;">stands for</span></span></i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"> even if we do not precisely know what we mean by that. There is an amorphous but widely popularized sentiment that all the fake boobs and fake tans and spring break style hedonism </span></span><a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=U0y5SYPulgM"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;">violates</span></span></a><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;">, in some vague way, our dignity, our sense of the home-spun, hard-working, humble life. Florida seems to embrace without reservation </span></span><a href="http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=florida%20or%20germany"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;">the most basal aspects</span></span></a><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"> of the human condition. Florida seems to self-consciously celebrate trashiness. </span></span></span></p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Helvetica; min-height: 14.0px"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px"></span><br /></span></span></p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Helvetica"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;">At the same time everyone knows </span></span><a href="http://www.thesuperficial.com/"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;">Florida has won</span></span></a><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;">. Florida has achieved the final expression of egalitarian democracy, where people are judged entirely upon the merits they were born with or </span></span><a href="http://www.nydailynews.com/gossip/2009/08/13/2009-08-13_heidi_montag_shopped_for_body_parts_in_playboy_but_wants_to_go_bigger_on_my_boob.html"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;">paid for</span></span></a><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"> with a summer maître d'ing at PF Changs; it is </span></span><a href="http://wwww.globalgrind.com/source/finalcall.com/30971/the-rise-of-slut-culture/"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;">pure free enterprise</span></span></a><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;">, </span></span></span><span style="font: 12.0px Arial; letter-spacing: 0.0px"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;">designed to appeal to a society which buys images and emotions before character and language, which is every society that ever existed. </span></span></span></p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Arial; min-height: 14.0px"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px"></span><br /></span></span></p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Arial"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;">Superficiality, according to Florida philosophy, is </span></span></span><span style="font: 12.0px Helvetica; letter-spacing: 0.0px"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;">only bad if you’re ugly, which is totally unfair and presumptively ad hominem, the kind of theory that is born from a playground maturity level but that, like the chorus of Mim’s “This Is Why I’m Hot” (because you’re fly?), defeats logic and sense every single time. Deep down we all f*cking know that </span></span></span><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;">as brainy and complex as we aspire to be, in the end, even if the depth and breadth of our intellect is so extraordinary as to inspire a fatwa demanding our death, even if we ascend to be Salman Rushdie, arguably one of the greatest intellectuals of the modern era, once we achieve this, we’ll be chasing the skirt of </span></span><a href="http://www.dailymail.co.uk/tvshowbiz/article-1139784/Salman-Rushdie-steps-statuesque-actress-half-age.html"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;">some leggy tart </span></span></a><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;">half our age. </span></span></span></p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Arial; min-height: 14.0px"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px"></span><br /></span></span></p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Arial"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;">Publicly, at interviews, coffee shops, castle dinners </span></span><a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Jni2jJDhtO0&feature=related"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;">in Elsinore</span></span></a><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;">, etc. we may be mannered, noble, even snobby, but when we don’t have to pretend anymore, when we’re in our sacred, private, most vulnerable place, when no one’s watching and all contrivances are dropped - when we’re </span></span><a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=392I_cnVbBI"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;">in the bathroom</span></span></a><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"> - we’re nose deep in US Weekly. We’re not thinking on the possibilities that inhere in the human condition; we’re thinking, “Kelly Clarkson is kind of fat.” </span></span></span></p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Helvetica; min-height: 14.0px"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px"></span><br /></span></span></p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Helvetica"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;">Florida’s confirmed position is that girls take all the stuff they normally do in the bathroom - judge others, judge themselves, give illicit BJs, scream at their boyfriends, scream at the mirror, cry hysterically - and take it to the town square. Let boobs, Brazilian waxes, Jägermeister vomit, and </span></span><a href="http://search.barnesandnoble.com/Hook-Up-Handbook/Andrea-Lavinthal/e/9780689876462"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;">orgasms</span></span></a><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"> be a girl’s personality center piece. That’s </span></span><a href="http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=That's%20hot"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;">hot</span></span></a><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;">.</span></span></span></p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Helvetica; min-height: 14.0px"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px"></span><br /></span></span></p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 8.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Helvetica"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;">By contrast San Franicsco’s confirmed position is that we are a proud, equal society where men and women are taken seriously. In the divergence of the two philosophies lies the rub: if a theoretical SF girl seeks to flash a little feminine allure, it doesn’t make her a cretin, not actually, not by some </span></span><a href="http://books.google.com/books?id=X1hkTzw41PoC&pg=PA46&lpg=PA46&dq=dworkin+ideal+judge&source=bl&ots=o3l85uJ0OS&sig=8xiG0wsWXmBBbxj9rj5e90Ezb7k&hl=en&ei=-8KFSrmUK4Sy-Aafy4m7CQ&sa=X&oi=book_result&ct=result&resnum=1#v=onepage&q=dworkin%20ideal%20judge&f=false"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;">imaginary universal or absolute measure</span></span></a><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;">, but it does create a problem of perception. It can be confusing. The reigning American aesthetic gestalt that Florida has generated puts parameters on how visual statements can be interpreted. It’s not that no American girls can be simultaneously sexually provocative, witty and self-aware but that vast majority aren’t - the vast majority are vacuous, self-centered narcissists, at least as far as we can determine from </span></span><i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;">The Hills</span></span></i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;">, </span></span><i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;">The Simple LIfe</span></span></i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"> and the ex-governor of Alaska. </span></span></span></p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 8.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Helvetica"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;">And since the denizens of San Francisco are as susceptible to stereotype as anyone else that means that when that theoretical SF girl dons on a tight top and a short skirt suddenly people are calling her Donut Hole or Blow Job Brenda. They start saying she lives in a basement with a coke dealer and </span></span><a href="http://www.theonion.com/content/node/33091"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;">offering her roles in reality TV shows</span></span></a><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;">.</span></span></span></p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 8.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Arial"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;">Hence, SF females (a scattering of honeys from Serbia and Turkey aside) don’t aim for sexy in their dress or carriage. They aim for anti-Florida. They are reserved, borderline haughty in demeanor and fashion themselves in one of three looks: the always vogue “I run Iron-Mans” guy-girl look, the </span></span><a href="http://nycblog.citysearch.com/fashion/images/nylonstreetbookgiftguide.jpg"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;">cluttered Hipster</span></span></a><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;">, or the famous and very popular </span></span><a href="http://www.inetours.com/Pages/SFNbrhds/Marina.html"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;">“SF black”</span></span></a><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;">, where you cover up every square inch of your body but are still fabulous because the fabric is black and black is daring and sexy, right? Not right. Boobs are sexy. Legs are sexy. Black is just a color. Black is what Batman wears so he can be stealthy. When Bruce Wayne wants to impress the ladies he </span></span><a href="http://movies.yahoo.com/movie/1808490910/photo/573954"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;">wears a tank top</span></span></a><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;">.</span></span></span></p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 8.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Helvetica"><span style="font: 12.0px Arial; letter-spacing: 0.0px"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;">But such are the effects of culture</span></span></span><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;">: they work us on the sly.</span></span></span><span style="font: 12.0px Arial; letter-spacing: 0.0px"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"> Imperceptibly, incrementally, like frogs in a pot of heating water, our brains get boiled. W</span></span></span><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;">e truckle to illogical but popular tastes, like triathlons, pegged pants and claims that </span></span><a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zrzMhU_4m-g"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;">witches float in ducking-stools</span></span></a><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;">. And so it happens that Kim Kardashian is soulless and horrible for humanity yet somewhere deep down inside we now believe that degenerate b*tch is sexy. We sort of think that’s what our girlfriend is supposed to be like. And SF women resist this, which is both eminently reasonable and totally unalluring and most importantly, one more reason there are no girls in San Francisco.</span></span></span></p>Samuel Snodgrasshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11762535101951720683noreply@blogger.com10tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4276514135378866035.post-62201106109304691992009-09-25T08:39:00.000-07:002009-09-25T12:25:36.828-07:00The WTANGISF Solution Series (Part 1)<span style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial, Trebuchet, Verdana, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"><div><br /></div>While WTANGISF’s editors love to hear from its readers they have noticed here and there (in the comments to Sam’s posts) a sense of defeat. Hence, in the spirit of comradeship and positive thinking henceforth the editors will on occasion post (admittedly imperfect) solutions to the serial of problems identified by Sam. Such postings are really intended to be a forum for WTANGISF's readers to provide (through the comments section) any insights or topical/event-related suggestions that go to improving the SF singles scene. (Although the editors advise readers to be careful about providing ideas that by virtue of the conveyance of the idea ruins the idea (e.g., identifying specific bars that have a male friendly gender ratio).<br /><br />With that in mind check below to find some suggestions, starting with WTANGISF's Editors Solution #1, </span><span style="FONT-STYLE: italic"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;">Foreign Girls</span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;">:<br /><br />A lesser known fact of the San Francisco scene is that there is a relatively large population of foreign girls (Eastern Europe, Russia, Turkey and Brazil are anecdotal stand-outs) and almost all of them are single and almost none have the stereotypical characteristics associated with SF women. These girls are fashionable, educated, uncommonly attractive, and - this is the crucial part - much, much, much more open to approach. In addition, as a kind of cool kick, foreign girls will often specifically comment - unsolicited - that SF American women have a curiously high opinion of themselves. This is an openly prejudicial belief that is not necessarily true but it nonetheless makes them, despite language and cultural barriers, </span><span style="FONT-STYLE: italic"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;">relatable</span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;">.<br /><br />There’s a irony here to the willingness with which foreign girls will listen to your rap - since these women, especially those from the former Eastern Bloc, tend to be somewhat conservative in other regards. Foreign girls will give you a chance out of the gate but ultimately it’s tough to win them over, which feels, at least to WTANGISF’s editors, exactly how it’s supposed to be.<br /><br />This demographic though passes under the radar unless you're a seasoned veteran. Thus, try to find someone who can get you into French Tuesdays, listen for accents and look for thin women in (sometimes bold) dresses when you’re out, be open to visiting clubs that have some kind of euro night, and check local listings for when European/unusually named DJs are spinning.<br /><br />A final point: be nice to foreign girls, not for their benefit, since foreign girls can generally spot a bullsh*tter from 100 yards out, it’s part of what makes them awesome, but so you don’t ruin it for every one else. Don’t be that uncouth American.<br /><br />Find ripostes/suggestions below.<br /><br />-WTANGISF Editors</span></span></span>Samuel Snodgrasshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11762535101951720683noreply@blogger.com11tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4276514135378866035.post-39453535646201671122009-09-23T21:41:00.000-07:002009-09-23T22:11:07.797-07:00#24 Hipsters<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg0oxAqfQNVN2N-2zqL4iAOeEOXrqwxIMSQDpqBai8FYyxxzXqAcqeq6cknerFv6wwm3TMZWX9FWY2fiZMP9NeJtnsM_RVpypHyXWeH3Ku3LJs5o492BQaLL309FNouesQ6m9Q6PvBUuQ/s1600-h/37jsqloFrpdoykmuPrq3CeeGo1_500.jpg"><img style="float:right; margin:0 0 10px 10px;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 320px; height: 280px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg0oxAqfQNVN2N-2zqL4iAOeEOXrqwxIMSQDpqBai8FYyxxzXqAcqeq6cknerFv6wwm3TMZWX9FWY2fiZMP9NeJtnsM_RVpypHyXWeH3Ku3LJs5o492BQaLL309FNouesQ6m9Q6PvBUuQ/s320/37jsqloFrpdoykmuPrq3CeeGo1_500.jpg" border="0" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5384891277878450258" /></a><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"><br /></span></span><p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Helvetica"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;">B.O. can sometimes be a Power Move, and this has led to the rise of </span></span><a href="http://www.latfh.com/"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;">the Hipster</span></span></a><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;">, whose relevance and fame has reached such great and </span></span><a href="http://newyork.timeout.com/articles/features/4840/why-the-hipster-must-die"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;">dubiously deserving heights</span></span></a><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"> so as to 1) cannibalize the conceptual space that created him, 2) be a godsend for hobos with social ambition. </span></span></p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Helvetica; min-height: 14.0px"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px"></span><br /></span></span></p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Helvetica"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;">Not that the modern Hipster isn’t, like an elephant or buck-teeth, eye-catching. Things like </span></span><a href="http://lajauretsi.files.wordpress.com/2009/03/fidel-castro.jpg"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;">Castro caps</span></span></a><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"> paired with </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"><a href="http://files.posterous.com/superciliousness/rlpptxpgHhoIbHuIvFnkkAsnttyDGwedsEqDgaGksvqFracbpqwfjvobeJFC/media_httpwwwcoolhuntingcomimagesblublockerspink1jpg_DsuswHuEiczbapq.jpg.scaled500.jpg?AWSAccessKeyId=1C9REJR1EMRZ83Q7QRG2&Expires=1253769320&Signature=CEE04MGbQkv6CwipJmgztt6V1fQ%3D">BlueBlockers</a></span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"> are easy to appreciate: they’re simple constructs with an obvious message - “Look at me, I’m at Dolores Park. I used to live in Williamsburg”. And yet, unlike most self-conscious displays of vanity, we don’t get indignant about it, because the underweight, unsymmetrical figure hiding behind the aesthetic had his a** handed to him every school week for twelve long years. We allow him his moment. </span></span></span></p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Helvetica; min-height: 14.0px"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px"></span><br /></span></span></p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Helvetica"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;">It’s in this allowance, however, that the Power Move, the predicate for the Hipsters’ very existence, has become underplayed and misinterpreted, sufficiently so as to merit a review of first principles, without which we cannot understand the Hipster’s effect on SF’s singles scene. </span></span></span></p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Helvetica; min-height: 14.0px"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px"></span><br /></span></span></p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Helvetica"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;">The general idea of the Power Move is that certain social maneuvers in life are so plainly marginalizing or handicapping to one’s social status that to brazenly pull them off suggests some extraordinary, counter-balancing greatness. Specifically, however, the Power Move is not a single thing but many things, since the context counts much more than the conduct in determining its affect, and this why Power Moves often go wrong.</span></span></span></p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Helvetica; min-height: 14.0px"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px"></span><br /></span></span></p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Helvetica"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;">For example, </span></span><a href="http://www.kublermdk.com/wp-content/uploads/2008/06/4popped-collars.png"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;">popping your collar</span></span></a><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"> at a </span></span><i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;">bar</span></span></i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;">, driving </span></span><a href="http://www.only80s.com/adopt.jpg"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;">a white convertible Volkswagen Cabriolet</span></span></a><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"> as a </span></span><i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;">girl</span></span></i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;">, </span></span><i><a href="http://www.yelp.com/topic/san-francisco-do-fancy-flashy-cars-really-help-score-w-the-ladies---or-is-it-really-just-a-cover-for-some-dudes-insecurities---thoughts"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;">buying</span></span></a></i><a href="http://www.yelp.com/topic/san-francisco-do-fancy-flashy-cars-really-help-score-w-the-ladies---or-is-it-really-just-a-cover-for-some-dudes-insecurities---thoughts"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"> a Porsche</span></span></a><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"> </span></span><i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;">ever</span></span></i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;">, wearing a sleeveless shirt as </span></span><i><a href="http://blog.newsok.com/gossip/files/2009/01/toby-keith.jpg"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;">Toby Keith</span></span></a></i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"> are all Jackass Moves - plain, predictable and uninspired reaches for coolness, the precise opposite of the Power Move. BUT popping your collar at an </span></span><i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;">interview</span></span></i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;">, driving a white convertible Volkswagen Cabriolet as </span></span><i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;">guy, renting</span></span></i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"> a Porsche </span></span><i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;">to pick up </span></span></i></span><span style="font: 12.0px Arial; letter-spacing: 0.0px"><i><a href="http://idiotsforobama.com/blog/wp-content/uploads/2009/04/janeane_garofalo_2.png"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;">Janeane Garofalo</span></span></a></i></span><span style="font: 13.0px Arial; letter-spacing: 0.0px"><i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"> </span></span></i></span><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px"><i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;">on a date</span></span></i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;">, and wearing a sleeveless shirt </span></span><a href="http://www.swimoutlet.com/photos/7543-2T.jpg"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;">as</span></span></a><i><a href="http://www.swimoutlet.com/photos/7543-2T.jpg"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"> Borat </span></span></a></i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;">are totally Power Moves. </span></span></span></p><p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Helvetica"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"><br /></span></span></p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Helvetica"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;">The Hipster movement </span></span><i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;">started</span></span></i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"> as a Power Move. The original goal of the Hipster was to pursue coolness by rejecting ALL coolness, which is meta enough to be sort of ingenious but, like 7-Up’s “The Uncola” ad campaign, not so sophisticated that </span></span><a href="http://evilbeetgossip.film.com/wp-content/uploads/2007/06/paris-hilton-jail-photo.jpg"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;">dumb people</span></span></a><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"> can’t sort of get it, which is pretty much where you want to be if you’ve got designs on being cool. By the late 90s, however, the Hipster movement began to degenerate, largely due to its popularity, into </span></span><a href="http://www.adherents.com/people/pm/Madonna.html"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;">a sloppy pastiche</span></span></a><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"> of punk, Euro and earthy styles totally claiming and totally lacking street cred, such that being a Hipster is now properly a D</span></span></span><span style="font: 11.0px Verdana; letter-spacing: 0.0px"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;">ouche-</span></span></span><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;">Bag Move, which we can define as a Jackass Move masquerading as a Power Move (e.g., “How </span></span><a href="http://encyclopediadramatica.com/Irony"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;">ironical </span></span></a><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;">that someone as cool as me wears a geeky t-shirt”). </span></span></span></p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Helvetica; min-height: 14.0px"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px"></span><br /></span></span></p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Helvetica"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;">Now the thing about D</span></span></span><span style="font: 11.0px Verdana; letter-spacing: 0.0px"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;">-</span></span></span><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;">Bag Moves, more than Jackass Moves and Power Moves, is that they work. They’re based on deceit and thus, like boob jobs, reality TV shows, and the film </span></span><i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;">Rocky</span></span></i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;">, they tend to neatly accessorize the delusions that shape most people’s self-awareness. They’re poseur bullsh*t but </span></span><a href="http://uncyclopedia.wikia.com/wiki/File:Hipsterscum.jpg"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;">complicatedly</span></span></a><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"> so and, more importantly, they flatter and prey upon our most self-aggrandizing (and almost always false) pretensions. In the on-going conflict between our egos and our brains, D-Bag Move practitioners like Hipsters (or Swoopers and Bullsh*t Artists) always win. </span></span></span></p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Helvetica; min-height: 14.0px"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px"></span><br /></span></span></p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Helvetica"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;">Popcultural critic Chuck Klosterman describes the devolution of the Hipster from Power Move to D-Bag Move like this: “[It] used to be [difficult] to tell the difference between hipsters and homeless people. Now [the difficulty is distinguishing] between Hipsters and Retards. I mean, either that guy in the corner in orange safety pants holding a protest sign and wearing a top hat is mentally disabled or he is the coolest fucking guy you will ever know.”</span></span></span></p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Helvetica; min-height: 14.0px"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px"></span><br /></span></span></p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Helvetica"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;">The upshot is that the Hipster in modern incarnation can get tail. Against a societal backdrop of regular Joes with boring jobs, boring minds and boring lives the Hipster STANDS OUT as an emblem against the tyranny of ordinariness. He’s lazy and apathetic but he’s eccentric enough, </span></span><a href="http://www.chicagotribune.com/features/lifestyle/chi-tc-fash-hippie-0629-0628jun28,0,5249843.story"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;">at least aesthetically</span></span></a><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;">, to be </span></span><a href="http://www.specialolympics.org/"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;">special</span></span></a><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;">. So when girls find themselves choosing between a guy who is certainly ordinary and a guy who is </span></span><a href="http://www.parishilton.com/"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;">probably retarded </span></span></a><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;">but possibly cool girls inevitably choose ... Matthew McConaughey. But the nerd in orange safety pants definitely gets the nod for brunch. </span></span></span></p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Helvetica; min-height: 14.0px"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px"></span><br /></span></span></p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Helvetica"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;">But not in San Francisco. Here EVERYONE sort of looks mentally disabled, either because they are dot com nerds with </span></span><i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;">zero</span></span></i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"> fashion sense, foreigners with the </span></span><i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;">wrong</span></span></i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"> fashion sense, American blue-bloods with </span></span><i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;">sanctimoniously ethnic</span></span></i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"> fashion sense, or homeless people with </span></span><i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;">I can’t afford</span></span></i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"> fashion sense. It’s really confusing. No one can tell who’s being sincere and who’s being ironic, which undermines all the leverage the Hipster has. He’s just one more dude girls don’t want anything to do with, just one more act of desperation on an increasingly desperate stage. </span></span></span></p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Helvetica; min-height: 14.0px"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px"></span><br /></span></span></p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Helvetica"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;">You think this would be enormously vexing since the whole point of the Hipster is giving beta guys the opportunity to get laid. But the Hipster </span></span><a href="http://sfist.com/2008/05/09/san_francisco_h_2.php"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;">persists in San Francisco</span></span></a><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"> for reasons not at all clear. It’s as if the Hipster’s stand for irony and against everything has evolved in Ouroboros fashion to include a stand against propagating their DNA. That is either supremely retarded or the biggest f*cking Power Move we will ever know. </span></span></span></p>Samuel Snodgrasshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11762535101951720683noreply@blogger.com16